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Wayne Rooney’s Caravan – Nike advert

We've had a shit world cup advert already, but Nike has come along with a good one to balance things out a bit.

There's a full three-minute superstargasm version of Write The Future that's a bit hard to swallow, and the 'making of' vid is like a parody of art-advert wank, but this little 30-second spot about a parallel universe version of Wayne Rooney is brilliant.

While the ad's director can think of only 'street-wise' by way of praise for Rooney - and the making-of vid shows Rooney's sole observation on the making of the ad to be that it was so cold he had to wear a coat - the sight of a hugely-bearded, down-at-heel Rooney genuinely amused me.

And the recollections of two trailer-park types on Wayne obsessively practicing the fateful move that resulted in his downfall over and over again, and the day Rooney emerged from his caravan to be faced with a huge picture of Franck Ribery, his nemesis in the ad, are spot-on too.

So, all very good. But rather similar to Reebok's 'Other careers' spots well over a decade ago.

Those ads uncovered the hiterto undetected deadpan talents of Andy Cole, who might have turned out as a chip-shop attendant if he's bought a packet of fireworks instead of a pair of Reebok footy boots.

Talent borrows etc.

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Carlsberg World Cup ad treads a familiar and depressing route

I enjoyed the first two thirds or so of this. Yes, it slots into every box-ticking FUCKING FOOTY IS FUCKING BRILLIANT AND MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING! category imaginable these days.

Yes there's the usual dodgy jingoism about it all, and, yes it's the usual footy+lager/MacDonalds/chocolate meme we get every world cup (see also: Venables, Redknapp and Wright disaster confluence).

I like Jackie Charlton's appearance - it's a link back to football was a nobler, less commodified pursuit - and I like some of the voiceover; it's almost as if it's a reminder to overpaid, spoilt Premiership stars to buck their bloody ideas up and remember they're not just playing for themselves.

The appearance of some of England's foremost sportspeople is an important reminder than we're a little country capable of great things, before it goes all foreigner-baiting with the quite astonishing "You'll make them regret the day they took on England!'.

Worse than that, though, is the use of the images of Bobby Moore and, especially Bobby Robson. Using Robson's image, particularly, to sell shit lager seems like the height of bad taste to me. Yes, as a Newcastle United fan, but also as a human being. The guy died less than a year ago. Jesus.

And then all hell breaks loose. Kasabian - a band I associate mainly with binge-drinking, Saturday night city-centre violence and shit gangster films - and eye-rolling ENGERLAND! bollocks and Botham twatting about in chainmail. And Aslan.

Promising start. Feeble, predictable, depressing end. Can you guess where I'm going with this?