AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

Suggest An AdTurd

Tell me about the worst advert currently on television - the one that really grinds your gears, the one that makes you switch off, hurl obscenities at the television or simply throw yourself out of the window.

The Admiral advert, Tesco advert or Just Eat advert? Or long-running series from the likes of Money Supermarket, Confused.com or Go Compare? Or simply the newest thing that had you gouging your face in annoyance.

I'll try to track down the worst offenders and give them the AdTurds treatment. It won't change anything - but it might make you feel very slightly better about the world.

Browse the old comment section - with over 1100 comments complaining about adverts - for more misnathropy.

Do your worst - but keep it civil. No personal abuse - and anything that smacks of bigotry in any way will be deleted and the user banned. That means:

    No racism.
    No sexism.
    No homophobia.

  • James Mohammadi

    I’d like to suggest an adturd. The latest apple add for their “iPortrait”. Not withstanding the lazy naming conventions that they insist on sticking with, but this has to be the most obnoxious add they’ve ever had. How not one person on their marketing team could not see how annoyingly pretentious it is, not to mention the terrible song is beyond me. Then again i guess every layman has bought apple products indiscriminately since the “iPod” and other fashion accessories made style more important than technology.

  • Paul Johnson

    What about the gurning beardy shit in the Sunny payday loans commercial? Of course, we all believe that ‘life support’ is being in hock to them by paying 1300% interest on a sunny loan. ‘Life support’? I’d rather drink hemlock than watch this load of crap!

  • Vega DA

    Wish that bloody woman would stop finding lame excuses to smear yoghurt on her nose. It wasn’t funny the first time around, it’s slightly less amusing 2,000 interations of the same ‘joke’ later…

  • joe king

    I cannot fucking stand the British Seniors adverts. ‘Oh stargazer lillies, they were Janes favourite… I couldn’t afford a send off like that.’
    Chit-chatting about one of their dead friends like she’s gone off on holiday to Zanzibar for a month. Im not sure whats the most depressing, the prospect of having nothing to look forward to in my old age other than having a ‘lovely send off’ or the thought that my cold hearted friends aren’t in the least bit upset that I am fucking dead.

    • Vega DA

      Evil adverts for evil companies preying on the worries of older folks. Also starring really crap amateur dramatics society rejects…

    • Rebecca Flowers

      I actually find it astonishing that these people were hired as actors. But the best part of the advert for me is at the end when the two husbands are sat together and one says something completely innocuous to the other and they start laughing like maniacs. Is that what retirement does to people? I can’t bloody wait!

  • Tintin Quarantino

    Right, so this fucking Colgate Total advert:

    This woman is experiencing a situation that most people would probably class as “intensely annoying”, She’s on a crowded commuter train. There’s a child relentlessly playing with a squeaky toy. A stranger is staring at her and grinning. As more and more passengers cram on, she’s forced to stand closer and closer to the leering stranger. Finally, the driver announces that the train is going to be stuck on the platform for an indeterminate amount of time.

    This is the most annoying situation any human being could possibly find themselves in. And yet, the most annoying thing about the advert is the woman herself. It’s an advert for toothpaste that appears designed to set your teeth on edge.

    • Rebecca Flowers

      She certainly does have a face that invokes a fight response

  • Sharon Presland

    Another classic song ruined by some whiny female voice sluuuuuurring it real sloooooow. I’m looking at you Brighthouse. Grrrr…

  • Sharon Presland

    Park is at it again! They ruined the whole Santa thing for my children last year by showing their dumb advert on daytime tv, to which I complained to them, and they are back this year with another horrible tacky offering and this time there is something really psycho looking about the mum. I don’ t know if it’s the stary eyes, the massive brows or the cringey dance.. it’s just a damn train wreck of an excuse for an ad and their marketing team should all be ashamed of it.

  • Sharon Presland

    The Batiste dry shampoo one with the horrid horrid HORRID woman’s voice saying “yes you can!” over and over. Please dear lord someone make it stop!!

