Green Apple MacBook avoids “some environmentally harmful toxins”

I have a love-hate relationship with Apple products. Although I’m typing this on a much-loved iBook G4, I happen to think I may be a mug for buying into the Apple brand and its overpriced, poseurish tendencies. Moreover, their recent adverts are really, really annoying.

This is largely down to the voiceover, which adopts a perpetually surprised tone and follows a simplistic, smug and mildly condescending script. (If one were inclined to cynicism, one might observe that these traits are similar to those exhibited by people you vaguely know who come up to you in pubs and demonstrate the capability of their iPhones.)

Which brings us on to the new MacBook advert, which, Apple voiceover man seems surprised to discover, is

Our greenest MacBook ever.

How come? Well, this wonder product has

an advanced aluminium and glass enclosure

and

can run on a quarter of the power of a single lightbulb.

What stands out, however, is the claim that the computer is made

without some environmental toxins.

The word “some” is inexplicably mumbled. In fact, you have to listen twice to pick it up at all. So what Apple are saying is that although the new MacBook is fabulously green, technically advanced and highly recyclable it, um… does contain some environmental toxins.

What a load of shit.