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26Apr/108

Cheeky Volvic: The Volvic 14-Day Challenge

Mineral water company Volvic wants you to think that by spending lots of money on something that's available for free from a fucking tap, this will somehow make you a better person. The worst thing about its 14-day challenge advert is floppy-haired dickhead, "Jimmy", who attempts to persuade you of this.

"I've got to drink a litre and a half a day for 14 days," he whines. No, you haven't. Actually, you really haven't got to, have you? You could drink a different brand of overpriced, environmentally unsound mineral water. Or you could go to the tap. Or you could drink orange juice. Or elk blood.

"So I've got five minutes off work, and, er yeah, I'm gonna have a little cheeky Volvic," he half-heartedly drawls. Bullshit! "Cheeky Volvic"? What the hell are you talking about?

Each one of these segments, you'll notice, is presented with the Volvic challenger supposedly twiddling with the camera and running away to say his little piece, like it's a video diary. It isn't though, obviously. It's actually, you know, an advert.

Finally, we see Jimmy wearing a baseball glove and idiotic fitness clothes (including un-ironic headband), sort of galloping away to the right like a gay horse, having regained his sporting prowess. What an absolute bellend. I thought Evian's dancing babies were bad but I am now resolute that I will literally never buy Volvic ever again.

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  • ‘Michael’

    I went to school with Jimmy. That’s his real name, and more or less real personality.

  • simon gregg

    is there anyone out there who associates volcanoes with hydration. i would have thought the opposite was true. just another instance of ad company bullshit. (which, ironically, is probably more hydrating than volcanoes.

  • keelah

    Lol ur a legend! Wen I saw the cheeky volvic I thought EXACTLY the same thing…dickhead! ‘Cheeky volvic!’ Dnt make me slap me! Tryna make out that its some type of guilty pleasure SHUTTUP! Its effin water ur bodies made of it so plz gimme a BREAK!

  • Matt T

    I hope Jimmy is aware that he has a legal right to drinking water at work…the twat.

    I find this marketing ploy of making it a ‘challenge’. Quitting smoking or a long running smack habbit is a challenge, but continuing to drink water (aka. staying alive)?

    Jimmy is supposed to be someone we want to be, as we sit infront of our television drinking coke, we see Jimmy with his job, his sports, his friends…hell, I want a peice of that! Gimmie some fucking Volvic, I want to be like Jimmy too!

    It strikes me as an advert we’ll see in 10 years time on some ‘Before They Were Famous’ programme, when Jimmy becomes the next irritating Ken Fucking Dodd.

  • Robin Brown

    I like the way there’s no real attempt to pretend it will make you any healthier, just the nonsensical claim that it delivers’ ‘deep volcanic hydration’.

  • And now I come to think of it, he desperately holds on to the Volvic as a way of making himself ‘feel better’.

    Oh Jimmy, it’s going to take more than some water to do that.

  • I feel sorry for Jimmy.

    Imagine your life being so empty that you feel the need to video yourself drinking water.

    When he minces away at the end shouting to ‘the boys’ I bet there isn’t anyone there, just an empty playing field as Jimmy plays catch with himself

  • zedzero

    pfff. volcanic hydration indeed. arseholes.

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