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26Apr/108

Cheeky Volvic: The Volvic 14-Day Challenge

Mineral water company Volvic wants you to think that by spending lots of money on something that's available for free from a fucking tap, this will somehow make you a better person. The worst thing about its 14-day challenge advert is floppy-haired dickhead, "Jimmy", who attempts to persuade you of this.

"I've got to drink a litre and a half a day for 14 days," he whines. No, you haven't. Actually, you really haven't got to, have you? You could drink a different brand of overpriced, environmentally unsound mineral water. Or you could go to the tap. Or you could drink orange juice. Or elk blood.

"So I've got five minutes off work, and, er yeah, I'm gonna have a little cheeky Volvic," he half-heartedly drawls. Bullshit! "Cheeky Volvic"? What the hell are you talking about?

Each one of these segments, you'll notice, is presented with the Volvic challenger supposedly twiddling with the camera and running away to say his little piece, like it's a video diary. It isn't though, obviously. It's actually, you know, an advert.

Finally, we see Jimmy wearing a baseball glove and idiotic fitness clothes (including un-ironic headband), sort of galloping away to the right like a gay horse, having regained his sporting prowess. What an absolute bellend. I thought Evian's dancing babies were bad but I am now resolute that I will literally never buy Volvic ever again.

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