AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

11Oct/173

Clearscore Adverts: Why Doing?

Clearscore adverts Moose

Have you noticed how many annoying dogs there are in television adverts there are these days? Not only that, they're some of the most annoying creatures on television and the only reason they're not more annoying that Katie Hopkins is that these dogs haven't learned to tweet vile hatred all over social media yet. Say these Clearscore adverts, for example.

The Clearscore adverts started appearing in 2016 where a man who can only hear his dog - it says 'What doing?' all the time and is called Moose - checks his credit rating and nods in appreciation. His wife seems to openly despise him and appears unaware that her husband is having clandestine conversations with the family mutt.

There are lots of very strange things in these adverts. They're shot like miniature horror films, as if there's something unsettling under the skin of this scene of domestic mundanity. Why can't the woman hear the dog?

Why does the man obsessively check his credit score, as if he's going to clear out the bank account when the time is right and stage his own death? Why is the wife monotone, listless and usually lethargic, almost as if she's being slowly poisoned with antifreeze?

And where has the wife gone by the final Clearcore advert, a sort of deliberately-embarrassing piece of EDM? Is the epilogue to this a spot where Moose asks his owner, busying himself with a spade and suspicious looking shape under a tarpaulin, under the cover of darkness, one last time: "What doing?"

We don't know, but probably.

With all the initial lots variously in a shallow grave, bottom of canal and nuts deep in teen prostitutes on Khaosan Road, there's a whole new family in 2017's Clearscore adverts - like when there's a new series of American Horror Story but it's basically the same old gory trash but with a set of slightly different characters.

Clearscore adverts Flearoy

This time there's another couple who haven't fucked each other for half a decade and a weird-voiced, annoying animal that again seems to vaguely creep out its owners. Whereas Moose the Dog displayed a weird co-dependendency this one's openly psychopathic: a ginger car called Flearoy that wants to own everything.

The important question in all of this is simple but hard to ignore: why? The annoying wannabe-meme approach makes a horrible kind of sense for price-comparison sites and betting companies - stuff that can be readily associated with LOL! and Banter!

But the intricacies of personal finance? Is the aim to associate the brainless wittering of people who repeat advertising catchphrases with actually going online to check your credit score? I'm not convinced.

Something totally random? Sure, why not. Here's a kid boggling at a pineapple and demanding answers of his stupid Dad.

I have no answers, merely verbiage. Maybe advertising has got to that point where the content of a 30-second spot simply don't matter as long as you say the brand name and your keyword phrase of choice a few times.

Perhaps we'll see a new series of Blake's 7 played out in the next set of adverts for Barclays or Warburton's will simply feature that wanker who runs the business actually inserting his doughy penis into a thick white Toastie loaf for the sheer hell of it.

I don't know any more, I just don't know.

  • waynefb2002

    I have to admit I quite like the clearscore ones! I like when moose is bored of credit scores and says: “OK throw squeaky. No take, only throw.” Made me laugh.
    But (hello by the way – first post – name’s Wayne) I have much much hatred and bile for other ads. In fact, my body/mind seems to create a special kind of anger and vitriol reserved especially for tv adverts. I would be very interested to know whether my hated ads get other people’s backs up too.
    So where to begin….
    Probably 1) must be the new sky TV ‘crisps’ ad. For some reason, the Scottish accent just gets my back up instantly on hearing it. I’m sorry but it feels like an almost primeval response! I can’t stand the sound of it. Muscles clench, teeth gnash…no reason….pure reaction. But worse still is hearing him suck his fingers before touching the remote at a very audible volume….absolutely disgusting. And talking of mouth noises…
    2) the maltesers add with the two deaf women (school teachers) ….one is describing something passing through the digestive system of a dog. It’s not so much the imagery of that, but rather the fact that, as there is no vocal conversation, they turn up the background noise to full volume, and that includes ye hrrible salivary slurp mouth noises they make. Turns my stomach every time. And you can’t blame the noises on the fact that theyre deaf – the sound engineer fuck ed it up and that’s all there is to it. But I really don’t want to hear those mouth noises.
    And 3) is that schmulzy saccharine fairy advert, with some asthmatic woman huh-ing a slowed down rendition of “heads shoulders knees & toes.” Over- sentimentslised baby-brain schmulz. Annoys the fuck out of me. I was completely ambivalent about fairy products before but now I will never buy any of their products. Give that woman a glass of water and an inhaler and tell her to shut the f*ck up.
    Aaaagh. [Breathe] I needed that.

  • Vega DA

    It’s all about trying to get something irritating and/or catchy in your head, sod all to do with the product. Advertising aimed at idiots… Like most TV these days.

  • Gully Foyle

    garbage ads made by arseholes for arseholes.

Hate adverts?

This is the one chance you’ll ever get to fight back against terrible adverts. For once, the boot can be on the other foot. Deliver it to the knackers of evil – and hit the buttons below.

Still here?

You should definitely sign up below. Every extra follower makes Gladstone Brookes unhappy.