AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

29Feb/1241

The Worst TV Adverts Ever

AdTurds was three recently, so I thought I'd better mark the occasion. I thought about mocking up an award of an actual turd - yer genuine Dirty Fido - and sticking it on a plinth, then going to the headquarters of not just the creative agencies, but the companies in question and presenting them there with a gong for making the worst TV adverts ever.

Then I realised I didn't have the time, money, inclination or Channel 4 camera crew - to follow me around filming me failing to gain access to even the lift of those outfits before being ejected by security - to make such an endeavour worthwhile.

worst tv adverts ever

So I created an overview of the worst tv adverts that have been on the television since AdTurds hit the web. The ones that infuriate me; the ones I think are kinda despicable; the ones I simply think are total shit.

These are they. Feel free to add any you think I've missed. But they must be the absolute nadir. The ones that have you reaching for the remote, for ear plugs, for that loaded Smith and Wesson you just know is in your desk upstairs, next to the half-empty bottle of scotch...

The worst tv adverts ever

Confused.com

The motherload. A series of adverts pulling every trick out of the bag - including what appears to be sexual molestation in its most recent ad - to make you sad, angry or possibly even dead.

The CIA used to blast horrible noises - rabbits being tortured and the like - at South American socialists; understanding that hideous, repetitive noises can be useful in driving people legitimately out of their minds.

It revived that trick when torturing Guantanamo detainees, using a mindless nursery rhyme to send prisoners round the bend until they started babbling a load of made-up nonsense just to make it stop.

That's what Confused.com does with its adverts. Only there is no end to it. If you use their service the adverts do not stop. Imagine being tortured. Imagine that, in an effort to make the torture stop you complied with the wishes of those inflicting pain on you. And then imagine that they keep torturing you anyway.

That's what Confused.com does with its adverts. They may be non-lethal weapons. But have you ever taken a Taser hit? They're non-lethal too.

Read the collected Confused.com AdTurds

Worst TV adverts ever

Cillit Bang

The original in the mind-drilling adverts that have exploded over the last ten years. Barry Scott. What a cunt.

Read the original Cillit Bang AdTurds


We Buy Any Car

Needless to say, this is an advert on a parallel with a binbag full of festering food remains and cat litter tray content bursting all over your freshly hoovered and washed kitchen floor. Then you fall over in the shit, get some in your eyes and mouth; stand up; slip on it again; bash your head on the corner of a work surface and die.

It's all of that. But I think it's how awful WeBuyAnyCar is in other respects that elevates it so:

Knowledge is power.

Read the original WeBuyAnyCar AdTurd


Duffy Coke ad

An advert so ill-conceived, so smug, so meaningless and so utterly dire that it killed Duffy's career stone dead.

In fact it was so bad that the fallout also killed Keith Duffy's career stone dead - and he had nothing to do with it.

Read the original Duffy Coke AdTurd


Haribo

Try-hard stupidity tooth-rot misadventure.

Read the original Haribo AdTurd and the post on Haribo winning the public vote to be crowned worst advert of 2011.


BMW

BMW has a little bit of a brand problem - the public think they're cars bought by dicks. And while that may not be true it's not something you want to court. Why, then, show off two people who seem photo-fit descriptions of the word 'dick', smugging on about their brilliant lives?

A quite astonishing brand misfire.

Read the original BMW Lunds AdTurd


Iceland

Bad for a long, long time now - but who was your least favourite front person? Katona? Biggins? Donovan? Or Stacey Solomabs (as she's know by several AdTurds readers)?

For me Donovan was the front-man for the most offensive of the lot - an insane trip-fuelled odyssey through a nightmarish Lynchian world that provided an insight into what it might be like to experience a particularly vicious acid-induced mania. Genuinely hellish.

Read the original Iceland / Donovan AdTurd


BT

Kris Marshall never seemed a particularly charming feller to me - before the BT adverts he was chiefly known as a man who played an absolute bell-end in vile sitcom My Family. So, what better person to front your new, decades-long TV ad campaign?

