Marks and Spencer’s latest horrifying middle-class smugathon

There’s clearly an idea that the nation loves these M&S adverts, with its parade of unloveable celebrities, including celebrity stick insect charisma-vacuums Danni Minogue and Twiggy.

Latest among these national treasures is pasty-faced comedian Peter Kay, a man who – anecdotally – is a fairly nasty piece of work. Kay’s shtick, like many over-exposed comedians of the last decade, is deeply tiresome by now too; it’s generally a sign that someone is at least three quarters over a shark if they’re appearing in these deeply-dreary ads.

Kay appears, hilariously, doing a dance routine where he is replaced by a thin, athletic stunt double. Do you see? In an ice-skating section he glides, grinning, towards the screen like a psychotic balloon. It’s quite alarming.

Later on he does some vogueing with Twiggy, while dressed as a gay Orson Welles; and he also appears as a gay dance instructor. Swiftian.

There’s also some of the worst examples of what’s become the most wretched meme in advertising; namely women stalking, en masse, towards the camera as if they’re some kind of sassy, post-feminist zombies lusting for 100-per-cent woollen scarves or coconut body lotion.

Girls pretending to be pop stars in their bedrooms – kooky! – and sexy chicks in lingerie – cheeky! – and kids running amok in school – cutesy! Oh, and Jamie Fucking Redknapp is in it, apparently.

This is what our Christmas has become. May Santa forgive us.