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18Jan/156

Gok Wan Activia Advert

Welcome to the world of Gok Wan and his insane cult of laughing maniacs. Look at how happy the are with him. All ladies are happy when they're in the presence of Gok Wan - we know this because we constantly see laughing women in his presence - well, that or cowering, naked, in front of a mirror anyway.

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Look at them, look at the laughing with Gok Wan. I can just picture Gok and his quartet of happy-tummed ladies laughing for hours and hours. Just laughing and looking at each other. And laughing some more. Because their gut is rich in healthy flora. And, let's face it, why wouldn't you laugh if you had a 'happy tummy' (surprisingly they didn't go with 'happy bowels' or 'happy rectum')?

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The root of these claims is that eating this Activia Fibre product 'contributes to the acceleration of intestinal transit', which is a nice way of saying that it will make you shit more. But when you break it down (no pun intended) that's hardly a bold claim - probably because Activia's owner, Danone, has repeatedly had its knuckles rapped for its claims over yoghurt and its link to more regular plop-plops.

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What's interesting here is that they seem to have given up suggesting that Activia yoghurt has any significant health benefits - any claims here appear to relate to the serving of raw bran that accompanies the yoghurt. On that basis you may as well claim that eating a Fray Bentos Steak & Kidney pie helps constipation, as long as you sellotape an apricot to it.

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What's also hard to digest is the sheer amount of smiling and laughing going on here. These people make someone spazzed off their baps on ecstasy pipes look like Will Self. And why are they so happy? Because they're eating yoghurt - that's yoghurt - combined with bran, a matter more comparable to pencil shavings than food.

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And Gok. I've nothing against Gok Wan per se, but you can't inhabit the internet without coming across stories of his behaviour, specifically his behaviour towards the women he apparently adores. I've never been a fan of the knock-them-down-build-them-up style of television bullying coaching favoured by the likes of Gok, Gordon Ramsey and Jeremy Kyle either. Hopefully it works for those on the receiving end, but it always looks horribly exploitative to me.

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Hell, if eating roughage is all you need to do to put a shit-eating grin on your face, then knock yourself out. As for this ad, I think it's a load of intestinal transit. Having said that, it certainly made me want to visit the bathroom.