AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

15Nov/159

Best And Worst Christmas Adverts 2015

best worst christmas adverts 2015

There's nothing particularly complicated about making Christmas adverts - in fact it's easy. In the same way there only seven types of plot there are three types of Christmas advert. That's all. Every single one of them fits into one of these archetypes. These are they.

1. Non-existent Christmas-land full of lovely independent boutiques, gorgeous town houses and beautiful women stalking through town on their way to a party. Along the way we get to see all the various Christmas wares that will be eaten on Christmas Day and/or gifts that will be bought along the way. A celebrity chef may feature.

Typical users: Debenhams, Boots, Marks & Spencer

2. Crash-bang-wallop affair that makes no effort to romanticise the season but plays to the hedonistic indulgence of the senses Christmas amounts to. A cheap celeb or 'real' family may feature.

Typical users: Lidl, Aldi, TK Maxx, Asda, Iceland

3. Guilt-tripping grief-porn debacle that tries to make you sad before making you feel a little bit happy. A charity may be involved.

Typical users: John Lewis, Sainsbury's, Waitrose

See if you can spot which of the following fit in the above categories.

Argos Christmas Advert

A sort of low-rent James Bond mountain chase where, instead of a diamond that focuses a city-destroying laser beam, Bond is trying to spirit away a Dolce Gusto percolator from under the nose of Russian henchpeople.

Aldi Christmas Advert

Once upon a time Aldi's adverts were innovative, funny and disruptive - they existed as a kind of two-fingered salute to the established supermarkets. No more. This is the equivalent of just throwing everything you can find in the cupboard into a slow cooker and hoping some sort of alchemy happens. It doesn't, but it just about passes muster.

This advert is a touchstone for how Aldi now sees itself sitting at the top table. A triumph of 'me too' marketing.

It also features one of the worst vocal performances ever, apparently by someone called Jade Williams, doing that 'posh urchin' thing that Lily Allen has made so famous. Here's what an AdTurds reader typed into their browser in relation ti: 'who is singing on that fucking irritating aldi christmas ad?'.

Asda Christmas Advert

"Fuck it, it's Christmas," is the message from this Asda advert. It has the benefit of looking, feeling and sounding different to pretty much everything else out there. On the other hand we might as well be watching a forest fire in Indonesia overlaid with the words 'eat a mince pice'.

Boots Christmas Advert

Boots have located the only unused Christmas song in existence. I've always felt that the chemists has been among the more unlovely front-end stores so the cognitive dissonance is huge. If we saw a hellish packing factory in Warrington in the ad instead I'd have more respect.

Debenhams Christmas Advert

I'm sorry Debenhams, I've nothing against you at all. I just don't care about this advert and I have no idea what your brand proposition is beyond 'not John Lewis'. Apparently the voices in the advert are Dawn French, Matthew Horne, Jamelia, James Nesbitt and Sarah Milican. I didn't even realise - apart from Nesbitt's patented smarm. I think that says it all, frankly.

Harvey Nichols Christmas Advert Christmas Advert

A cute idea - but that doesn't stop it being fundamentally obnoxious. "Buy your family more expensive shit, lest they hate you," sums it up.

John Lewis Christmas Advert Christmas Advert

A shameless dash for a slice of the self-indulgent Christmas sentiment pie as there's ever been.

Littlewoods Christmas Advert

It's kind of to Littlewood's credit that they've stuck with multi-millionaire Myleene Klass following her shrill, Tory-briefed attack on progressive taxation last year. Nothing speaks to me more than a very wealthy, entitled brat who doesn't want to pay their taxes, I must say.

Given that Littlewoods' target audience are probably not holidaying in Gstadt that's a brave move. The advert suggests that Christmas is all about buying your loved ones smartphones to show you love them - brings a tear to the eye. Also amusing given that Myleene recently said: "I want my children to receive yo-yos and give yo-yos, not Kindles."