Not only is the unlovely Marshall fronting these ads - he's pitched into a baffling, awkward step-family situation that someone at an ad agency obviously thought would be a neat reaction to the decline of the nuclear family. The end result is an advert that even nuns despise.

Read the original BT AdTurd


Wonga.com

This is another company that I have a beef with, for what it does as well as how awful its adverts are. Hyper superannuated LOL! puppets playing techno and saying stupid things go some way to highlighting Wonga's target demographic.

Depressing all round.

Read the original Wonga.com AdTurd


British Airways

Fuck off you knob-ends.

Read the original British Airways AdTurds


Gillette

Has anyone, anywhere ever welcomed someone noisily and aggressively interrupting a quiet moment that requires some level of concentration? The shock itself of a sudden loud noise, coupled with a group of people rushing towards you is enough to drive one to unthinking violence. But then it gets far worse - a little turd starts patronising you about your grooming rituals.

I'd like to see other private moments interrupted in this way in adverts. Perhaps someone on the bog, cracking one out in a shower - or balls deep in the missus perhaps?

"Woo! Hello buddy - how's your sex? Have you heard of Yorkshire Tea?"

Read the original Gillette Proglide AdTurd


Barclays

It might be because Barclays spends so much time on making its rich clients even richer by locating arcane and unlikely tax loopholes that mean these people - people who have so much cash they literally shit it - can avoid paying taxes. Taxes spent on things like, oh, the NHS, schools and Portcullis House fig trees.

But it could also be these adverts, voiced by Stephen Merchant, that have been making people groan with the sort of nausea one associates with a migraine. The unwelcome, undeserved smugness of someone who doesn't know everyone hates them - precisely for being smug.

Read the original Barclays / Merchant AdTurd


Safestyle

The mullet, the shouting, the grin. Someone is going to Hell for this - with any luck the bloke in the adverts. Truly one of the worst tv adverts ever.

Read the original Safestyle AdTurd


VanCompare

Cut almost from the same cloth is VanCompare's pitiful effort from a couple of years ago - the original write-up of which resulted in a torrent of hilarious abuse from idiot Sweet fans.

I made it up with VanCompare's CEO in the end - but this effort featuring The Sweet's Andy Scott remains possibly the most inept advert to grace TV screens for some decades.

Read the original VanCompare AdTurd


Halifax

Halifax has been annoying you for at least ten years now, first with its idiotic staff karaoke, then with its quite hideous radio station series.

Halifax has dialled it back to a mere ten from that high point, but its choir adverts remain a thorn in the side of any sane TV viewers.

NB. This advert - of all the adverts on this site - is the one most frequently associated with the word 'kill' in comments and search queries.

Read the original Halifax Isa Isa Baby AdTurd


Boots

In the same way that air-raid sirens once signalled imminent disaster, the rat-a-tat-tat beat of Here Come The Girls now heralds one of the most debilitating series of adverts to ever grace television. Stick on a tin hat, head down to the Anderson shelter and await faceless death from above.

Watch the original Boots AdTurd


Littlewoods

Killing Santa and replacing him with a credit card. Genuinely nasty.

Now give me your worst tv adverts ever

Vote below for your worst tv adverts ever below.

  • John Luvaro

    Not included on list but my top 2 contenders for WORST TV
    commercials.

    NOTHING tops these 2 Turds for obnoxious, annoying disasters.

    1: “I’m Living
    the Life of Dreams”. Not even sure
    what this turd of a commercial was attempting to sell. But after just 1 viewing I wanted to shoot
    the producer & everyone involved
    with it.

    2: “V I
    Poo”. Can’t decide if this one or
    “I’m Living the Life of Dreams”
    deserves the #1 spot.

    But “P I Poo”, which advertises shit deodorant, IS
    what it attempts to describe: SHIT!

  • Pingback: 2015 Advertising Keywords: Sick Inside |AdTurds()

  • Bronwyn Johnston

    Definitely the worst as at the moment is WARNERS – who on God’s earth thought that woman could sing????? Followed closely by the boring, boring PRONAMEL and other dental adverts.

  • Bronwyn Johnston

    Definitely the worst as at the moment is WARNERS – who on God’s earth thought that woman could sing????? Followed closely by the boring, boring PRONAMEL and other dental adverts.

