AdTurds Bad Adverts – Badverts

24Aug/1227

Secret Escapes Advert

This Secret Escapes advert can be summed up thus, by the reactions of my housemate over a few days of seeing this ad, which seems to be on at least four times every ad break:

• Who's she? She is fit. She is beautiful. I bet she's filthy.

• She is a stunner. I think I like the bit in the middle best.

• Oh, I love that girl. Actually she looks nicest when she's lying on the bed.

• Is this advert on again? I still would, mind.

• This advert has been on so much I don't fancy her any more.

secret escapes advert
secret escapes advert
secret escapes advert

So, there you have it. Love at first sight to disinterest within the lifespan of a television advert. That's less impressive than a mayfly's pitiful lifecycle but we should hardly be surprised when something we see a hundred times loses its lustre. Were Boris Johnson to vomits rubies directly into the Queens face it might be the most-watched thing ever. After the 35th time the chances are you wouldn't be quite as impressed. After 100? You wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Will Secret Escapes mind? Of course not. With companies like this who don't offer a product, unique service or anything that isn't easily copied and replicated, the market is crammed with competitors. How do you tell if one is better than another? You don't. The quality of service, the scope of the hotels on offer, the prices available. If there is any difference between them it's impossible to discern. So how else to advertise yourself?

You make yourself unavoidable. You burrow your way into viewer's heads like a parasitic wasp on a spider's back. You make yourself unavoidable, inescapable and you hope people write blogs about you. If you have an attractive, posh girl whispering sweet nothings its can't hurt either. Welcome to the Secret Escapes advert.

Carpet-bombing with a fit girl. Carpet-girl bombing. She's called Camilla Arfwedson if you're interested. And, Camilla, if you're reading I reckon my mate would still be happy to take you out for a date.

  • Bert

    She needs a thick cock up her dirty shitter.

  • Chris

    This adverts bad, but them legs……….

  • Chris

    This adverts bad, but them legs……….

  • john wilson

    the most disturbing advert ever i cant stand its pathetic the way she talks makes me just want to scream please please please do not show this on TV the people that make these adverts must think everyone is stupid please go away and dont come back ever

  • john wilson

    the most disturbing advert ever i cant stand its pathetic the way she talks makes me just want to scream please please please do not show this on TV the people that make these adverts must think everyone is stupid please go away and dont come back ever

  • HugoWango

    Thats it no more!! i need to rant about this fucking whispering bitch.

    FUCK OFF!!!!!!! I actually feel my blood pressure rise at the sound of this fucking women and no she is not hot.

  • HugoWango

    Thats it no more!! i need to rant about this fucking whispering bitch.

    FUCK OFF!!!!!!! I actually feel my blood pressure rise at the sound of this fucking women and no she is not hot.

  • common sense

    The most aggravating advert on tv by far, the gals fit but a geek

  • common sense

    The most aggravating advert on tv by far, the gals fit but a geek

  • IdleMind

    Hang on…..there are 3 actresses in the ad, right? Or am I wrong and it’s just Camilla Arfwedson in all 3 scenarios? Now I’m confused!

  • IdleMind

    Hang on…..there are 3 actresses in the ad, right? Or am I wrong and it’s just Camilla Arfwedson in all 3 scenarios? Now I’m confused!

  • Steph

    sssheee’sss not fit. ssssheeee’ssss ssssssimply a bit possssssh and a lot fucking pretentioussssssss.

    • Steph, Steph. I have never disagreed with you before. But I think she is quite fit. Perhaps more to the point – as you acknowledge – she is clearly posh. And in the general experiences of men (this one certainly and also the chap referenced above) posh means very, very dirty. And I’m afraid that counts for a lot where men are concerned.

      • Steph

        haha, i have often suspected as much. but yeah, rahs are absolute filth.

  • Steph

    sssheee’sss not fit. ssssheeee’ssss ssssssimply a bit possssssh and a lot fucking pretentioussssssss.

    • Robin Brown

      Steph, Steph. I have never disagreed with you before. But I think she is quite fit. Perhaps more to the point – as you acknowledge – she is clearly posh. And in the general experiences of men (this one certainly and also the chap referenced above) very, very dirty. And I’m afraid that counts for a lot where men are concerned.

      • Steph

        haha, i have often suspected as much. but yeah, rahs are absolute filth.

  • mingenits

    intensely irritating. would though.

  • mingenits

    intensely irritating. would though.

  • hookm

    Not to impune the character of the actress involved, but I had thought she was portraying a call girl.

  • hookm

    Not to impune the character of the actress involved, but I had thought she was portraying a call girl.

  • Gimmestrength

    Allowing for the fact that the extreme frequency of this advert is enough to make my blood boil anyway, the thing that really gets me is the high-volume whisper that makes me feel as though I have another stalker. One second I’m minding my own business, innocently watching some claptrap on Channel 4, and the next I get the feeling some psycho is right behind me, leaning over my shoulder and barely an inch from my ear whispering how she wants to plunge a knife into my neck after boiling my pet rat. And all because I was drunk when I got her number and awoke the following morning to remember she looked like greyhound chewing gravel. Still, Camilla Arfwedson’s fit. I would…

  • Gimmestrength

    Allowing for the fact that the extreme frequency of this advert is enough to make my blood boil anyway, the thing that really gets me is the high-volume whisper that makes me feel as though I have another stalker. One second I’m minding my own business, innocently watching some claptrap on Channel 4, and the next I get the feeling some psycho is right behind me, leaning over my shoulder and barely an inch from my ear whispering how she wants to plunge a knife into my neck after boiling my pet rat. And all because I was drunk when I got her number and awoke the following morning to remember she looked like greyhound chewing gravel. Still, Camilla Arfwedson’s fit. I would…

  • Matt

    “Even top hotels don’t want empty beds…but that’s strictly between you and me”

    FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

    That’s not some top secret, that’s just basic common sense. Words can’t say how much the woman in this advert pisses me off.

  • Matt

    “Even top hotels don’t want empty beds…but that’s strictly between you and me”

    FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

    That’s not some top secret, that’s just basic common sense. Words can’t say how much the woman in this advert pisses me off.

  • TheZeroElement

    The bit that annoys me is when she mentions that even the best hotels don’t like empty beds. Well no shit Sherlock, how else would they make money? Not by dismissing custom because they don’t want to crease their bed sheets. I’d still do her though.

  • TheZeroElement

    The bit that annoys me is when she mentions that even the best hotels don’t like empty beds. Well no shit Sherlock, how else would they make money? Not by dismissing custom because they don’t want to crease their bed sheets. I’d still do her though.

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