New debilitating Halifax adverts

Clearly this advert is absolutely fucking appalling (slappable faces, ironic dancing and miming to music, awful concept), but what’s most egregious about Halifax’s ‘we give you a fiver from time to time’ boast is that this will be clawed back by Halifax’s recently introduced overdraft charges that amount to £1 or £2 per day for using an overdraft facility.

That’s quite a lot of cash for anyone who uses their overdraft facility. In fact it’s either £365 a year or £730 a year depending on how big your facility is. If you have the misfortune of being overdrawn without an arranged overdraft it’s nearly two grand over a year. That fiver doesn’t look quite so enticing now does it?

Of course, as we all know, all banks are absolute bastards who will screw you every which way, so HBOS is no different from any other bank in that regard.

What I would like to see, though, is the government forcing banks they have a significant stake in (a 43 per cent stake in Lloyds, which owns HBOS, which is essentially Halifax) to make a series of adverts in their current style where they cheerfully pronounce the various ways they’re trying to beast their customers.

It could go like this:

DJ: We’ve got a caller on Line One!

CALLER: Why are you trying to bum me over overdraft fees?

DJ: Haha! Because we’ve got a carte blanche to brutally hammer every single one of you! Can I just ask if you were conned into banking with us through this risible ‘fiver a month’ deal?

CALLER: Yeah, but with all these overdraft charges it’s a drop in the ocean!

DJ: Of course, that’s the whole point! And how else are we supposed to pay off all those toxic debts we accrued by backing these never-never sub-prime mortgages? By the way, thanks for the 17 billion!

And on that note, here’s The O’Jays, with For the Love of Money! Fuck you all!

ITV’s Best Adverts Of The Decade

As has become more apparent of late, I do like some adverts. As it’s the end of the decade it’s the season for ‘best of’ lists looking back over the last ten years. Inevitably, rather than do something more interesting like putting an angry Charlie Brooker in a room with some ad execs, there’s a perfunctory ‘best 20 ads of the decade’-type programme tonight titled ITV’s Best Adverts Of The Decade.

ITV's Best Adverts Of The Decade

All of the choices are pretty obvious, which is not to say they’re not good, by and large. Frankly the programme doesn’t do them justice, nor do the awful talking heads who contribute absolutely fuck all to our appreciation or understanding of the ads.

Some people called Mark Charnock, Andrew Castle, Sharon Marshall, Jonny Vegas (actually I like Jonny Vegas), Stephen Mulhern, Anthony Worrall-Thompson, Claire Beale, Paul Ross, Kym Marsh, Duncan Bannatyne and some dancing kid compete to be the biggest twunt on display.

Astonishingly it’s not Paul Ross, but Andrew Castle – a man with all the charm and searing insight of a pile of dog shit. Anyway, I’ve collected them all below, along with my own pithy opinions of the ads in question.

ITV’s Best Adverts Of The Decade

Halifax – Howard

No, no, no, no, no. Fuck no.

Budweiser – Wassup!


Cadbury’s eyebrows


John Smiths Peter Kay adverts

Funny, probably Peter Kaye’s best work.

Carlsberg – Old Lions

Brilliant, lovely to see everyone’s favourite old footie players in action one more time.

Waterslide – Barclays

Event ads jump the shark. Patronising, twee and fairly disingenuous drivel.

Volkswagen Golf GTi – Singin in the Rain

An undisputed classic.

Sure For Men – Stunt City

Quite amusing.

Sony Bravia – Balls

A nice ad that looks phenomenal.

Citroen C4 – Transformer

Fun, funky, French. Stone-cold classic.

PG Tips – Monkey and Al

Quite funny.

Sony Bravia – Paint

Quite pleasant.

John West – Bear

Quite amusing.

T-Mobile Dance

This first example of flash mob advertising is quite good.

Guinness – Tipping Point

I’ve long since tired of Guinness’ smug, ethnic vibe. And it’s a rip-of of the far-superior Cog.

Cadbury’s – Gorilla

Quite funny.

Skoda Fabia – Cake


Honda – Cog

It had to be. It’s not my personal favourite but it’s a slice of fried gold.

Compare the Meerkat

Funny and gains points for subverting an awful genre, but rapidly becoming tiresome.


Well observed, but hardly the best ad of the last ten years.