AdTurds Bad Averts – Badverts –

15Dec/114

November 11 keywords: Stacey Solomon gammon?

For the last time this year I've trawled the AdTurds keywords from Google Analytics, which is increasingly like panning for gold in liquid shit.

For the uninitiated these are search terms used by people who ended coming to the site, so they provide a valuable insight into what people are looking for and, to an extent, what their views are.

Their views, it's safe to say, are generally negative. Obviously there's a chicken-and-egg nature to the kind of people who navigate to AdTurds, but there's devil in the longtail - those long, unwieldy, unlikely searches that reveal a lot about what people think of bad adverts.

I've jotted down the ones that caught my eye - for whatever reason - from November.

"go compare" "fuck off" - 32 instances
fuck off halifax you cunts! - 10 instances
are gay people offended by the maltesers ad?
harvester comma
women stalking towards the camera en masse like post-feminist zombies lusting after a scarf - my take on last year's M+S advert, appropriated by Janet Street-Porter
frankie cocozza crabs - this does not strike me as unlikely
freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot
is the little boy stacey solomabs real son iceland advert - several people seem to be under the impression that Stacey Solomon is called Stacey Solomabs or Shobalob
littlewoods christmas advert 2011 makes me cringe - you're not alone; at the time of writing this ad is duking it out with Haribo to be named worst ad of the year
racist littlewoods advert
sick advert advertising gravy with dancing cow
wow its bracing cunt
adverts with les ferdinand
andrew castle is a warty cunt who promotes accidents - allegedly
argos christmas advert walking sperm
argos paedophilic bieber advert - quite a few people picked up on this - an advert where the 51-year-old Caroline Quentin (as an alien sperm) openly lusts after the 17-year-old Justin Bieber (not far off a sperm himself
at homebase we've everything you need to have a wank - I find this hard to believe
awful ad version of wouldn't it be nice
barclays advert where are the man shoes from - a tough ask
big nose iceland adverts - one of several variations commenting on Stacy Solomon's appearance
boots here come the girls adverts are fucking annoying
cadburys final countdown ad bizarre sinister
can someone stop the halifax adverts - no, I've been trying for years
carey mulligan covered in jizz - no joy here either

Colmans

People are disgusted by the Colman's gravy advert with a dancing gravy cow

coleman's gravy advert disgusting
colemans beef gravu advert puts you off
colemans gravy advert controversy
colemans gravy advert disturbing
colemans gravy advert horrible
colemans gravy advert terrible
colman's beef gravy advert animal rights
colmans beef gravy advert complaint
colmans beef gravy advert distasteful
colmans real meat juice gravy disgusting
complaint about new colemans advert
complaint gravy advert dancing

corsodyl advert does woman really have false tooth
direct line wank humour adverts
dishwasher with talking vagina tv commercial - I refuse to believe etc.
do you need id to buy the baileys dome gateau from iceland
does anyone else find robin brown annoying - hmm
does anyone else find the condensation outside on planitherm windows annoying - I find the Planitherm advert annoying
does anyone else hate the nandos noise?
double glazing cunts

EDF Energy

Not sure what these are about as yet - taking a leaf out of Confused.com's book?

edf energy advert actress bouncing breasts
edf energy advert bouncy
edf energy advert tits

frankie cocozza staring into space m and s ad

Fuck

A frequent entry in keywords data for this site

fuck off and die morrisons advert
fuck off halifax
fuck off i'm not talking to rice uncle ben
fuck off jamie oliver
fuck off lloyds bank
fuck off nat west
fuck off wonga app on words
fuck the boots advert
fuck the fucking x factor
fuck two bitches a day advert - I refuse to believe etc.
fuck wonga
fuck you i'm terry wogan - I really hope Terry Wogan says this to people
fuck your adverts you cunts

fucking meerkat cunts fuck off you little twats - a sentence that might once have killed Mary Whitehouse stone dead

gravy boat craig colton - a bemusing and amusing juxtaposition

Halifax

Halifax inspires dreadful anger

halifax advert choir man punch fist
halifax advert choir shit go and fuck with a cactus
halifax choir advert what utter shit
halifax choir adverts are such bollocks
halifax choir adverts terrible
halifax choir adverts the cunts
halifax choir annoying
halifax choir complaints

has your childs credit history been fucked up by wonga.com
here come the fucking cunting girls
how come stacey solomon sings driving home for christmas she's jewish
how does one complain to itv about littlewoods advert
how scary does bruce look in the morrisons advert
iceland advert she never eats anything
icelands shit on a stick
is the kid in the john lewis advert darth vader?
jenson button head and shoulders masturbating
louis walsh sperm - a disturbing search query
new argos christmas ad with pervert alien
new toys r us advert subliminal messages - it's the liminal ones that concern me
prius pussy subliminal
stacey solomon gammon? - brilliant. Three words; one question mark.
the redknapps wont be so smug now - quite chilling
the ugliest child in the world haribo advert
wanking with canesten - New BBC series?
what are fucking the women like on eharmony uk

Muller

Muller's cluster-toon-fuck is appalling readers

i don't get the muller advert - is there anything to get?
i'll fucking wowcher you you cunts - This has been rising up the charts recently
what the fuck is that muller advert about
what the fuck is that new muller ad?
what the fuck is up with the muller advert

who is the guy walking with the flowers on the halifax savers account advert 2011
who shit john lennon
who would be stupid enough to use wonga
wouldn't it be nice volkswagen commercial horrible

fusion pro glide vagina - I'm guessing the answer is 'yes if you're careful'

X Factor

Confusion reigns over the M+S / X-Factor ads

why do they keep changing the m&s christmas advert
why is craig not in the m&s xfactor advert
why is frankie not on the m & s advert anymore
why is misha b last on m&s advert
why isn't johnny on the m and s advert?

