AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts


Renault Kadjar Advert: Beach House

Renault Kadjar Advert: Beach House

The Renault Kadjar advert. I hate everything about it. The basics - the look, the car's annoying name (what is that "d" in there for?), the fact the ad says nothing about the car at all - are awful, but then they are for 90% of car ads. But this single 30 seconds is so, SO much worse.

I hate the music - a phenomenally bad choice (a Chris Isaak song for a start) and terribly edited. I hate the Michael Bay cinematography. I hate how out-of-sync the dialogue is, which is especially weird since it’s clearly been filmed in English, so presumably the actors were aware of how terrible this was going to be and did it deliberately badly in the hope it wouldn’t be used, like Harrison Ford doing the voiceover for the end of Blade Runner.

But most of all I hate the couple in it. I hate everything they stand for and care about, although since that is clearly only themselves that's not necessarily that much. I hate their "relationship". I hate the way the dog is the equivalent of the furniture to them. I hate the look on the bloke's face when he says "we'll think about it" - said in the same way Donald Trump would look at a desperate Russian prostitute who's just meekly voided both her bladder and dignity for his pleasure, and has had to request payment for such a service whilst surrounded by heavily armed Secret Service agents.

Renault Kadjar Advert: Beach House

I hate the way it treats divorce as if it's just a stupid game about money and who-gets-what and not a cripplingly distressing period in which (speaking from personal experience) everyone feels thoroughly miserable, depressed and regrets all their mistakes, which I guess actually makes the ad some sort of uber-metaphor for the Brexit negotiations. Which now that I write that seems apt, since the couple are clearly so self-absorbed, deluded and consumed by their own mistaken belief in their magnificence that they end up fucking themselves just because they can.

The thing is that it's one of only about five adverts (a roster that distressingly also includes the rapping Windows teacher) that feature on 4OD at the moment. So whereas on TV you’d maybe be unlucky to see an annoying ad a couple of times in an evening, I'm subjected to this three times an hour when I'm catching up on Come Dine With Me.

It makes me actively despise Renault. It makes me despise all 128,400 people who work for Renault (even that lovely Robert Kubica). It makes me despise everyone related to any of those 128,400 who work for Renault. It makes me despise anything Renault have ever contributed to global output.

It is so bad it makes me want Kim Jong-un to start testing his nukes on France. Thanks to the logo on the nose of that stupid red thing, I've even taken against quadrilaterals.

They did, indeed, do a bad, bad thing.

* Thanks to an anonymous - and very concerned - reader who sent this in

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Go Compare Advert Proves Advertising Doesn’t Work

go compare advert

Yes it's another Go Compare advert. I thought a long time ago I had nothing left to say about them and, indeed, there's not much new to this latest effort featuring Gio Compario wingwalking over English landmarks with some musicians because blah.

Astonishingly and worryingly this advert has been on Youtube at the time of writing - and it has 2.5 million views. Two-and-a-half million people - 2.49m more than vote in local elections - have decided that they wanted to spend a minute of their time watching the latest Go Compare advert. I mean I know people actually voted for Brexit and Trump but this is on a whole different level.

"Ah but you watch the adverts!" someone usually claims in response to these missives, as if they've discovered the Ark of the Covenant and solved Fermat's Last Theorem in one fell swoop. Well yes, I have. Twice in fact. But I suffer for the good of humanity, like those people who sting themselves so they can research the effects of your arm turning into rotting offal and sliding off your body like a fried egg hitting a window.

go compare advert £2bn

Anyway, something did catch my eye that I thought was interesting. This advert is about the amount of money there is out there being wasted because people don't switch. They don't switch energy suppliers, home insurance, car insurance... and £2bn a year goes into the pockets of utilities companies who, as we all know, barely have a pot to piss in.

Four out of five don't bother - in the knowledge that it could save them around £100 a year. Imagine that. Someone says 'if you fill in a couple of forms on the internet I'll give you a ton' and they shrug and go and watch Love Island on catch-up.

Why is this significant? Because it throws into doubt the efficacy of all sorts of things: privatisation of utilities being better for consumers, the invisible hand of the market, advertising...

So there you have it. You were good for something Gio - proving your own uselessness. Now fuck off.

Tagged as: 2 Comments

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