For the worst Christmas advert of all time, of course, check out this Littlewoods advert from 2011.

Lidl Christmas Advert

This is about as good as it gets this Christmas - extraordinarily it's one of the very few that doesn't put naked consumption front and centre. By taking a more sideways view it's essentially taken Lidl out of the meat-grinder of head-to-head battle seen elsewhere. As a result it's one of the few that displays any evident charm.

Marks & Spencer Christmas Advert

M+S by the numbers, which is to say it has the usual effect of acting like a sonic weapon. You get the feeling Marksies simply resurrects its robots from last year, programmes them to do their 'stalking towards the camera like materialist zombies' thing to whatever latest funny tune they've thrown a billion tonnes of pounds at and rearranges some snazzy visuals. A huge, crushing deadweight of hideousness shot in a vast warehouse in Hemel Hempstead. In August.

Matalan Christmas Advert

'Made for modern families' strikes me as a very 'austerity' Christmas message. David Cameron beating his fist on a lectern and talking about 'working people' while snatching the very tax credits that make life liveable. George Osborne closing down a SureStart centre, library or nursing home and offering you a Santa Gift Set in their place. Michael Gove as Santa Claus. Blech.

Morrisons Christmas Advert

Morrisons seems to hang on for dear life to its 'market within a really big building' shtick. I'm uncertain on what I make of this - if it gives staff a bit more control over their lives and engagement with their jobs then fair enough. It's also worth pointing out that Morrisons are the only other supermarket to offer staff above-minimum-wage earning, alongside Lidl. Does that ensure customer loyalty in this day and age though? I'd like to think so.

Sainsbury's Christmas Advert Christmas Advert

A bloated and charmless Looney Tunes sketch on a bazillion-quid budget that can't help but feel artificial and antiseptic. Bad CGI, worse characterisation and just a cynical Pixar-lite blancmange of schmaltz right in the face, hiding behind a veil of charity. Absolutely horrible.

Tesco Christmas Advert Christmas Advert

In wich Jay from Inbetweeners tries to chat up a lady probably described in the pitch as a 40-year-old scorcher. Not sure it's wise of Tesco to openly reference MILFs, but there you are. I'd like to image the young lad in question later describing to his mates how he did her in the gob, then the fanny, then the gob again.

TK Maxx Christmas Advert

A nice sentiment, but if you were to give random strangers a Christmas present from TK Maxx I'd expect nothing less than a restraining order in return.

Toys R Us Christmas Advert

Toys R US had a sort of nervous breakdown a few years ago when it ditched its familiar 'there's a magical place...' adverts for a yankified rap, perhaps the greatest act of self-sabotage in marketing history. This one is also unlovely, but at least it makes sense.

Very.co.uk Christmas Advert

One of those videos where a different soundtrack - one suggesting something ominous and terrible was at hand - would completely change the nature of this advert. Just imagine when they get there, the little boxes smash people's heads to death. Still, it's innocuous enough.

Waitrose Christmas Advert

A nicely-shot 60 seconds of the kind of Christmas simply unimaginable for 90 per cent of the people in the country.

Vote for your favourite Christmas advert


• Refresh your memories of the best and worst Christmas adverts – sob pitifully at advertising or enrage yourself to vein-throbbing standards – of previous years

Best and Worst Xmas Ads of 2014

Best and Worst Xmas Ads of 2013

Best and Worst Xmas Ads of 2012

Best and Worst Xmas Ads of 2011

4Jan/154

The Worst Advert of 2014: Results

Well, well, well.

It seems that many people, rather than being touched by Sainsburys' advert about the Christmas Truce, thought it was the worst advert of the year. I've explained previously why I thought so when it originally came out and in the end-of-the-year round-up, so I'm not going to repeat myself.

Suffice to say, I do hope this misadventure is the last we see of appalling moments in history being used to flog goods. And to anyone who wants to take this up with me, I offer the following question: In what way would it be worse to use 9/11 as a backdrop for advertising a supermarket in a similar idiom?

