AdTurds Bad Averts – Badverts –

19Jun/1419

AdWorms: June’s Most Annoying Advert

A deleterious round-up of annoying things designed to make you spend money.

SMA

I despise the way that advertising pretends that it's your friend, when it's not. Every time adverts make out that they're on your side, that they're trying to help or that they wish you well - remind yourself that they want your money and that's all.

I also hate the way that, as a society, we've elevated motherhood to some sort of irreproachable sainthood, as if people haven't been doing it for millions of years. Well done, you fulfilled your genetic pre-destiny. A generation ago they didn't make a big deal of it - they just fucking gone on with it without posting pictures of the their kids wearing ironic onesies. Just because - The Office so charmingly put it - you let some useless tosser blow his beans up your muff doesn't mean I want to hear about it.

Plenty

Juan Sheet wants to know if Pretty Lady Rachel has 'got plenty wet' after seeing his demonstration of absorption. I mean it's good, but surely it's not that good? If I'm honest I quite like this.

Gladstone Brookes

Ambulance-chasers: The Next Generation: Fuck off.

Apple

I just think this is a complete misfire; an embarrassing mistake that Apple hasn't quite recognised. Nice idea, maybe, but an utterly hideous disaster that seems to leave people baffled, insulted or simply very irritated by turn.

Go, you chicken fuck, go.

16Jun/1410

Go, You Chicken Fat, Go

go you chicken fat goEdited to add:

Here's what AdTurds readers have been typing into their browsers in relation to this advert. I think the keyword queries instructive.

Hate

i hate that go you chicken fat go commercial
apple chickenfat commercial sucks
chickenfat advert rubbish
go you chicken fat go apple annoying

Wrong brand

music new 3 advert. go you chicken fat go
o2 advert go u chicken fat go

You're doing it wrong!

girl you chicken fat girl
go now chicken fat run
oh you chicken fat
run chicken fat run
run fat chicken advert
run you chicken fat run

WTF?

what does the chicken fat mean in the apple advert
what is th advert about where they sing chicken fat
what is that chiken fat advert song for o2
what is the o2 chicken fat advert about
what the heck does go you chicken fat go mean
what the hell is the song about chicken fat
why does the advert say chicken fat


Why is Apple calling me Chicken Fat?

If I were reaching I'd say someone heard this and had one of those 'wouldn't this make a great soundtrack to an ad some day?' moments. Lo and behold, such an advert comes along and they plan the ad around the song. But, horror of horrors, it just doesn't quite work. It should, but it just doesn't. And, sometimes, even when something doesn't quite work you want it to so badly that you convince yourself that it does. Either that or you just think 'to hell with it' and go with it anyway.

I think that's what happened here. Because, genuinely, I just don't think this quite works.

You want background? OK, it was designed to be the soundtrack to a national calisthenics programme in the Sixties, played in schools, scout halls, holiday camps and prisons (probably) every single fucking day. And you thought four weeks of ads was bad enough.

• If you really hate this advert you can vote for it in the worst adverts of June poll.

Finally, the actual flipping lyrics. I take no responsibility for hurting yourself or driving yourself insane while reading them or trying to work out to them.

Touch down
Every morning
Ten times!
Not just
Now and then.
Give that chicken fat
Back to the chicken,
And don't be chicken again.
No, don't be chicken again.

Push up
Every morning
Ten times.
Push up
Starting low.
Once more on the rise.
Nuts to the flabby guys!
Go, you chicken fat, go away!
Go, you chicken fat, go!

Good morning!
Hands on hips, place!
Now then, touch your toes with me. Ready!

Touch down (up)
Every morning (down)
Ten times!
(Up) Not just (d-) [he mistakenly starts to say "down" here] (Four!) Now and then (up)
(Five!) Give that (up) chicken fat
(Six!) Back to the (up) chicken and
(Seven!) Don't be (up) chicken (Eight!) again
(up) No, (Nine!) don't be (up) chicken again. (Ten...halt!)