  • Darren James

    Foxy bingo is without doubt the most cringewororthy advertising campaign ive ever seen..a bus full of stereotypes mixing with “the opposite kind” is not only teeth grinding, its the equivalent of hitler wearing a kkk t shirt while addressing his nation on a new beginning of peace and harmony circa 1939..yes that bad. ..

  • Darren James

    Foxy bingo is without doubt the most cringewororthy advertising campaign ive ever seen..a bus full of stereotypes mixing with “the opposite kind” is not only teeth grinding, its the equivalent of hitler wearing a kkk t shirt while addressing his nation on a new beginning of peace and harmony circa 1939..yes that bad. ..

  • Tee

    Cilit bang “bang! and the dirt is gone” no no, it’s “bang! and my life is gone. I’ve just been shot in the head by barry”

  • Tee

    Cilit bang “bang! and the dirt is gone” no no, it’s “bang! and my life is gone. I’ve just been shot in the head by barry”

  • Ralph

    The Go Compare and Meerkat adverts are OK by me but I never want to hear YMCA again after Confused have finished with it,that tone that tells you it’s coming at the start makes me jump under the table and cover my ears,especially if it was that terrible gabbling man going on instead of the ones with the girl singing.

    I despise on principle QuickQuid and Wonga and anything that tries to persuade stupid,gullible or vulnerable people to take on ever more debt. My biggest hate though is Parky flogging the Over-50 vulture plans…oh Parky why do you do it?

    I’ve said before I’d like to invite Al Qaeda to bomb the Halifax radio station,especially the Ice Ice baby one. And anything that uses scare tactics or encourages hypochondria to sell something,such as the Dettol your bog seat’s got less germs than your chopping board one. Well,thanks,but I still kmow which one I’d rather prepare my vegetables on.

  • Ralph

    The Go Compare and Meerkat adverts are OK by me but I never want to hear YMCA again after Confused have finished with it,that tone that tells you it’s coming at the start makes me jump under the table and cover my ears,especially if it was that terrible gabbling man going on instead of the ones with the girl singing.

    I despise on principle QuickQuid and Wonga and anything that tries to persuade stupid,gullible or vulnerable people to take on ever more debt. My biggest hate though is Parky flogging the Over-50 vulture plans…oh Parky why do you do it?

    I’ve said before I’d like to invite Al Qaeda to bomb the Halifax radio station,especially the Ice Ice baby one. And anything that uses scare tactics or encourages hypochondria to sell something,such as the Dettol your bog seat’s got less germs than your chopping board one. Well,thanks,but I still kmow which one I’d rather prepare my vegetables on.

  • Karl

    THE AWFUL SUBWAY ADVERT! “Can’t handle the jalepenos my mouth is sensitive orite” with the awful lisp just a general awful cringy advert

  • Karl

    THE AWFUL SUBWAY ADVERT! “Can’t handle the jalepenos my mouth is sensitive orite” with the awful lisp just a general awful cringy advert

  • Nina

    The Evian ad, including the new one with the T-Shirts. It’s sick and disturbing. Babies are people in the same way that caterpillars are butterflies. 

  • Nina

    The Evian ad, including the new one with the T-Shirts. It’s sick and disturbing. Babies are people in the same way that caterpillars are butterflies. 

  • BeenThere&Doneit

    I hate, hate, hate, any commercial with a hippy drippy music soundtrack, bleached-out colour, pouting self-absorbed boring girls, lots of coloured stuff flying around (balls, rods, flowers, liquid, random shapes), actors with coy smiles as if to say “Hey! I’m not so bad looking after all” and cars that have wistful children in the back seats looking out windows. Jeeze. There’s a lot of turds out there.

  • BeenThere&Doneit

    I hate, hate, hate, any commercial with a hippy drippy music soundtrack, bleached-out colour, pouting self-absorbed boring girls, lots of coloured stuff flying around (balls, rods, flowers, liquid, random shapes), actors with coy smiles as if to say “Hey! I’m not so bad looking after all” and cars that have wistful children in the back seats looking out windows. Jeeze. There’s a lot of turds out there.