  • leeleem77

    Nationwide AGAIN! “I could call you at 3 in the morning” If you did I would rip your f*****g head off you prick.

  • chunky

    Women performing simulated fellatio on choc ice lollies, no one eats them like that and especially not women wearing lipstick;

  • dan

    “Plants are the new cowwwsssss” no, you silly bint with your irritating, overly drawn out words, no they are not. “They sit in the fields aaallll daayyyy” wonder how much the ad agency charged for that piece of revolutionary insight.

    My guess is the analogy was supposed to be that butter is made from dairy, ie cows milk and their manky butter you likely spread is from plant oils. Who cares, it truly will not influence whether or not I buy their crap, if anything bad ads make me avoid a brand like the plague just so there’s no risk of further financing this stuff.

    I think this drivel is for flora(?) Quite honestly I’ve struggled to hear the end. That womans accent makes me reach for remote quicker than a dad slamming the door as his child walks in on parent sex.

  • Bart Littlebird

    Those stupid Right Move adverts with the cartoon children “catchment areas, that’s all grown ups talk about these days”… Really? Not if we don’t have kids we don’t.

    • dan

      Lol! I have kids but i totally agree with you. It’s the kind of narrow minded focus grouped thinking that has pigeon holed everyone in society. You are looking to buy a house, so we assume your not old and obviously you aren’t going to be below 30 anymore as that generation are priced out of living, so you’re probably 30 – 40 chances are you’ve got kids. See stupid dad meme for another example of this kind of thinking.

  • Mark

    I can’t let this one go any longer.

    It’s the Pantene advert with Ellie Goulding kickboxing; with added slogan ‘strong and beautiful’. It doesn’t matter how much she postures and poses, and there is plenty of that going on in the ad; Ellie Goulding looks like an Easter Island statue; and one of the less attractive ones.

    A bit of a faux pas by Pantene.

    • leeleem77

      her face looks weird, it makes me think of Mr Potato Head.

  • Rebecca Flowers

    Got another one. Always sanitary towels ad. Eleven squillion women on the planet and no two are the same, so why should their pads be? Erm what?! 1) does that mean Always now make bespoke towels, because they only show a choice of four on the ad, and 2) actually if the purpose of sanitary towels is to absorb blood, then I kind of want them to be the same as the others they make in that respect, thank you very much.

  • Rebecca Flowers

    Oh yeah, another one which keeps reappearing like a turd that won’t flush is the Head and Shoulders shampoo ad where a bunch of women are sitting in front of their mirrors squealing like stuck pigs at the sight of their hair after it has apparently been washed in said product. Nothing to do with the fact that their hair has been professionally washed, cut and styled for the purposes of being on the telly. “Gonna pull tonight!”. Good for you, now fuck off.

    • Vega DA

      “No waaaaaaaay!”

      -Mouth wide open to look extra dumb-

      “I actually can’t believe it.”

      “Eeeeeee!”

      Perfectly natural reactions to a crappy shampoo …

    • leeleem77

      The woman who sounds like a clucking hen and the ginger woman really really bug me!

  • Rebecca Flowers

    Not an advert really, but the woman’s voice on the Pampers adverts makes me want to do a violent act every time I hear it, although it’s easier to mute the telly so I do that. I absolutely fucking can’t stand her stupid vacuous, up and down, patronising, “I’m talking to a bunch of four-year-olds” voice and unfortunately she seems to have migrated from Pampers to other adverts. I have now taken to muting the telly at every ad break, its just easier that way. I had a triple whammy yesterday of Pampers, Fairy heads shoulders knees and toes, and the singing Flash dog IN THE SAME AD BREAK which led me to the decision. I feel a bit better now.

  • Vega DA

    Movie TV spots with a voiceover that gives the release date as a sequel.

    “In cinema’s October 9” … “See it in IMAX, September 27” …

    ‘October the 9th’, or ‘the 9th of October’.
    ‘September the 27th’, or ‘the 27th of September’.

