Peggy and Archie’s Eastenders wedding advert

Well, where to start with this one? I had to see this fully three times before I worked out what the hell it was.

I feel a little harsh describing this as an AdTurd, as it at least has some imagination and wit on its side. But the whole things is so bizarre, it beggars belief that at no point in its creation did anyone say: “Hold on, what the fuck are you on about?”

I assume there’s a kind of Stepford Wives vibe going on here, but the introduction of some sort of robot mechanical arms also reminds me of Demon Seed, a 70’s horror film where Julie Christie is imprisoned in her house by a computer, promptly knocked up by her computer-controlled house, and gives birth to a brass baby voiced by Robert Vaughan.

In some ways the idea that Peggy could be impregnated by the Queen Vic would have a certain degree of verisimilitude, so entwined is the building with her and her family.

Also appearing in this Eastenders trail is Archie, played by a man rejoicing in the unlikely name of Larry Lamb. Lamb is excellent as Archie, all sideways sneers and gimlet eyes, so I was disappointed to learn that he’s responsible for bringing DJ George Lamb into the world – a bloke for whom the word ‘twat’ must have been invented.

Lamb appears in Bela Lugosi-esque finery and lighting and looks genuinely terrifying, but I find the fact that he actually gives Peggy a pearl necklace in the advert too off-putting to enjoy even this element.

All in all, the whole experience reminds me of a Gary Larson cartoon: Just Plain Nuts.