October Keywords: Fuck off I’m not talking to rice Uncle Ben

uncle-benAnother month, another deluge of funny, weird, sexy and scary keywords that AdTurds readers have been typing into their search engines.

The one in the title – Fuck off I’m not talking to rice Uncle Ben – tickled me, but the following one also elicited a giggle too:

does the vw advert really say wouldn’t it be nice if we were rover?

It isn’t, of course, but the idea of it amused me. I doubt if any car manufacturer in the last 20 years would envy Rover, but the notion of VW putting subliminal messages into its ads, such peculiar ones at that, is an intriguing one.

Elsewhere the guy on the far left of the Halifax choir is upsetting readers – several readers have been upset by him. I’ve not seen him yet, but I imagine there’s already a Facebook page that exists simply to disparage him. He’ll probably be making an appearance on here soon, as I suspect I’m going to loathe Halifax’s new ads even more than the old ones in the long run.

Paul Whitehouse, Stephen Merchant, Cheryl Baker and Louise Rednknapp were in the firing line this month – I particularly liked ‘freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot’ though.

Brands-wise it’s all about Halifax, Barclays, Go Compare, Confused.com, Wonga, Haribo, Colmans, Gillette and Eurostar to name a few.

Already the shortlist for the worst adverts of 2011 article is forming. And what a shitty shortlist it’s shaping up to be.

AdTurds October 2011 keywords

oh the hatred i feel for the halifax adverts cannot be put into words – 11 separate instances. I find this hard to believe, but surely Google can’t be wrong? According to the Big G 11 different people typed this phrase into their search engine and navigated here

go compare “fuck off” – 9 separate instances

confused.com fat black woman – 8 separate instances

stephen merchant is a c*nt – 4 separate instances

anyone else hate that guy in the loreal commercial? – 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid – 3 separate instances

fuck off halifax you c*nts! – 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid – 3 separate instances, see more on the stupid dad meme

gillette fusion proglide challenge guy is a twat – 3 separate instances

stephen merchant what a fuckin wanker – 3 separate instances

colmans advert disgusting cow – 2 separate instances

fuck off i’m not talking to rice uncle ben

what is the new muller advert about? – not yoghurt, I don’t think

“patula” kid can fuck off

…… the confused.com woman keeps pulling stuff out her vadge! seriously.

advert where woman leaves her poop on the table – genuinely don’t know what this ad is – anyone?

adverts with bums

adverts with gordon brown

are the 2 girls in the maltesers ad with boyfriends asleep sisters?

are the haribo family a real family

bmw she’s a cunt commercial – sounds like a bold new ad strategy for BMW

bt advert – where is the bt womans baby? – good question

can i fuck danni minogue for cash?

chummy mums love fucking

colmans new advert gravy creepy
colmans gravy advert needs to fucking stop
colmans advert for beef gravy is horrible

confused.com advert aimed at homosexuals

creepy wonga adverts

do gay people object to the malteasers ad

does anyone else refuse to use go compare simply because they hate the adverts?

does anyone hate the fat fucker from the jacamo advert?

does the vw advert really say wouldn’t it be nice if we were rover?

freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot

gillette fusion commercial voice over fuck buddy

girl shitting herself outside the palace in halifax

guy on the far left of halifax ad
halifax advert choir bottom left man annoying
halifax advert stupid bloke in choir

halifax adverts make me sick
halifax choir cunts

horrible awful weird money supermarket tv ad gorilla terrible

i hate the new coffee advert don’t want to see people fucking on my tv

ive shagged cheryl baker

martine mccutcheons huge fat bum

mignon morceaux phileas fogg m&s – I remember these fried snacks fondly

muller advert what the fuck?

paul masson maaaaaa

pepsi twist lime urinating analysis – great ad

professional women has a poop accident in her panties

sky broadband is fucking shit crap bullshit stupid

tesco people who are ugly

throwing poo acid advert uk – I refuse to believe there’s such an advert

torture tory bing commercial – ditto

volkswagen advert hitler think blue

what advert had a wig attacking people – dunno but I want to see it

what the hell is happening in the new muller advert

who are the 3 men in the eurostar advert – advert win!
who are the tossers in eurostar advert
eurostar ad with jarvis cocker, who are the other two?

who does horrible wouldn’t it be nice cover on volkswagon advert

who is rod rammage?

who is that silly woman in the iceland ads?

who is the fat thing go compare

why cadbury caramel is better than cadbury crunchie

wispa death pussy images

August 2011 Keywords: Haribo Advert Torture

haribo advert

Haribo advert torture?