    It’s a DATE, not a sequel, dammit. Talk proper like what I do!!

    • Rebecca Flowers

      I totally agree with this. It’s dd/mm/yy
      I talks proper too, innit.

    • dan

      God I hate this too, I end up shouting at the tv or radio whenever it happens. It’s the bastardisation of the english language by americanisms, another one that’s taken root is changing series for season. It used to be the first series or second series now it’s season 1 or season 2.

      • Vega DA

        Ugh, yeah … I even catch myself saying ‘season’ now. Naturally I punch myself in the face every time.

  • Tintin Quarantino

    And finally (sorry) – this Voltarol advert.

    “Another boring day with granny and her pain! Yawn!”

  • Tintin Quarantino

    Oh and Nationwide adverts.

    “Nationwide Adverts are Shite”

    A poem by Tintin Quarantino

    Ah remembah growin’ oop int North
    Wheh ah had an accent that put people at ease
    Cos Northern accents sound dead warm and relatable
    Brown bread, salt’n’vinegar, chips’n’cheese

    So when Nationwide approached me to do an ad
    Wheh ah look at a camera with a shit-eating grin
    Waffling on about sentimental gahbage in me eh oop accent
    Ah was right chuffed ah was, ah was like “count me in”

    Maudlin bullshit, emotional manipulation
    Shilling on behalf of a bank!
    Ah walk towawds t’camera
    This poem is a pile of wank

    But at t’end of t’deh
    People are fucking morons
    So so long as I mention behbies or me mam
    Some of them will cry and say “awww”, and then job’s a good un.

    So here’s to the great British Nationwide advert
    With the pricks performing their awful sonnets
    Is there a motorway near your house, poets?
    If so, go and fucking sit on it.

    • Simon-Peter

      Love, love, love it!

    • Rebecca Flowers

      I think I’d rather like the Nationwide poetry ads if they were written by you

    • dan

      The first 4 adverts are like the “advertising for dummies guide” that it feels like 90% of ad companies use. Be careful, they might take a hit out on you for revealing the innermost secrets.

      • dan

        Oops, cant edit it, but where its says adverts in first line it should be verses.

  • Vega DA

    The latest Olay advert where Eve Cameron says “Women, like you …” in a really patronising tone.

    First, I’m a bloke.

    Second, piss off.

    • Ventus

      “First, I’m a bloke”

      Hahaha! Have an up-vote.

  • leeleem77

    Nationwide poetry adverts, utter drivel.

    • cornz

      Their not poets.
      Don’t we know it.
      Oh look, I’m a poet,
      But I didn’t know it!

    • cornz

      My ALL time favourite poem?
      Pay
      Day.

  • Bart Littlebird

    The Amazon Prime advert where that horrid little baby cries when the dog tries to make friends with it. If the dog had any sense it’d be better off staying well away from the baby. The little bugger will probably only pull its ears and tail anyway. Also it’s another one of those adverts that has awful sentimental wailing as music.

    • cornz

      Its the “song” they use that irks me. Utter nonsensical drivel designed to “tug” on our heart strings. Tough shit Amazon, I have no heart.

  • Vega DA

    The Gtech adverts … maybe they’re good products, I dunno (they’re damn expensive if you look at their website, so they’d better be good!) … but that bloke is so bloody SMUG. “I’m perfect, I invented this, give me money. Did I mention I’m perfect?” … Grrrrr!!!

  • Mark

    The Money Supermarket ad where the fat warbler and his mates are stood atop a flotilla of aircraft – I can’t see the relevance to the product; just ill-informed showing off as usual. An anti-aircraft gun would come in handy.

    • Bart Littlebird

      I think you mean Go Compare. Money Supermarket is guilty of other crimes though so it’s easy to get the two mixed up. And yes I’d definitely use anti-aircraft gun to wipe out that fat moustachioed opera singer and drop a bomb on that annoying taxi driver who shouts ‘fantastic!’ while I was at it.

