What a strange time for awful adverts. I can only assume it’s something to do with the Conservative government. March doesn’t just herald the arrival of adverts that are truly appalling – the sort that you only have to see once to recognise its hideousness – in the shape of the Admiral advert, but enduring efforts such as the Just Eat advert, Go Compare advert and Big Bad Wolf Moneysupermarket ad – or even commercials back from the dead, such as the M&Ms ‘I could really use a snack’ advert, arse-wipe Andrex effort and Travelodge muppets spot.
All are currently making people hurl their remote controls, pets or even spouses across the room in the vague direction of the television. An ad break that featured all of the ads mentioned above might just lead to the sort of outbreak of spontaneous mass violence that JG Ballard would have written off as too horrible to contemplate.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a confluence of truly terrible adverts. As a result I’ve been forced into a kind of mini Worst Advert of the Year poll, a bit like an Treasury Autumn Statement. Choose your most hated ad with care – you only get one vote. I understand that’s a bit like having Piers Morgan, Michael Gove and Louise Mensch in the same room and only being able to throw rotten tomatoes at one of them, but there you go.
If you must – and you can bear to put yourself through it – you can remind yourself of the horror of it all below. Just be warned – watching all of them in one go could turn you into hermit crabs.
A hideous confluence of sickly kid cutesiness and someone asking you how you feel when you wipe your arse.
More omnipresent than Olivia Coleman and more awful than The One Show.
Containing the most hideous phrase you can possibly see on television right now, apart from anything that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth: “I could really use a snack.”
The Just Eat advert is less of an earworm and more of an earparasite. Don’t expect to be free of it any time soon.
Jim Henson’s gift to the world, hijacked in this unlovely evocation of business-trip misery.
Frankly a misfire that is astonishing even for advertising. The Admiral advert is an absolute horrorshow of what happens when something goes wrong and no-one can stop it happening.
Go Compare advert
It’s clear now that we will never be free of Gio Compario – just like you’re never really free of sensitive skin, bad knees or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.