AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

9Nov/1733

TUI Ain’t Nobody Advert

tui advert ain't nobody

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? I mean no-one ever liked Thomson that much - holiday companies aren't fundamentally loveable things - but this TUI advert heralds a rebrand gone so hideously and immediately wrong it's not so much a shot in the foot but detonating a small thermonuclear device in your own face.

That name eh? TUI, a piece of meaningless pan-European blah that seems designed simply to irk people (compare with Opal Fruits / Starburst) and has no resonance with anyone in Britain - apart from the intense hatred it has instantaneously generated.

I'm not generally a fan of rebrands - instigated in neatly every case by some arsehole who wants to put his or her stamp on a company and demonstrate to their superiors that they can Get Things Done to the annoyance of virtually everyone. And for every success story such as Dave (previously a mishmash of meaningless alphanumericals) there's a Consignia: a pointless Latin-ish retitling for no reason that seems hellbent on shedding any positive associations and replacing them with apathy or outright hostility.

Consignia was, of course, previously Royal Mail and spent a few years labouring under the quite hideous name before another expensive rebrand was probably commissioned so that someone could earn a million quid by suggesting a return to Royal Mail.

Little chance of a return to Thomson I expect as multinationals seem determined to believe members of the general public are completely unable to comprehend one company being owned by another. So we have to have a rebrand. And what an utter turd it is.

First of the very sound of TUI is just smug. And the whole thing of making an abbreviation into a noise just seems so pleased with itself. Not to mention the caps. In fact, I'm never going to cap up the brand ever again. It's either tui or T.U.I. Also tui rhymes with pooey, gooey - nothing you'd want to be associated with, which is exactly what will happen when disgruntled customers start cropping up on your social media feeds.

As for the advert itself, dear Lord. Let me count the ways I hate it:

• A tui production. Fuck off.

• That humming. Fuck RIGHT off.

• That piano. You're taking the fucking piss now.

• The winsome average-unthreatening-voice-with-little-vibrato-trill that always sounds like it's going to break into a laugh so beloved of people who create adverts. It must be the smuggest noise ever invented and it's more unwelcome in my home than Andrea Leadsom.

• Ain't Nobody. Chaka Khan is amazing. The LL Cool J version is amazing. This stinks like shit.

• No we can't get you there any quicker you fucking weirdo, you're on an aeroplane.

• CGI dancing crabs. May be small beer to you but mass tourism is one of the greatest enemies of plant and animal life going right now. "Ain't nobody - destroys ecosystems like you," more like.

• The mass dance at the end like it's a sodding musical. Just stop.

• We dot the Is, cross the Ts and put U in the middle. Right, you're for it now...

• Discover my smile? I've become very well acquainted with my frown as a result of your horrible advert.

• How about another two weeks? Is that all you've got after that 90 seconds of 'will this do' boilerplate crap?

tui, there certainly ain't nobody who can fuck up a rebrand like you. I'm going out a limb given there are several weeks to go but I'm fairly sure you've just sewn up 2017's worst advert of the year gong. Some going for a company that's about two weeks old.

  • d sloper

    Shit company actress and advert destroyed a great song. Would never book with them no matter what they call themselves. Travel Republic all day long far better and cheeper.

  • Shirl

    TUI Travelling under the influence….because you wouldn’t even watch the advert sober!

  • Caroline Donohoe

    Bloody awful, weedy, insipid vocalist. If the TV wasn’t so expensive, I’d throw something at it.

  • Richard

    Oh common now, don’t be harsh, this is a lovely jolly advert with a merry song to whistle to…ALL fucking month long even in my sleep :-/ Feels like a form of psychological Chinese torture.

    “Ain’t nobody
    AIN’T NOBODY
    GOT A CLUE??

    Seriously though, TV is on permanent mute and subtitles are on 24/7. Just like the internet, TV is being destroyed by ad turds.

  • Joey hobbit

    I forgot how to chill out in the evening since this surly,moaning,little girl with fat lip voice tui ad came on telly.Im fixed ready for another rendition of this wretched narcissistic absurd came out.
    My Mrs shouts me if I’m in the kitchen making tea and this comes on so I can come in and hate, I can’t tell you how much of an art form I have turned hate into.tui FUCK OOOOOOOOOFFFF.

  • Dean McDougall

    I love the adverts and I love her

    • Joey hobbit

      Grow a pair of Marigold gloves.

  • john johnson

    The girl has to be the worst choice for any ad requiring acting, dancing and singing.
    she is 100 times more annoying than the twat on the go compare adverts but at least he can sing!

  • Antony Palmer

    Whenever this comes on the box I immediately descend into a tourette like rage repeatedly shouting f. Off you cee you next Tuesday. It is an immediate guttural response.

  • Ntg001

    The most wooden performance since Pinocchio – especially the “loves me beh….tar”. I thought the inane whistly music on last TSB advert was bad enough. Every pound spent on the ad agency must have cost Twat (sorry predictive text kicked in when I typed Tui) many more in lost revenue / credibility / buy-to pointless Eurorebrand. Give me Marathon, Jif and Opal Fruits any day, if you mixed them all together it would more palatable than this crud. Asda advert’s just come on, undiluted original Fleetwood Mac….

  • Upsydaisyisapikey

    It is such crap advert I do not know what it is advertising? Girtl with a weak voice cheesy dancing like the piss poor M&S adverts of old.

