This M+Ms advert is hideous. Let me count the ways.
“I could really do with a snack?” The kind of person who would essay this sort of insolent, brattish demand needs to put across the lap of a Canadian lumberjack and spanked really hard. Not in a playful, sexual way, but in the way that a a fictional little Fauntleroy would have been whammed by a governess in a patrician Victorian children’s novel, to the great delight of everyone concerned. Until tears squeeze out of the corners of the eyes and wrenched yelps of pain leak from the mouth.
The craven acceptance of this hideous command also deserves some sort of physical correction.
But, perhaps worst of all, are these hideous Monsters Inc animated analogues with the shit-eating Pixar-cum-Disney accents and shtick. Let me put this out there – barring Toy Story all of these modern animations are fucking shit. Shrek, Monsters Inc, The Incredibles, Cars, Finding Nemo. They’re all total shit and if you disagree with me you’re an idiot.
All of these films have the same underdog hero, voiced by Billy Crystal or someone who sounds like him. They have a big dumb, lovable idiot. They have someone who’s doing an impression of Joe Pesci – he’s all mouth and no trousers, but he’s lovable too. And a fit woman voiced by an number of interchangeable hotties approaching their 40s. They’re all the same, with naff little parables on friendship, love and morals with their boilerplate characters, predictable plots and genuinely awful voices.
As a photocopy of a hazy JPEG of that template, this M+Ms advert amounts to a pale imitation of a small mound of shit. I’d smash the little bastard’s sugary carapace in with a hammer if he were lurking in my cupboard chucking my food about, before scooping his guts out with a blunt spoon.
Having said that, the one shining light in this advert is the ‘what happened next’ moment, where the little chocolatey twat is hopefully thrust into a pan of boiling water or chucked into the top ‘fast freeze’ draw for a slightly less cruel method of euthanasia, just prior to being shattered into a million pieces with a toffee hammer.
One last thing. I’ve got news for you – Smarties kick the arse of M+Ms.