  • andrew freeman

    dont forget all the ppi ads

  • andrew freeman

    dont forget all the ppi ads

  • Las9

    Calm down dear, they’re only commercials…  I do agree with some of the annoying adverts but a little less of the four letter word??

    • Er, no that’s not how it works I’m afraid. This is my blog – if I want to swear, I swear. Think of it as therapy.

      And saying ‘calm down dear’, 15 years after Michael Winner first made people squirm with irritation at its use, nearly brought forth a new four-letter outburst.

    • Cornz

      Not so much “Go compare” more “Go away”.
      Dear.

    • Col91R

      Well excuse us if our language doth offend you. But some of these adverts are revolting and truly nauseating, they are designed to be iritating and vile and that’s just what they achieve. So until someone cancels these vomit spewing, suicical crap fests we will use as many four letter words as we want!

    • dad

      fuck you

  • Las9

    Calm down dear, they’re only commercials…  I do agree with some of the annoying adverts but a little less of the four letter word??

    • Er, no that’s not how it works I’m afraid. This is my blog – if I want to swear, I swear. Think of it as therapy.

      And saying ‘calm down dear’, 15 years after Michael Winner first made people squirm with irritation at its use, nearly brought forth a new four-letter outburst.

    • Cornz

      Not so much “Go compare” more “Go away”.
      Dear.

    • Well excuse us if our language doth offend you. But some of these adverts are revolting and truly nauseating, they are designed to be iritating and vile and that’s just what they achieve. So until someone cancels these vomit spewing, suicical crap fests we will use as many four letter words as we want!

    • dad

      fuck you

  • DontHaveACow

    Holy shit – I cringed hard reading that. I hate all of those adverts. And like the person below mentions – the muller ad (the one where the little boy/twat goes ‘BLUEBERRIEEESSSS’ too loud and annoyingly out of tune) I hate that kid. Fully.In.The.Barf.Zone…

  • Holy shit – I cringed hard reading that. I hate all of those adverts. And like the person below mentions – the muller ad (the one where the little boy/twat goes ‘BLUEBERRIEEESSSS’ too loud and annoyingly out of tune) I hate that kid. Fully.In.The.Barf.Zone…

  • Anything that advertises blame and claim solicitors or PPI need the chop pronto or give them their own channel!

  • Anything that advertises blame and claim solicitors or PPI need the chop pronto or give them their own channel!

  • Adammorris56

    Go Compare has to be in there, surely, makes me want to go on a killing spree anyways

  • Adammorris56

    Go Compare has to be in there, surely, makes me want to go on a killing spree anyways

  • Th_Mssngr

    The Head and Shoulders one with Jenson Button should at least have an honourable mention.

  • Anonymous

    The Head and Shoulders one with Jenson Button should at least have an honourable mention.

  • Re the chav mum’s favourite – Iceland… you mean Jason Donovan, not Donovan, everything went all hurdy-gurdy for a moment ’til I realised.

  • Re the chav mum’s favourite – Iceland… you mean Jason Donovan, not Donovan, everything went all hurdy-gurdy for a moment ’til I realised.

  • Alex

    X factor, got to be the x factor one.

  • Alex

    X factor, got to be the x factor one.

  • G-Angel

    That Godawful Muller advert where all the people are singing the Nina Simone song.  If you’re going to get people to sing for you, shouldn’t you make sure they can, yanno, sing?  But at least I now know what taking a cheese grater to my ear canals would feel like.  Obligatory shout for the Go Compare adverts, Wowcher is shite and I really hated that Aviva advert with Paul Whitehouse playing the Scottish ballroom dancer.

  • G-Angel

    That Godawful Muller advert where all the people are singing the Nina Simone song.  If you’re going to get people to sing for you, shouldn’t you make sure they can, yanno, sing?  But at least I now know what taking a cheese grater to my ear canals would feel like.  Obligatory shout for the Go Compare adverts, Wowcher is shite and I really hated that Aviva advert with Paul Whitehouse playing the Scottish ballroom dancer.

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