  • Emma Rickwood

    Thank goodness it’s not just me. This sickly sweet woman is absolutely irksome and irritating to the point where I actually find myself, a normally calm and rational woman crying out “Oh, God. Please. NO more!!!”. Usually followed by a slightly quieter and disgruntled “I HATE that f*****g woman. I’m sure she’s lovely in person, but that’s the problem she’s TOO lovely, and just seems completely smug, particularly as she’s not only luxuriating on a foreign holiday, but also singing about it too. It sounds as though she’s bragging about it. Like the annoying School Mum who coos “Oh. You’re staying at home at this miserable time of year? Shame. We’re off to the Maldives!… First class of course!”. And yes, it’s absolutely a crap rebranding. Thomson sounds British. It appeals to us. TUI, which I think they pronounce ‘Twee’ is meaningless rubbish. And why oh why do they have to keep repeating it so often?? ANY advert gets annoying if shown every break, but this is nothing short of visual and auditory torture.

    • Maisie

      I so agree with your comments. I thought there was something wrong with me detesting this woman as much as I do and now I realise I’m not alone. Thank goodness!

      • The Digger

        Perhaps it would make you all see her in a better light if you knew she is miming to someone else’s whiney voice but then maybe not…

    • Joey hobbit

      Aspartame sweet,Oh my Lord there are beautiful sane normal people in Britain.I agree the smile, the slightly off beat,poor me,surly,stupid infuriating faux simpering voice is so off queue with spirit of the original song. it’s akin to Satan singing Gloria in Excelsis Deo

  • C Gardner

    This advert sucks cock

  • Eddie Lawson

    The perfect example of one of my favourite sayings:

    A camel is a racecourse designed by a committee.

    This is what you get when you try to please all the “creatives” around the desk – a total balls-up.

  • AVery PrivateGentleman

    I complained to the ASA about it and got a snotty reply, they claim the advert is depicting the girl is with a partner (can you see one) ? I see a bloke about two deck chairs away sitting on a beach scene near her with the same coloured polo shirts as the dancers/aka pool attendants.
    Its a me me me self flagellated aggrandized advert encouraging want.

  • Carlos Fandango

    Never has a multimillion pound marketing and rebrand brief achieved the polar opposite of its goal. There are plenty of poor adverts out there but not one to the scale and budget of this abomination. And just who approved the garotting of Ain’t Nobody? As soon as I hear that cringe-inducing pathetic voice the channel is changed or muted, whichever quicker. My personal best is now under 3 seconds and improving. Social AI hasn’t yet polluted my timelines with this bilge. If this track was played at all British ports, sea and air, I think it could provide a cruel but effective deterrent to our biblical migrant problems.

  • My grandmother hates this advert – unfortunately, it’s the damn sponsor for Sky!

  • SAMIOLDANAC

    The second this advert starts I grab the remote and switch over to…anything! That girl’s vomit-sweet voice – ugh! It puts my teeth on edge – I detest it! Probably the most annoying advert ever!!!

  • Alexander Smith

    I could not agree more, without causing myself intense pleasure!
    What is the trend for putting talent bereft sycophants who’s only chance of holding a key is when they go to open the front door of their well earned council flat?
    Have we become so depressed in the UK that we have stopped aspiring to greatness and slumped into the quagmire of loathing success to the extent that rubbish and insulting adverts like this are now acceptable?
    Generally adverts need to (1) Have some vague kind of quality (2) Stop telling us that we’re not good enough unless we buy their rubbish product and (3) Stop making us feel guilty unless we pay for some donkey in another country to have clothing and fresh water, otherwise our granny will be desperately ashamed of us!! (putting aside the fact our government refuses to lobby their government to make their people behave like human beings, not monsters!)

    When will this torture stop, thrusting painful adverts in our face every 5 minutes of air-time?!!

    I can’t watch Sky any more without pausing and fast forwarding adverts to skip this crime against talent!!

    • Joey hobbit

      Sorry Alexander to hear of your PTAS post traumatic advert syndrome.We have become desensitised to wholesome entertainment.

  • Susan

    Her teeth look yellow against the blue mask, the various hands feeling her parts as she sings “ain’t nobody loves me better” is uncomfortable watching and when she is lifted towards the end her legs hang like a limp rag doll to pne side. AWFUL AWFUL AD…did Lord Sugar’ s Apprentice candidates think it up? !

    • Joey hobbit

      Looooool fantastic.Its the ventriloquist dummy head turn and smile ” gotten o gear” that makes me reach for the omeprazole antacid pills.

  • irish crusader

    i hate this ad its the biggest pile of shite they also have the cheek to show it on irish tevelvision rte tv3 etc as if those channels arent bad enough with the ezisting ads reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • Gareth Sharp

    Glad it’s not just me. Makes my fucking piss boil.

    • Joey hobbit

      Didn’t know there was other SANE people left on Earth.I thought I was the only person so irritated by this, that I look forward to to the next round of adverts so I can re- hate and mimicking that f**** self congratulatory smug whiny piss weak moaning voice.And that Cat tapping out the words to ” Hungry eyes” can f*** off too.

  • BlackRoses

    Yes the advert is annoying. Yes the girl in the advert, well wtf hired her? Hopefully someone with eyeballs and an ear for a good singing voice… obviously not on this occasion. Looks like you’ve taken an older person and tried to make them look younger… epic fail. Finally, so some company I never use has changed it’s name. I really don’t care, can we have the regular adverts back now whilst TUI goes into administration because it’s horrific.

    • Doomed

      That woman is all “ me me me” – we’ll she can fuck off and wait with the rest of us – can’t sing or act or dance and has podgy thighs. The reality is the hotels and pools are rammed with dick heads , which is why we stay in villas – I will never use Tui!

  • Ventus

    Dear Thomson,

    Please would you provide me with the address of the advertising firm that you use as I have a large number of dog turds to post through their letter box.

    Yours sincerely,

    Ventus

  • leeleem77

    Not to mention the Woman can’t act to save her life. Never mind love, the shops will be taking on seasonal staff.

  • blogward

    The fat ginger beardie steals it.

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