Of the other top three competing to be named worst advert of 2014, I was surprised but heartened to see Gladstone Brookes ranking highly. This aggravating, openly aggressive and hideously ubiquitous advert was like an aggressive fungus spreading across television screens in 2014. The product they were advertising? Charging you a wedge for the sake of sending out a templated letter.

ihu

There's something offensive in a vaguely Dickensian way about that and while I'm sure their terrible advert played a part, I think the number of votes indicates that readers felt similarly about Gladstone Brookes' business methods.

Hive rounds off the top three and was winning this poll for a fortnight or so. There was no more aggravating noise in 2014 than this ghastly, twee, try-hard ditty that sounds like it was sung in a shed by a man wearing a stupid pom-pom hat, drinking cloudy cider and thinks Ed Sheeran is the last word in cool music. From everyone in the world, Hive, I beg you to fuck right off.


The rest of the poll


I loved how Wonga spectacularly imploded this year, with their ads disappearing from screens as the company underwent a lengthly self-flagellation, execs were defenestrated and they admitted they'd lent money to people who wouldn't be able to repay their loans in a million years. This was particularly satisfying as Wonga have made a habit of popping up on this blog over the years to complain that I've misrepresented them.

Picture 1

My big problem with the actual adverts is that they turn the serious business of borrowing money into some insane, infantilised pantomime - it's a smoking gun, as far as I'm concerned, as to Wonga's real market and in pulling these ads, they've admitted as much.

Hotels4U, another ad that simply vanished as quickly as it appeared, is the only advert I've ever seen that made me fear for the safety of the actors it featured. Their Twitter account reads: "If you love #hotels & high quality television adverts then you've come to the right place!".

While not in any way offensive or annoying, the Co-Op advert smacked of a company that simply doesn't know what it's about anymore. The fact that an agency made this ad and the client signed it off is, frankly, a disastrous mistake by everyone concerned.

Will this be the year that Andrex stops trying to sell us their wet wipes? I don't know, but I do hope it's the year they stop telling us that they're safe to flush. Especially as there's a full ad campaign by water companies specifically designed to refute this claim. Where next for this lengthy campaign which seems determined to make us discuss faeces?

Picture 2

I'm not sure there's much less to say about the remainder, other than how appallig they are. What I can guarantee is this: CompareTheMarket isn't going anywhere, despite being the most overstayed welcome since Julian Assange at the Ecuadorian embassy; Sky Sports will continue to pretend that football matter, when it doesn't fucking matter one bit; Apple will continue to be smug; beards will continue to be appropriated by fuckwits; cheese strings will remain vile in every respect and that we will never escape The Redknapps.

Happy New Year.


Others

There were plenty of votes for other adverts readers hated, including lots (excluded here) that simply aaid 'all of them'.

Mostly good choices on the whole, though I can't agree with the Singing Toys advert. Even though I couldn't tell you what it was advertising if I had a gun to my head, it was one of the best of the year for my money. I actually wrote to the makers of the ad to see if they'd let me have the wonky owl, but they never replied to me.

Natwest - 3 votes
Gala Bingo - 3 votes
Paddy Power - 2 votes
Singing toys - 2 votes
Oak Furniture Land - 1 vote
Carphone Warehouse - 1 vote
Sensodyne Toothpaste - 1 vote
Paypal - 2 votes
Bet 365 - 1 vote
Cadbury Xmas - 1 vote
Coral Windows Radio Advert - 1 vote
Vistaprint - 1 vote
John Lewis - 1 vote
Chloe Perfume - 1 vote
Argos - 1 vote
Go Compare - 1 vote
Vanarama - 1 vote
Famous Grouse - 1 vote
First4Lawyers - 1 vote
MyMate - 1 vote
Renault Zoe - 1 vote

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