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10Oct/1515

Virgin Media Inspired Advert

virgin media inspire advert

Sometimes I wonder whether I should stop doing this blog. It takes up time that I don't have, it's increasingly out-of-kilter with my career and the idea of going out in a blaze of glory or just ending the whole thing (I'm talking about my hosting here) is kinda attractive. And then I see a terrible advert. This Virgin Media Inspired advert, for example.

Here's what happens when I write virtually every post on here - sometimes after a couple of days, sometimes after a week or the best part of a month. I see an advert for the first time and it so enrages me that I feel unable to let it pass. Somehow someone, somewhere must strike a blow - however small, pointless and insignificant - against the rank awfulness that has just taken place. Maybe - in some infinitesimal way - confronting these cosmic evils redresses the balance of the universe.

Earlier I browsed around a market - I bought a cushion, some prints of countryside scenes, lemon curd and pork pie. Then I went for a walk and saw a Hummingbird Hawk-Moth. Then I had a few pints. Then I had a rabbit and black pudding pie. Then I had some more pints. Then I watched Doctor Who. Then I watched a repeat of The Tick Of It. I was having a really good day.

I mean, admittedly, right now I should be doing some work. I've got some work to do for tomorrow, some work to do for Monday and some work to do for Friday. I really have to do all these bits of work and they have to be on time. After the pie and moths and pints and telly I really should have done an hour's work. I've got a rare couple of hours, in which I haven't pencilled in travelling, sleeping, working or recovering from all that other stuff. So I really should be doing work. And then what? This fucking Virgin Media advert.

If you're actually showing your child videos of Emmeline Pankhurst on an iPad then you either don't exist or you're a twat. If you Google the words 'women who rock' you're a twat. If you somehow compare Paloma Faith - a lady who sings songs - with the aforementioned Pankhurst then you're mental, frankly.

If you want to use Fleur East singing Girl On Fire to accompany someone doing Google searches you have a pretty big disconnect between use of the phrase 'on fire' and listlessly WWILFing on a tablet.

If you want to imply - even in a roundabout way - that women got themselves smashed into the ground under the hooves of horses so people could download porn, Game Of Sodding Thrones and the latest episode of The Great British Wank Off a bit faster then fuck you, basically. And take your naff little Girl Power parable and shove it up your coke-pickled rectum.

No, it's fair to say I didn't enjoy it. But I do feel slightly better for the vaguest, slightest hope that I might make someone, somewhere, somehow think about they've done. And if that isn't the real power of the internet I don't know what is.

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  • Ronnie

    The closing shot of the girl she could not look more creepy – like a serial killer

  • Sarah Wullink

    So good to know I’m not alone. This is one of the dreaded occasions where I saw an advert for the first time, rolled my eyes and wondered how long the countdown would be until it finally ran its course.

  • Lee

    I actually mute the tv and look away every time this soul draining piece of shite comes on! Keep up the good work sir your a legend

  • Ray Specs

    My god! I’m not alone! That advert seems to
    equate better internet with women’s emancipation. If that were true, the advert wouldn’t be necessary. By its existence, it. draws our attention to
    “Better internet = better world for wealthy men, misogynistic trollers and
    stalkers”. Moreover, did Nadia Comăneci become great by playing computer-games? Was Ms Pankhurst ‘enabled’ by twitter? Did Billie Holiday just keep watching telly until she could sing? Or did these people get off their arses and graft? I notice they didn’t include Britain’s only female PM – too ugly? Ouch!

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  • Onmebike

    So mummy thinks inspirational women are:

    A singer that died early hopelessly addicted to heroin

    A girl groomed for stardom by a ruthless communist state and fed steroids by the bucket full for which she is now paying the price.

    A singer

    A footballer (Well fairplay on that one)

    When her daughter croaks trying an overhead kick at a karaoke whilst high on smack I hope I am there to say I told you so

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  • Prem

    And that fooking kid! annoying kid that doesnt blink and looks borderline retarded

  • mAGNUS “Addy” wAKER

    Never, ever shut down your blog, I earnestly enjoy reading all of your posts!

  • Simon Fraser

    It actually ranks as one of the few adverts that causes me to shout expletives at my TV. It ranks very closely alongside that abomination of a Haribo advert where they all sing in front of a car.

  • manicminer

    Phew, not just me then. Really didn’t like the mother’s line of ‘Let me show you who I want you to be’. So much for the girls liberation to choose where she wants to go in life.

    • Prem

      She actually said “this is who I wanted to be” Which I know is even worse. Who cares who this silly woman wanted to be? she obviously didn’t get there did she? lol

  • Pam_Smith

    It’s horrendous. She was obviously chosen for her ability to look astonished, but what exactly is she so astonished about?

    ‘Stop watching women playing sport on your tablet and look at Paloma Faith instead’.

    ‘WOW!!!!!!!!’

  • Steph

    I consider myself a feminist (and I don’t consider that a dirty word) but this was just cringe.

    And fucking fuck fucking Paloma Fucking Faith.

  • Barbarous Ground Squirrel

    You shouldn’t stop the blog because after seeing this this advert on TV I immediately wondered if it would be mentioned on adturds.

    I believe this is what’s called ‘brand-satisfaction’ in wankspeak.

  • D Nelson

    The kid overacts as well with her bulging eyes

  • Neil

    I agree. That is fucking wank.
    I missed the last 10 seconds because I screwed my face up so much in disgust.

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