      • Mark

        Thanks for the tip off; edited.

  • Mark

    Do Talk Talk want customers? This ad doesn’t do much to inspire me to ditch my current network and stampede to the nearest Talk Talk outlet. This Essex wife and her dodgy second hand car salesman husband are like a couple of Gogglebox rejects; and that isn’t the most glowing of references.

    • Sharon Presland

      Yeah I can’t believe I hadn’t picked on that one yet as we always always turn it over when it comes on. Foot tapping indeed. Yuk!

      • Mark

        Nice taste in cushions too :-L
        Still, at least Kat Slater has found herself some work, post Eastenders.

    • Vega DA

      There seems to be a whole range of adverts now where we have to endure “normal” families and their antics, Gogglebollocks style. This is one of the worst, but I’d put those takeaway adverts a pretty close second.

      • leeleem77

        both this one and the takeaway ones are awful, but the woman’s singing in this one really bugs me’

  • Nigel Kinzett

    Fairy Platinum biker baby ad – just plain annoying and Specsavers LP cleaning ad – just would never happen, if you loved your record collection.

  • Simon-Peter

    Corn Flakes : piss-poor attempt to “involve” the public in the “process” of…uh… cereal feedback? The public responded with enlightening gems such as wanting crispy cereal (who the fuck wants sodden corn flakes, I ask you) and, I shit you not, that people put cereal in the bowl first before the milk.

    What the holy fuck is this for? They might as well have asked if people like piss in their cornflakes, then cut to suspiciously-animated member of public explaining to us that, no, they do not like piss in their cornflakes. Should I feel “engaged” by this bollocks and “listened to” now? Should I fuck!

    • Mark

      I take it you’re not keen; I’m intuitive like that.

      • Simon-Peter

        Uncanny!

      • Sharon Presland

        Baaaahahaha! : )

    • Sharon Presland

      I have general aversion to cereal adverts full stop. I actually hate cereal and hate watching people eat it. There is always this sloppiness and greediness about it, it’s in the nature of the actual product that nobody will ever be able to make an appealing ad for it.

  • Barry Bridgeman

    The Vauxhall advert where the scummy mummies can’t be arsed to get changed out of their grotty Primark pyjamas to drop the kids off at school. WTF were they thinking aiming a car specifically for chavs? I think Vauxhall have had their ‘Ratner moment’. Besides that, the Crossland is a bloody awful looking thing too.

    • Mark

      Yes; not a very wise choice of customer; although their market research must have indicated that their cars appeal to people high on the chavness measuring scale.

  • Sharon Presland

    The new perfume ad with Natalie Portman. The way she walks up to the camera and says and you, what would you do for love? It sounds so cocky and defiant it irritates me BAD.

  • hardjackson

    Some additional suggestions arrive from Vince:

    “Ads you should feature: The one for the VI Poo. Do we really need to see shit in an advert. We all know what it looks like. The KFC one that has a drummer and is trying so hard to be cool but is so cringeworthy when some 35 year old woman pretending to be a ‘yout’ goes and that’s how it’s done that’s how it is or some old bollocks. Paddy Power’s cynical trying to rip off disabled people ‘Gold’ one. That PPI one where the guy gets all aggressive and goes ‘WHATS going on!!’ fuck off you gormless twat. thank you!”

    • Mark

      The crowdfunding Liam Smith will be watching the V.I. Poo ad with some interest.

  • jon gogwana

    The FCA PPI advert with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s head, really disturbing.
    Saw it and came straight here.

    • Vega DA

      Yup! I read about it the other day and knew I’d hate it – saw it last night and it’s even worse than I imagined. As if the endless PPI adverts themselves weren’t bad enough, the sodding FCA have got in on the act. AND we’ve got 2 more years of this shite. 🙁

    • Sharon Presland

      Haha! I hate the product it sells but the actual randomness of the head cracked me up no end.

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