AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

20Apr/162

Galaxy Duet Advert: Crimes Against Music

See the Galaxy Duet advert. See its fearlessly multicultural cast. Appreciate its mixture of classic and contemporary; refined and urban. Feel its effortlessly transcendent musical symbiosis. Tremble as everything you know is turned on its head. There is only pre-Galaxy Duet advert and post-Galaxy Duet advert now. Can anything ever be the same again?

I ate a whole Galaxy bar once. My university flatmates had perceived that I was in a very bad mood and bought me a 400g bar of the stuff. I may have been giving up smoking at the time - or I may have just been in a really foul mood. Either way I ate all of it in one go. 14 fucking portions of Galaxy chocolate in a sitting. Sickly sweet though it was - like a Mellow Birds version of chocolate - I was a bit more chipper after that.

galaxy duet advert

There's no real reason for telling that story, beyond the fact that it's my only direct experience of Galaxy. But for about 30 seconds it took my mind off the debilitating noise from this Galaxy Duet advert, apparently voiced by a lady named Chanele McGuinness and a man rejoicing in the unlikely sobriquet of Bxnjamin. How do you pronounce that? I mean if you're Prince you can get away with a symbol; if you're the guy off the Galaxy Duet advert there are going to be a lot of people asking how to pronounce your name.

"You know, Bxnjamin."

"Err..."

"Off of the Galaxy Duet advert. You know, Bxnjamin..."

"You mean Benjamin?"

"...yeah, ok, Benjamin."

I always feel a bit mean having a pop at people who are probably only trying to make a bit of cash and a name for themselves. But if you star in a choclatier's horrible advert and are actively defacing a song most people recognise as rather beautiful you might as well go on Britain's Got Talent and openly insult the audience for being the braying, Cowell-worshipping morons they patently are.

This is yet another advert where I simply refuse to believe that virtually everyone involved knows it's absolutely dreadful. Everyone on Youtube thinks it's awful (it's telling that comments are disabled); everyone on Twitter hates it. Funnily enough there are people on Facebook who don't hate it, then again Facebook is awash with Britain First, Vote Leave and Boris Johnson Legend! groups, so what do they know?

Galaxy Duet advert on Twitter

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1Jan/167

Just Eat Adverts – Crimes Against Music

Just Eat adverts

The new series of Just Eat adverts seem to signalling a new front in the ongoing war against humanity that advertising so often represents. In the I Need A Balti and Chicken Madras ads we have a notification of intent; a warning shot over the bows.

Because the fact that these two ads have come out in quick succession suggests there's a whole new array of mind-melting adverts for the internet takeaway service. Korma Chameleon? Tikka To Ride? Vindaloo Killed The Radio Star? Don't bet against it.

Most companies - especially internet-based companies - new to television advertising are out to make an impact. And when these companies offer a service, rather than a product, there's very little point in shelling out the millions of quids required to make and promote your brand if you don't. So Just Eat and rival Hungry House look likely to join the ranks of price-comparison sites, betting companies and banks in giving you a metaphorical ear-flick several times a day.

And while the Just Eat Adverts aren't that egregious in the first place - the I Need A Balti ad even spoofs itself, pleasingly - anything that arrives uninvited in your home several times a day is going to get tired extremely quickly. Imagine someone making a mildly amusing pun. Now imagine them repeating it about 200 times. That's what we've got to look forward to here.

As a result I have to file both of the Just Eat adverts thus far - and the thousands to come - under Crimes Against Music. And though I don't have a lot of time for Groove Armada's I See You, I don't know what Bonnie Tyler has done to deserve I Need A Hero being so roughly taken up the bum.

My prediction: Wake Up, Little Sushi beaming out of your telly throughout 2016.

NB. Is it just me or in this Chicken Madras advert has the girl in it just been shagged by the backing dancer? No wonder she's got an appetite.

NB2. Warming to their theme, there's also a Christmas Just Eat advert riffing on The 12 Days Of Christmas, coming in at a staggering two-and-a-half minutes. I think that's testing the patience of even the LOL generation. The highest-rated comment on Youtube as I write?

'Twats'.

Which is your most-hated of the Just Eat adverts?

'just eat advert actor'

Always harsh to single out the actors but these tweets caught my eye on Twitter.

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