Is someone suggesting that the Haribo adverts amount to torture? That they could be used in Guantanamo to drive lads from Bolton into admitting they once went to Pakistan? Or is the reader in question suggesting they’d like to torture the people responsible for the advert? The latter seems likely, given that someone in the ‘Suggest an AdTurd’ section wanted to push the sweets in question up the anuses of the actors involved ‘until they explode’.

Trends this month – alongside Haribo of course – showed no slowing in hatred for Go Compare, Confused.com, Gillette and Head & Shoulders.

New entries included the Toyota Yaris advert and dear old Freddie and Adam – two brothers destined to be loathed forever by 400,00 people for their truly abysmal advert for the BMW 1 Series.

This month I was amused by the following couplet:

how stupid is louise rednapp
how thick is jamie redknapp

Not so stupid or thick that they aren’t raking it in all over your TV at any given time of the day, sadly.

Meanwhile, who voices the dog in the Walls adverts? I don’t know. A dog? What is a commer corn on the cob? I’ve been led to believe it’s actually a combo piri-piri, though I’m still none the wiser to be honest.

‘You’re doing it wrong!’ entries include such delights as ‘compare your shit.com’; ‘dirty adverts for shit sniffers’; ‘fat girl shagged at butlins’; ‘i have embezzled from charity i work for’ and, bafflingly, ‘based on a sample of 200 customers, flora found that 48% preferred flora buttery. calculate a confidence interval for the true proportion who prefer flora.’ Is that an exam question?

Targets of AdTurds readers’ dubious affections include Carey Mulligan, Louise Redknapp, Cheryl Baker and Martine McCutcheon (‘i would fuck martine mccutcheon up the arse’).

Meanwhile no-one seems to know if the Bulmers Plan B advert is a fake. A fake what, exactly? I’ve no idea, but I do know that I hate Plan B.

August 2011 keywords search phrases

gillette pro glide man idiot
who is the wanker on the gillette ad
machine fucking women driver car insurance
based on a sample of 200 customers, flora found that 48% preferred flora buttery. calculate a confidence interval for the true proportion who prefer flora.
emtions expressed while watching john lewis advert
is the voice from the gillette fusion proglider commercial the same voice from the transformer movie?
why do the people on the confused .com advert have big tits
“fuck off bt family”
“hanging out the back of it”
bap cocks
bbc cooking website suggests that muslims celebrate the end of ramadan with a nice pork vindaloo
bmw annoying advert freddie
bmw brothers advert cunts
bmw brothers annoying advert
bmw twats advert
boots commercials make women look stupid
boris johnson buggering a heron – that’s one of mine
cadbury “brown bunny” racist
cadbury chocolate still tastes like crap july 2011
chicken in a biscuit advertisement bouncing boobs
compare your shit .com
confused.com advert nude
confused.com advert why boobs jiggle so much?
direct line advert who is the cock
dirty ad verts for shit sniffers
does paul whitehouse tap dance
extremely annoying haribo advert
facking vagina cream
fat girl shagged at butlins
freddie adam bmw shit advert
fucking cunting new haribo
fusion pro glide annoying little shit
gadget master toyota yaris what does her phone do?
gio compario is a cunt
go compare adverts how long do we have to put up with them
god only knows ruined by vw
haribo advert pornographic
haribo advert sucks ass
haribo advert torture
harvester advert whats a comma piri piri
harvester what is a commer corn on the cob?
has the confused.com girls tits got bigger?
head and shoulders advert rhyming then not
how longer do we have to put up with the fat prat on go compare adverts
how stupid is louise rednapp
how thick is jamie redknapp
i have embezzled from charity i work for
i would fuck martine mccutcheon up the arse
is the bulmers plan b advert real
the jacamo advert looks chavvy
the new haribo advert is the worst thing ever
vol-u-vents left they’re ours paul merton
where did the saying thank crunchie its friday come from
who are the annoying cunts in bmw advert
who are those twats of the envirofone advert
whos the voice of the dog in the walls advert