Cheryl Baker

Cheryl has some dubious fans

cheryl baker big tits
cheryl baker milf
cheryl baker panties
cheryl baker tits
cheryl bakers breasts
cheryl bakers fanny
cheryl tits milk

4Nov/112

October Keywords: Fuck off I’m not talking to rice Uncle Ben

uncle-benAnother month, another deluge of funny, weird, sexy and scary keywords that AdTurds readers have been typing into their search engines.

The one in the title - Fuck off I'm not talking to rice Uncle Ben - tickled me, but the following one also elicited a giggle too:

does the vw advert really say wouldn't it be nice if we were rover?

It isn't, of course, but the idea of it amused me. I doubt if any car manufacturer in the last 20 years would envy Rover, but the notion of VW putting subliminal messages into its ads, such peculiar ones at that, is an intriguing one.

Elsewhere the guy on the far left of the Halifax choir is upsetting readers - several readers have been upset by him. I've not seen him yet, but I imagine there's already a Facebook page that exists simply to disparage him. He'll probably be making an appearance on here soon, as I suspect I'm going to loathe Halifax's new ads even more than the old ones in the long run.

Paul Whitehouse, Stephen Merchant, Cheryl Baker and Louise Rednknapp were in the firing line this month - I particularly liked 'freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot' though.

Brands-wise it's all about Halifax, Barclays, Go Compare, Confused.com, Wonga, Haribo, Colmans, Gillette and Eurostar to name a few.

Already the shortlist for the worst adverts of 2011 article is forming. And what a shitty shortlist it's shaping up to be.

AdTurds October 2011 keywords

oh the hatred i feel for the halifax adverts cannot be put into words - 11 separate instances. I find this hard to believe, but surely Google can't be wrong? According to the Big G 11 different people typed this phrase into their search engine and navigated here

go compare "fuck off" - 9 separate instances

confused.com fat black woman - 8 separate instances

stephen merchant is a c*nt - 4 separate instances

anyone else hate that guy in the loreal commercial? - 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid - 3 separate instances

fuck off halifax you c*nts! - 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid - 3 separate instances, see more on the stupid dad meme

gillette fusion proglide challenge guy is a twat - 3 separate instances

stephen merchant what a fuckin wanker - 3 separate instances

colmans advert disgusting cow - 2 separate instances

fuck off i'm not talking to rice uncle ben

what is the new muller advert about? - not yoghurt, I don't think

"patula" kid can fuck off

...... the confused.com woman keeps pulling stuff out her vadge! seriously.

advert where woman leaves her poop on the table - genuinely don't know what this ad is - anyone?

adverts with bums

adverts with gordon brown

are the 2 girls in the maltesers ad with boyfriends asleep sisters?

are the haribo family a real family

bmw she's a cunt commercial - sounds like a bold new ad strategy for BMW

bt advert - where is the bt womans baby? - good question

can i fuck danni minogue for cash?

chummy mums love fucking

colmans new advert gravy creepy
colmans gravy advert needs to fucking stop
colmans advert for beef gravy is horrible

confused.com advert aimed at homosexuals

creepy wonga adverts

do gay people object to the malteasers ad

does anyone else refuse to use go compare simply because they hate the adverts?

does anyone hate the fat fucker from the jacamo advert?

does the vw advert really say wouldn't it be nice if we were rover?

freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot

gillette fusion commercial voice over fuck buddy

girl shitting herself outside the palace in halifax

guy on the far left of halifax ad
halifax advert choir bottom left man annoying
halifax advert stupid bloke in choir

halifax adverts make me sick
halifax choir cunts

horrible awful weird money supermarket tv ad gorilla terrible

i hate the new coffee advert don't want to see people fucking on my tv

ive shagged cheryl baker

martine mccutcheons huge fat bum

mignon morceaux phileas fogg m&s - I remember these fried snacks fondly

muller advert what the fuck?

paul masson maaaaaa

pepsi twist lime urinating analysis - great ad

professional women has a poop accident in her panties

sky broadband is fucking shit crap bullshit stupid

tesco people who are ugly

throwing poo acid advert uk - I refuse to believe there's such an advert

torture tory bing commercial - ditto

volkswagen advert hitler think blue

what advert had a wig attacking people - dunno but I want to see it

what the hell is happening in the new muller advert

who are the 3 men in the eurostar advert - advert win!
who are the tossers in eurostar advert
eurostar ad with jarvis cocker, who are the other two?

who does horrible wouldn't it be nice cover on volkswagon advert

who is rod rammage?

who is that silly woman in the iceland ads?

who is the fat thing go compare

why cadbury caramel is better than cadbury crunchie

wispa death pussy images

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