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25Apr/138

The EDF Energy Parasite

edf energy zingy

Nature programmes frequently throw something at viewers to remind them that life is nasty, brutish and short. In amongst the parental penguins, fluffy ducklings and playful sea mammals there's a universe of terrors.

Parasites are the worst. The fungi that make ants' heads explode, the larvae that eat caterpillars and spiders from the inside out and the tapeworms that turn snails' heads in bulging, pulsing beacons to attracts birds and start the whole process off again.

Yes, the parasites are the worst. Sure there are things that will bite your head off or drain your blood, but that idea of parasitisation, infestation - to have something else living in or on your body, slowly consuming you - is as hideous as it gets.

Which is why I'm revolted by EDF Energy's new advert, which features a dog at an advanced stage of parasitisation by some amorphous blob with eyes. This particular parasite (it's called Zingy - just image that: "I'm afraid you have a Zingy living in your eyeball") sits on the back of a dog, where it can't be reached, free to drain the life force from its unfortunate host.

Cruel hooks dig into dog's skin and ensure that it can't be removed without taking a huge chunk of the canine's back with it. Meanwhile long ganglia reach into the mutt's brain stem, controlling its every move.

Eventually the EDF parasite grows so fat on the blood and nutrients that the dog is left a dry, lifeless husk. Squirming hideously it makes its way back home - to EDF Energy headquarters in London - there to be enveloped into the collective. No-one has lived to see it and tell the tale, but it's believed to resemble a giant farting brain with the face of John Selwyn-Gummer.

By a happy coincidence, EDF Energy was recently discovered to have incentivised its salespeople to sell the unwitting Great British public the most expensive energy tariffs possible.

EDF employees have told The Argus how, despite knowing the customers could be getting a better deal on other tariffs, they were told not to mention cheaper deals unless specifically asked for.

Pfft. Parasites eh?

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  • CAPITALS irrationals

    Strictly speaking, this advert isn’t particularly offensive…or particularly anything. That’s the main problem. Whichever creative geniuses came up with this dildo/turd/mr whippy abortion blob were obviously working on the ‘let’s offend nobody’ theory, along the lines of that increasing multitude of international ads showing some bloke with a beard/slim successful looking woman/generic looking kids, all subject to bad dubbing.
    It’s the nothingness that does or doesn’t mark it out. How else are you supposed to mark EDF out from one of the other suppliers of fizzing essentials? or Insurance..or Tea Bags? I’m always baffled by anyone who displays advert crap on car stickers or office desks. All this pink blob thing does is plummet to a new level of banality. (other than on here) No one is going to discuss this, or be offended by it, or give a shit. That must be the point. A creeping subliminal image that looks a bit turdlike, a bit phallicky, a bit dildody (great word!) sort of doing the job selling whatnot…but maybe not…who cares…another latte crispin…kerching….
    I assume it’s just a corporate ad along the lines of BP and BOC ads of past. They say bugger all, but raise the profile. There must be shiter ads around…..Where’s ‘my brother Freddie is a cun….’ when you need him?
    The days of the trad TV ad are seriously numbered anyway. It’s all going desperately subtle or shit (eg banner ads). Perhaps, this todge is symptomatic of this lack of creativity in this sector. I’m completely rambling now. Just shows the whole nothingness of the concept.

    • you’ve hit the nail on the head there. we’re sliding into a beige world of unoriginality and artlessness…

  • CAPITALS irrationals

    Strictly speaking, this advert isn’t particularly offensive…or particularly anything. That’s the main problem. Whichever creative geniuses came up with this dildo/turd/mr whippy abortion blob were obviously working on the ‘let’s offend nobody’ theory, along the lines of that increasing multitude of international ads showing some bloke with a beard/slim successful looking woman/generic looking kids, all subject to bad dubbing.
    It’s the nothingness that does or doesn’t mark it out. How else are you supposed to mark EDF out from one of the other suppliers of fizzing essentials? or Insurance..or Tea Bags? I’m always baffled by anyone who displays advert crap on car stickers or office desks. All this pink blob thing does is plummet to a new level of banality. (other than on here) No one is going to discuss this, or be offended by it, or give a shit. That must be the point. A creeping subliminal image that looks a bit turdlike, a bit phallicky, a bit dildody (great word!) sort of doing the job selling whatnot…but maybe not…who cares…another latte crispin…kerching….
    I assume it’s just a corporate ad along the lines of BP and BOC ads of past. They say bugger all, but raise the profile. There must be shiter ads around…..Where’s ‘my brother Freddie is a cun….’ when you need him?
    The days of the trad TV ad are seriously numbered anyway. It’s all going desperately subtle or shit (eg banner ads). Perhaps, this todge is symptomatic of this lack of creativity in this sector. I’m completely rambling now. Just shows the whole nothingness of the concept.

    • you’ve hit the nail on the head there. we’re sliding into a beige world of unoriginality and artlessness…

  • Steph

    I saw someone with a ‘zingy; car sticker decal in their rear windscreen today. JUST WHYYYYYY.
    (word to the wise: don’t google image ‘zingy sticker’. i did, and i think i just gave myself a rage/contempt-driven aneurysm).

  • Steph

    I saw someone with a ‘zingy; car sticker decal in their rear windscreen today. JUST WHYYYYYY.
    (word to the wise: don’t google image ‘zingy sticker’. i did, and i think i just gave myself a rage/contempt-driven aneurysm).

  • Paul LJ Catlow

    Mr Hankey is back, then…

  • SteveO

    I don’t like this site… I love it! Yes that Zingy commercial is pointless and disgusting. I assumed it was a turd sitting on the dog’s back. In a way I am slightly relieved to hear that it is just a parasite.

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