Something must be done. AdTurds readers keep telling me. My wife has told me. I overhear strangers talking about it. And Bob Mortimer too. Everyone hates these Tesco adverts.
The Tesco adverts. The ones with Ben Miller and Ruth Jones and their Inbetweenerish teenage son ("up and coming" actor Will Close). Miller is a Stupid Dad. She flirts with men younger than her own son (cf. Argos). The son is a twat. A massive one. A twat as big as Kris Marshall.
Look, here they are playing those roles. Ruth is, naturally, delighted by the Brand Guarantee. The son is being a dick and the Dad is being a dunce. As is proscribed by Advertising. Though interestingly not by the Advertising Standards Authority - this Haggling ad defies a previous ASA ruling as it doesn't clarify that you only qualify for a price difference refund if you buy more than ten items and the cheaper product comes from Asda, Sainsbury's or Morrisons. Naughty.
Anyway, here's how Marketing Magazine sees the new campaign:
The spot will show the family in a supermarket with Ben Miller's character Roger playing an 'embarrassing dad' figure, quizzing the checkout colleague on the mechanics of the Brand Guarantee.
It will be followed by a spot showing Ruth Jones' character Jo, who "gets on her high horse about certain things", tutting the word "typical" when she sees a queue at the till before being pleasantly surprised when a Tesco colleague opens a check out to serve her.
The characters in the campaign represent a modern family, with "sexual chemistry" between the parents and banter between the father and son, Freddie, who represents a 'boomerang' child back living with parents in his 20s.
Sorry. I had to stop be to be sick everywhere. But afterwards I felt a sort-of elation when I realised I don't have to listen to this stuff anymore. But then I felt sorry for the people who do.
Rekindling latent love of the brand
Tesco's brand director, Michelle McEttrick, thinks that customers have a 'latent love of the brand'. That is simply not true, not any more true that suggesting that I have a latent love of Texaco, Powergen or Allied Carpets. At best they perform a function in my life.
I hate to break this to you, Michelle, but I don't hang out in Tesco with a bunch of friends - or have get-togethers with the people who elbowed me out of the way in their desperation to buy some brown-looking mince at the yellow-stickered section.
Tesco's adverts have been really poor for a while now. Squeezed from below and retrenching after some ill-fated excursions into new markets and sectors, Tesco doesn't seem to know what it's about any more. So their branding needed an overhaul. But there's something rather grisly about all this.
Permission to be funny
Caroline Pay, deputy creative director at BBH, thinks Tesco 'has permission to be funny'. And the brand has mined 'comedy' to good effect in the past. But there's a problem with trying to be funny - it's also a short-cut to aggravating people, especially if that comedy is considered ill-judged.
It doesn't matter if you hate the Go Compare adverts - it's exactly the same service offered by a half a dozen operators. Being known is the only aim. But it's different here - if no-one can stand your adverts they're not going to be receptive to its key messages.
I think the best adverts Tesco has put out are the 'Every Little Helps' voiceover adverts of a few years ago - represented here by Jimmy Nail, of all people, talking about the Tesco price check (at around 3.50). They're clean, simple but still have character.
Wind back a little further and Tesco had Prunella Scales as a sociopathic Grandma disapproving of her daughter's (Jane Horrocks) every move. Although they never had to contend with social media (or blogs) I'm guessing this is where Tesco is aiming with this new series and that's fair enough - it's certainly a blindingly obvious one, for which someone is probably drawing down a seven-figure sum.
But the devil is in the detail here. Personally I'm ambivalent about them, but people utterly despise these adverts - especially the son, who seems to be in real physical danger should certain people recognise him. And the disappointment in the likeable Jones and Miller is clear.
On top of horsemeat and profit scandals I don't suppose a shonky ad campaign is going to worry anyone too much. There might never have been much brand love; whether Tesco can recapture brand loyalty remains to be seen.
Tesco advert keywords
A selection of the keywords phrases AdTurds readers have been typing into their browsers over the last month. The ones in bold are my favourites:
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Tesco Adverts: Twitter reacts
Every Little Helps
You can literally hear the actors in the Tesco advert going "Just think of the money, just think of the money." x
— Sally Ann Matthews (@SallyAnMatthews) November 26, 2015
— Hayley Goleniowska (@DownsSideUp) November 27, 2015
Wow. The @Tesco gluten-free Christmas advert is actually really ignorant. Since when is it acceptable to mock people's diets?
— Chiyo. (@ChiyoGomes) November 27, 2015
I'm not a violent man, but you'd have to drag me off that annoying lad on the Tesco advert...
— Chris Boden (@bodenknights) December 1, 2015
— godfrina (@godfrina) November 24, 2015
I'm sorry you didn't like our advert...