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12Feb/170

The Worst Advert of 2016

Well. I didn't see that coming. You can add the victory of the MoneySupermarket Strutters in the poll to find the worst advert of 2016 to Brexit and Trump. Somehow the advert has ended up feeling the worst of that shitty triumvirate, though arguably it's less likely to cause the end of human existence as we know it.

The meerkats have settled into a sort of low-level 'it's-never-going-away-deal-with-it' humadruzz; GoCompare regenerates every month or so in an effort to find a new non-lethal weapon designed to make you purge your stomach and void your bowels; Confused.com has thrown its no-inconsiderable weight behind the not-inconsiderable weight of James Corden.

worst advert of 2016

They're all annoying, but none of them wear it so badly as the MoneySupermarket adverts, which also display a wholly undeserved smugness. The freak hit of the EpicStrut advert has spawned a series of total duds, carpet-bombing the airwaves like the pitiful follow-up singles of an already-forgotten X-Factor winner. It's a zombie that's still alive even though all its limbs have been hacked off.

That the MoneySupermarket strutters managed to destroy a field full of debilitating, quite appalling adverts speaks of a deep loathing among the public that outpaces even faeces-packed nutribullets such as James Corden's Mr Greenlight advert, the abysmal 'children talking about wiping their bottoms; Andrex adverts, the fucking GoCompare cabbie (part-Greg Wallace, part-David Yelland, twice as abysmal) and even The Bloody Admiral.

Notable 'other' answers are included in the Wordle below, but Shpock was a common choice. It's also worth noticing that James Corden becomes the first person in the best part of a decade to attract a significant number of votes in two different adverts.

Where once banishment to a different continent once brought sweet relief, Corden seems to have become some sort of purgatorial instrument, destined to torment us in perpetuity.

The #epicwars - with strutters, builders and accountants (and random fat woman) - may have combined to create the worst advert of 2016, but it feels like Corden will abide for many, many decades.

worst advert of 2016

24Jan/174

Sainsbury’s Food Dancing Advert: #FoodDancing

sainsbury's advert fooddancingIf you dance while you're cooking I have some alarming news for you. You don't exist.

I know that's a shock to the system and you probably didn't see it coming, but I'm afraid you and your entire family don't exist, apart from in the minds of some people who live within a mile of the DLR and work in advertising.

You were dreamed up as a way of convincing people that cooking needs to be attached to some other act to make it more exciting. Like CarFucking or SleepLearning or BathEating - because we're all too busy to do anything properly and anything we're compelled to do must be matched with some sort of aspirational leisure pursuit.

This is important because boring old food and stupid old cooking is insufficiently interesting to hold the attention of literally anyone these days. So #FoodDancing has been invented.

That's where you come in, #FoodDancer, and it's why you were dreamed up to fulfil a creative brief whose aim is to convince people to buy more kale, sausage rolls and Activia yoghurt.

But fear not, soon there will be real people who dance while cooking. So you can take some solace that your non-existence had some meaning. Soon you will be joined by, ooh, about 30 people who upload shaky portrait-orientated videos of them dancing stupidly while stirring a curry.

Those people will upload their videos to Youtube, Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram with the hashtag #FoodDancing. And somewhere in London some people will make a note of this and make a PowerPoint then show it to someone who works at Sainsbury's who, in turn, will hand over a cheque for three million pounds.

So you see, while I understand that this is existentially terrifying for you, your non-existence wasn't in vain. As you dissolve in nothingness try to be comforted by the fact that your fleeting life wasn't completely wasted. And you inspired a vast social movement that encouraged people to fail around their kitchens as a Sainsbury's read-meal slowly rotates in a microwave.

What Sainsbury's says

Filmed in real kitchens all across Britain, this captures people experiencing the simple pleasure of dancing whilst cooking. Whatever your particular style of dancing, however you like to cook, that moment when you’re sizzling and jiggling away to a tune, that’s living well.

Sainsbury's worked with UK Hip Hop artist MysDiggi, who incidentally had his first job at Sainsbury’s, to create a bespoke track and music video showcasing Britain Food Dancing.

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