I cannot for the life of me figure out what the hell all of this is about. It would appear to be about a new series of Jamie Oliver's, and it's something to do with America.
What specifically, I can't tell. Because C4 is promoting the new show by showing Oliver dressed as all of the Village People. Variously Oliver removes a whisk from his pants and winks suggestively at a female customs official, shows his arse in a pair of chaps and appears to invite the prospect of a man fingering his anus.
Is it something to do with food, another of his messianic and vaguely puritanical event shows where he teaches the great unwashed to cook, or whether it's some great tedious road trip thing featuring the chef's pretentious observations of the American Dream framed by awkward segueways where Jamie cooks a native American meal. I'm guessing the latter.
Either way, this ad for it is not so much shit, as just baffling and vaguely disturbing. I look forward to a Channel 4 News ad featuring Jon Snow, Zeinab Badawi and Krishnan Guru Murphy whipping each others' legs with rolled-up towels in a sauna.
Though this whole blog is pretty much guaranteed to paint me as a frothing-at-the-mouth misanthrope, I'm not constantly functioning with a spleen being vented.
I've occasionally been known to crack a smile; show pleasure and, yes, enjoy things.
Sometimes an ad passes by that I actually like. They're generally not trying too hard, not attempting to annoy me, and not being self-consciously wacky and ironic.
They usually feature smart visuals, understated humour or just simple good ideas well executed. They're usually for fringe products who know their niche. It's arguably not a coincidence that these following ads that I like could be aimed at me, or someone like me at any rate.
I'm a big mark for car adverts - especially those coming from Ford, Audi, Volkswagen and Honda - as they tend to be the most creative ads out there. In the case of Night Driving, they can even be beautiful.
So anyway, here are some adverts I like. Normal service will be resumed...very soon.
Old Speckled Hen wraparounds
Cravendale advert - "Milk! Milk!"
Old Jamaica Ginger Beer advert
There's a rather obvious rejoinder to the title of this blog, but I'll try to avoid the cheap shots.
My other post on the Samsung Jet has stirred up something of a debate, a bit like the kind of bad-tempered lolspeak arguments that develop on Youtube, between those who like that advert and those who think it's the end of society as we know it.
So I went back to watch the advert again, and canvas opinion from around the web. I hated it even more, but even worse I came across this 'viral' purporting to show what a PR stunt sponsored by the Samsung Jet would look like - the answer apparently being that two elephants would bungee jump from a bad CGI flying saucer over Picadilly Circus.
I generally dislike these 'event' ads, as they've become hopelessly overexposed and unimaginative these days, culminating recently in the world's biggest twat Singstar-Wanking his head off to Total Eclipse of the Heart in Trafalgar Square.
Even Youtube's users, generally busy LOLing and ROFLing everywhere, have given this one the thumbs down - a brief chink of light in the darkness - but I genuinely can't understand how anyone could ever think this funny, clever, cute or worthwhile in any way whatsoever.
Have I become that removed from the target demographics of these phones that I genuinely can't relate to them at all? I struggle to see how anyone can find this ad funny, but then again I struggled to comprehend why anyone would download the Crazy Frog ringtone.
Nathan Barley was bang on, the idiots have taken over. I can foresee a future sponsored by Samsung, and it's deeply, deeply stupid. And shit.
Recently the idea of the 'national treasure' has started appearing in the media, usually used to denote someone so beloved of the nation that they're fit for canonisation. Think Wogan, Attenborough, the late great Sir Bobby Robson and Stephen Fry.
I've no real axe to grind here, and I have a lot of time for Fry, a very funny, intelligent, interesting and probably lovely man. I'd say the only criticism that could be levelled at Fry is that he can come across as a bit smug.
I'm less certain that Paul Merton is a national treasure, having suffered through his numerous terrible programmes and unfunny remakes of Hancock's Half Hour. I'd say his worst trait is a kind of shouty sneering aggression.
So, guess what traits these Direct Line adverts accentuate the most? Merton always gave me the impression he'd rather be a south London cab driver anyway, but if Fry wants to ensure he keeps getting invited to the Test Match Special commentary box and those inevitable titles later in life I'd jettison Direct Line ASAP.
Direct Line Home Insurance
Direct Line Pet Insurance