Hit the dirt! Hit!
Push ups next,
Nice and steady.
Not too fast.
Ready!

Push up (down)
Every morning (up)
Ten times!
Push up,
Starting low.
(Down! That's five.) Once more (down) on the rise
(Six!) Nuts to the (down) flabby guys.
Go, you chicken fat, go away (down).
(Nine) Go, you (down) chicken fat, go!
Ten, and halt!

Now, struggle up to your feet!
Strug...(Struggle!)
March in place, march!

Left! Left! Left! Left!
Left a good pound and a quarter.
Was it right, right that it should be left?
Yes, I left! Left! Left! Left!
Left a good pound and a quarter.
It was right (left), right (left) that it should be left!

And halt! One, two.
Next, sit-ups.
Everybody's favorite, so on your back, drop.
All right girls, you're in this too.
Arms over head, flop!
C'mon girls, now!
Sit up!

Sit up (down)
Every morning (up)
Ten times
Sit up (down)
(Up) On your seat. (down)
(Five) Swing that rusty gate.
(Six) Don't drop the tempo, mate.
(Seven) Can't win draggin' your feet.
(Eight) No, (nine) can't win draggin' your feet.
Ten, and halt!

Now on your feet, up!
Everybody, hands on hips, place.
Twist your trunk to the left, ready!

Twist left, front,
Now the right side,
Ten times!
Twist left, front
(Right) Grunting low (front)
Grunt!
(Ungh!) Louder!
(Ungh!) Front, now!
Left and front and everybody sing!
Go, you chicken fat, go!

And, halt.
Fingers back of your neck, lace.
Right foot forward, place.
The pogo spring, landing on alternate feet.
Ready!

Spring left,
Spring right,
Higher!
Higher!
Up, down,
Up, down,
Higher!
Higher!
Wait, not too high!
Up, down,
Up, down,
Up, down,
Halt!

Drop your hands to the side, feet together, place.
Overhead, clap, and jump to stride.
Known as the jumping jack far and wide.
All right, are you ready? Ready!

Jump, two! Clap, Two!
Clap, two! Clap, slap!
Clap, slap! Clap, slap!
Jump, two! Jump, two!
Jump, it's good for you.
Three more is all we do.
Jump, two!
And...halt and sing!
Go, you chicken fat, go!

March in place,
March! Left! Left! Left!
Left a good pound and a quarter.
Was it right, right that it should be left?
Oh, I left! Left! Left! Left!
Left a good pound and a quarter.
It was right (left), right (left) and halt.
One, two.

Palms up, arms to the side, raise!
Next we're gonna do backwards circles,
Ready? Ready!.
And around, Front and around.
Front and around, front and around.
Front and around, and halt.

Arms to the side, place.
On your back, drop.
And now, raise your legs in the air, raise!
It's the bicycle ride!

And, pump, pump, pump, pump,
Pump, pump, pump, pump,
Pump, pump, pump, pump,
Pump, pump, and...
Halt.
On your feet, up
Quickly, quickly, next
Inhale, arms sweep up inward,
Exhale, arms out and down.
(Inhale, arms sweep up inward,
Exhale, outward, down.)
Ready!

Inhale, slow
Every morning
Exhale, clear down.
Inhale, take the air!
Down and around and inhale.
Grab that oxygen,
Exhale and try again!
You're not getting your share.
(Clear down) No, (inhale) you're not getting your share!
On the down, halt!

The tortoise and the hare next.
First the tortoise.
Bend the elbow, and run in place.
Ready? Ready!

Running, (two)
(Run)
Like a tortoise,
(Okay)
Too far, and too slow.
Now double up, ready!
(Running)
Run two three four,
(Like a hare)
Run two three four,
(Now you are)
Run two three four,
(Getting there)
Run two three four,
Go you
(Run two three four)
Chicken fat,
(Run two three four)
(Go away!)
Everybody sing!
Go, you chicken fat, go!
Go!
Go!
Dismissed

Tagged as: 10 Comments

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