Are you a psychopath?
Do you wear braces?
Do you think most forms of media entertainment are a waste of time?
Do you spend more time in the gym than in the pub?
Do you aspire to live in a concrete-and-glass post-modernist gas chamber?
Do you have a complicated relationship with cocaine, your family and the opposite sex?
Do you think George Osbourne has the best haircut in the country?
Do you think Nigel Farage is a bit moderate?
Do you fear carpets?
Do you eat over a bin?
Do you only read biographies of businesspeople and industrialists?
Do you own an Audi saloon?
Do you find yourself frowning most of the time, even when you’re not aware of it?
Do you look in bewilderment at ornaments, art, books and curios?
Do you think pets are irrelevant?
Do you prefer your surfaces to be polished concrete, glass and stainless steel?
Do you drink double-shot espressos?
Do you find yourself unable to understand the concept of games or gaming?
Do you use the internet to procure prostitutes?
Do you affect a ‘laugh’ solely to fit win with other people?
Do you wonder what your girlfriends’ head would look like on a stick?
Do you wake screaming from nightmares about that shameful thing you did?
Do you secretly despise every single member of the human race?
Do the voices tell you to kill again?
Do you have an expensive new business card?
Do you watch with confusion when you see people laughing, smiling and having fun?
Do you humiliate people you think of as inferior to yourself?
Do you calm yourself with meaningless inspirational quotes such as ‘the world is at your feet’?
Do you find yourself turning away in disgust at expressions of love, humanity and empathy?
Do you find yourself crying when alone in lifts and on the underground?
Do you see the faces when you switch the lights off?
Do you like to hack at big slabs of meat with a cleaver?
Do you have nightmares filled with insane laughter, blood, screaming and knives?
Are you dead inside?
Edit: Redrow has taken the original video down, so you’ll have to watch this Redrow TV Advert iframe from the Torygraph instead