AdTurds Bad Averts – Badverts –

15Aug/1120

Harvester advert. Fucking hell

Every time I see this I resolve to run home, knocking over children and old ladies along the way and running over hapless animals as I do my best to get to a computer and give it a good, hard AdTurding before I forget.

But I always do forget, so somewhow this has survived until now. I'm not sure when I first saw it, but it seems like a long time ago. And it's still getting the odd run-out. Oh, Harvester, if you'd only nipped it in the bud at the start of the year, I wouldn't have to do this.

Why. Why on earth has someone decided that:

Help yourself to salad;
... all the salad that you want!

should constitute the opening gambit of a rap about a horrible pub chain that is famously the butt of every stand-up comic's or sitcom writer's joke about shit food?

viz: Felicity Kendal: Oh, you never take me anywhere!
Karl Howman: I took you to that Harvester last week!

Be imaginative for fuck's sake. Rhyme 'gammon' with 'salmon' (would you like some salmon?Yes I'll have it with my gammon!').

Rhyme 'corn cob' with 'gob'. ('Would you like a corn cob? Yes please - shove it in my gob!')

Rhyme 'Harvester' with 'depressing canteen-like grief hovel with cheap overcooked food that leaves you with a strong sense of self-loathing and despair'. Well, you can make up your own there.

What the fuck is a a comma piri-piri, comma peking garlic sauce or a comma... EH? Do these things really exist? Comma? Peking garlic sauce? Hold the corn on the cob? What are you talking about?

This has not gone down well on Youtube, which is like a Mary Bell victoria sponge not going down well at a Women's Institute. Currently the second most popular comment on the full fucking-hell-is-it-really-a-minute-long? version is 'Boycott Harvester'.

It's the only sensible reaction to an advert so ill-conceived it makes Jenson Button's dandruff advert look like Black Narcissus.

NB. There's a 'making of' film featuring interviews with the PR and Marketing bods, director and a fucking food stylist. Filmed in Staines. Fuck.

PPS. Here's an utterly dreadful ad for Harvester from yonks back. Funnily enough I quite like this one though. At least it knows it's shit - like Terry and June or something.

PPPS. And here's another that suggests that you'll love Harvester because it's just like your home (what's the point of that then?) and then goes on to show a grotesque pair of Worzel Gummidge and Aunt Sally mannequins that will have your little ones weeing their bottomless Cokes into their beds for the next month. Weird. But I like this one too.

  • help-plz

    you cunt. Another cunt with a blog! I bet you work a shit job and you have to cunt it up on the Internet to let off steam.

    • What does that make you? If your thing is to go on blogs and spout a load of tiresome abuse you need to at least make sure you’re good at it. You’re not; you’ve got the ‘banter’ of a man who buys Nuts and thinks Russell Howard is ‘quality’. And you probably use words like banter in all seriousness, like this: “Russell Howard. Fucking quality. Banter, Quality banter. Wanking my small cock off to Nuts. Quality.” Now fuck off.

  • help-plz

    you cunt. Another cunt with a blog! I bet you work a shit job and you have to cunt it up on the Internet to let off steam.

    • What does that make you, you useless waste of sputum? If you’re thing is to go on blogs and spout a load of tiresome abuse you need to at least make sure you’re good at it. You’re not; you’ve got the ‘banter’ of a man who buys Nuts and thinks Russell Howard is ‘quality’. And you probably use words like banter in all seriousness, like this: “Russell Howard. Fucking quality. Banter, Quality banter. Wanking my small cock off to Nuts. Quality.” Now fuck off.

  • James Hayward

    harvester are nice, but i agree that the new ad is poor because it doesnt echo the farmhouse atmosphere of 90% of harvesters open today which were opened by forte or courage [who knew how to run pubs/restaurants, belive me….]

  • James Hayward

    harvester are nice, but i agree that the new ad is poor because it doesnt echo the farmhouse atmosphere of 90% of harvesters open today which were opened by forte or courage [who knew how to run pubs/restaurants, belive me….]

  • Fascinated to see that Harvester’s cucumber is hand crafted, slice by slice, with a chef’s knife & not the product of an industrial slicing machine.

    Cabbage & peppers for their unlimited-eat salad bar are shredded individually in each kitchen with a knife & not brought on site pre-sliced in industrial sacks.

    Even their salad sauces are hand made by chefs with domestic balloon whisks in tiny little bowls, with fresh ground pepper added from a little wooden grinders. You’d have thought sauces previously that Harvester sauces would arrive from factories premixed in huge plastic buckets.

    That guy with the bionic wrists trying to keep up with re-supplying the buffet with 5 salad sauces with just a hand whisk must need start whisking a new bowl every minute most of the day. A heroic task as they need to be the thickness of toothpaste before he can serve them.

    But adverts never lie, so it must be true. If not their advert would be immediately banned for misleading customers & Harvester would be fined.

  • Fascinated to see that Harvester’s cucumber is hand crafted, slice by slice, with a chef’s knife & not the product of an industrial slicing machine.

    Cabbage & peppers for their unlimited-eat salad bar are shredded individually in each kitchen with a knife & not brought on site pre-sliced in industrial sacks.

    Even their salad sauces are hand made by chefs with domestic balloon whisks in tiny little bowls, with fresh ground pepper added from a little wooden grinders. You’d have thought sauces previously that Harvester sauces would arrive from factories premixed in huge plastic buckets.

    That guy with the bionic wrists trying to keep up with re-supplying the buffet with 5 salad sauces with just a hand whisk must need start whisking a new bowl every minute most of the day. A heroic task as they need to be the thickness of toothpaste before he can serve them.

    But adverts never lie, so it must be true. If not their advert would be immediately banned for misleading customers & Harvester would be fined.

  • Pingback: The worst adverts of 2011 | AdTurds - Adverts That Are Shit()

  • Maxie19699

    They really have  missed the mark with this ad, I’m amazed at how many people hate it to the point  of writing about it on the net. Drawing board anyone? LOL

  • Maxie19699

    They really have  missed the mark with this ad, I’m amazed at how many people hate it to the point  of writing about it on the net. Drawing board anyone? LOL

  • Maxie19699

    I hate the ad too but it’s not comma piri piri, it’s ‘combo’ and she doesn’t say Peking garlic sauce, she say’s ‘kickin garlic sauce’

  • Maxie19699

    I hate the ad too but it’s not comma piri piri, it’s ‘combo’ and she doesn’t say Peking garlic sauce, she say’s ‘kickin garlic sauce’

  • Is she rapping the punctuation that’s written on the order? In which case, why doesn’t she conclude with a cheery ‘full stop!’ rather than ‘okay?’.

  • Is she rapping the punctuation that’s written on the order? In which case, why doesn’t she conclude with a cheery ‘full stop!’ rather than ‘okay?’.

  • @shitabiscuit

    Oh my god! SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A COMMA PIRI IS?! I’ve been wondering that since the last ad! It makes me feel better knowing that somewhere on the internet, these shit adverts are getting what they deserve. Harvester adverts make me feel really uncomfortable, the corn on the cob girl makes me cringe so much I actually have to change channel when she starts reading the specials to that table of nodding dogs.

    • Lard2010

      ‘Combo’.

  • @shitabiscuit

    Oh my god! SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A COMMA PIRI IS?! I’ve been wondering that since the last ad! It makes me feel better knowing that somewhere on the internet, these shit adverts are getting what they deserve. Harvester adverts make me feel really uncomfortable, the corn on the cob girl makes me cringe so much I actually have to change channel when she starts reading the specials to that table of nodding dogs.

    • Lard2010

      ‘Combo’.

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