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27Sep/162

James Corden Confused.com Advert

So, the James Corden Confused.com advert. Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.

I am as impervious to James Corden's supposed delights as I am to the people complaining that I'm not funny anymore. To me he seems affable - a great fella to have a pint with. I wish him no specific malice and I'm happy that other people find him funny.

To me he is a mystery, his supposed funnies as baffling as quadratic equations. I did not enjoy Gavin & Stacey, I did not watch Horne & Corden and I have never seen him in a game show.

Apparently he's a pretty good dramatic actor, though the only things I've ever actually enjoyed him in are hilarious sci-fi pisstake Cruise of the Gods and Doctor Who (in two episodes that were pretty much sci-fi pisstakes.) Apart from a Tango advert from about 50 years ago, that's it.

By all accounts Corden has gone to America to be a talkshow host. And that's all well and good. Alas, that hasn't stopped him appearing on my television every seven or eight seconds in this godawful Confused.com advert. Time was someone went to the States they stayed there, to the great relief of everyone in Blighty (cf. Piers Morgan).

james corden confused.com advert

Now, a digression. This is by no means the worst Confused.com advert there is. There are fully seven years of writing on this website about Confused.com adverts and, lest I remind you, a lot of them involve a wiggly cartoon with an enormous vagina. Or a Nicky Campbell lookalike screaming in your face while you eat your potato waffles and try to recover from another day of drudgery. Or a horrible 'for-cash' vlog by a man called Amazing Phil who is not amazing and, for all I know, may not even be called Phil.

No, the James Corden Confused.com ads are not the worst. But they are as debilitating as a nauseous hangover at a toddler's ballpool party - shouty, loud, annoying and wearying. People on Facebook and Twitter and Sky and The Sun seem to exist in a constant state of shouting these days. They're not shouting anything that makes any rational sense, just expressions of their approval, annoyance or surprise.

Think Chris Kamara, a burbling proto-human who communicates with shrieking roars and a creased forehead. Or Keith Lemon, displaying his appreciation of Holly Willoughby's breasts by leering and pointing at his cock. Dapper Laughs, with his vocabulary consisting of 'bruv', 'slut', 'bants' and 'rape'.

Just imagine a world where people communicated in audio emojis, honking their feels at one another while brandishing an iPhone. In a recent survey I did 93% of Facebook posts that people shared consisted solely of the word 'scenes', in the vast majority of these cases that single word was enough to garner around 45 Likes or similar expressions of approval. Meanwhile one in three comments contained the sarcastic words 'what a time to be alive', apparently because there is no other way in the English language to express sarcasm.

james corden advert

My thoughts exactly.

LOL. Saying 'amay-zing!' in about four syllables and a high-pitched voice. Taking a photo of a slimy burger and chips you paid £15 for and subtitling it with 'nom' or 'winning'. Ignoring the fact that most people who have ever claimed to be 'winning' are total losers, the random declaration of such a thing seems to be the accepted medium for a Uniladding, Ladbroking, Nandos-ing generation. Perhaps it's a symptom of the fact that we need to subtitle everything that happens in our lives, an existence mediated by Snapchat filters and Instagram hashtags.

"Just call me Mr Greenlight." Brilliant. Whoever came up with that really earned their money. Barking at a dog. LOL. Awkward, Brentish asides to an uninterested passenger. Amazeballs.

That all we aspire to in life is some traffic lights changing in our favour - and this is worthy of a whooping "I'm the King of the World' acclaim - is a kind of party political broadcast for 2016, perhaps the shittest year since records began.

The fact that the soundtrack to this James Corden Confused.com advert is a song by a man who was killed it a car crash sums up the whole blithe vacuity of the whole enterprise. Which seems to be James Corden in a nutshell.

James Corden Confused.com advert

10Apr/157

Samsung Galaxy S6 James Corden Advert

James Corden baffles me. He's actually quite a good actor and isn't utterly dreadful - despite his annoying ubiquity ramping up the irritation quotient. But I have never once found him remotely funny. And when the rest of the world finds something funny that you don't, it's discombobulating.

Gavin And Stacy, not funny. Horne and Corden, not funny. Lesbian Vampre Killers I'll admit I haven't seen, but does anyone on God's green Earth think it's likely to be funny? His Comic Relief skits that Premiership footballers think are hilarious, not funny. James Corden, fundamentally, is not funny.

Consider this James Corden advert for the Samsung Galaxy S6 phone - it is not remotely funny and I honestly can't see how or why anyone would disagree with this analysis. A man wearing a beard (Wilf, his 'alter-ego') and being pretentious isn't funny; it's one of the hoariest cliches imaginable about directors. People being freaked out by special effects is not funny. That's one of the hoariest cliches going about oversold adverts. Taking the piss out of Apple - a bit rich coming from global megalith Samsung - isn't funny, it's one of the most frequently-trod memes out there. All told, it's an incredibly unfunny advert.

Corden is described by Samsung as the 'man of the moment' and 'humourous'. The Drum describes Corden as 'personable' and the advert as and 'tongue-in-cheek'. Wow, hold me back.

"I don't need this," says Corden at the end of the advert - and that's what so odd. No, you don't need it: you don't need the money, the exposure or another unfunny thing on your CV and we don't need it either. Undercutting the over-exposed, rich and successful is a bit of a recurring theme in Corden's stuff - but isn't he all of those things? He's mates with David Beckham, Gary Barlow, David Cameron and Andy Murray. It's like satire done by people who literally don't understand satire.

Corden seems to be the golden boy at the moment, for reasons I can't really fathom. From his oddly creepy documentary following around Gary Barlow - someone else who has attached themselves to David Cameron for reasons not especially obvious - to his day editing The Sun or twatting around with Beckham, it's as if the roly-poly funnyman seeks out media opportunities designed to irritate most right-thinking people.

James Corden Advert Beckham

"Hilarious spoof advert"

Famous people chumming around with other famous people is one of the most aggravating things imaginable - Corden seems to have made a career out of it. It's safe, smug and sycophantic.

James Corden Book

I love Britain for its irreverence and its inclination to cock a snoop at the rich and famous. But the blandishments of Corden - and his resulting popularity - seem to fly in the face of all of that. Like so many others I can only look on when Corden appears on my screen with genuine puzzlement. James Corden just isn't funny - is he?

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