There's something thoroughly hateful about this advert for some Calvin Klein knickers; it's a smug level so high that it makes Piers Morgan look like Nelson Mandela.
It's also possibly the quintessential pretentious art wank advert that such companies do very well; the tragedy is that somewhere in the world there are about 1,000 people who take this drivel very seriously.
It's such utter bollocks it's pretty hard to actually sit through; consisting of a series of trite and ultimately meaningless statements from Zoe Saldana about, well, who the hell knows?
The whole sorry affair is like a 50-second moving image interpretation of the Marxist theory of alienation - an insane insight into the minds of people who think that the material that covers your rude bits actually matters.
Truly one of the worst adverts ever heard, this Jack Davenport-voiced ad for Alfa Romeo has been turning up on Spotify recently for the Alfa Romeo MiTo; a car that, in AdTurds' opinion, has been smashed around the front and back ends with a hefty ugly stick.
So it's odd that the ad copy tries to suggest that simply seeing a MiTo is an earth-shattering experience that makes you say to yourself – breathlessly, of course, – "I want one of those."
That's never happened to me. I've always said "That is one ugly car from the front." But that's just me, and car design is one of the most supremely subjective topics imaginable.
What seems beyond any kind of critical dispute, however, is just how appalling the copy in this ad is. Davenport tries to inject some life into it, but it just makes him sound a bit strange.
Anyway, 'show, don't tell' was clearly off the menu for whatever agency came up with this slot, which may be a new one to AdTurds; an advert that simply insists that you want to buy a certain product, even if you've never seen, or heard of, it.
Full script below:
Once in a while a car comes along that sets your pulse racing. You're driving along in your perfectly nice little car and all of a sudden you see it, cooly gliding past on sport alloy wheels, its state of the art DNA technology set to dynamic drive.
Breathlessly you say to yourself: 'I want one of those'...
Nothing much to say about this mash-up of Boards of Canada with some weird and surreal adverts from the 80s, except that it is cool.
Remember, adverts aren't always evil.
Certainly not the worst advert ever - looks nice, clever theme - but certainly one of the more annoying adverts of 2010.
This advert for the Ford Kuga is the quintessence of the increasingly popular 'singing noises' genre that never fails to annoy me.
They're usually quite twee and hippyish and advertising something that can be vaguely styled as green or rustic. Inanity would appear to sell.
This one is advertising a car, with a selection of human noises that sound like the sort of things that an annoying toddler may hum to himself for hours and hours, safe in the knowledge that it's annoying the tits off everyone in the vicinity.
Sadly, I can't give Ford a slap around the legs for this hideous piece of aural assault, but I may well kick the next Kuga I see.
What the hell? Lionel Richie is a legend. What is he doing in this drivel? It's like making Nelson Mandela advertise We Buy Any Car.