AdTurds – Adverts that are shit Bad adverts. Badverts

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  • Jimbo

    My suggestion: The Dominos “Meltdown” advert. I don’t know about you, but I found it rather irritating:

  • David

    i know you have already mentioned halifax adverts but the new “isa isa baby” one pisses me off. The smug look on that bitches face when she starts singing that song. FUCK OFF.

    • Stephen Savva

      I love this commercial! It’s really clever I think!

    • Sar

      Hey, watch your language – that was unecessary

      • Steph

        oh dear…you might not want to peruse this site any further if *that* was a bit much for you, good sir.

  • http://www.zakarias-welch.com hal9000

    2 things
    1. I hate with a passion any advert that was filmed in another (EU) language and then dubbed into english.
    see – vanish crystal white bollocks
    a, You can always tell
    b, it’s just fucking cheap
    c, I am never buying your product now or ever

    2. itv 2&3*4 sponsored by afternoon & evening tv mini adverts. Mainly by car manufacturers
    Grrr

  • David Cameron

    THIS MAN SHOULD DIE.

  • Some Guy
  • The Ad Hater

    My suggestion would be the Jacob’s Creek Reserve advert. This ad makes me NEVER want to buy that wine because of all the obnoxious cunts behaving like complete twats. Who the hell behaves like that at a fucking DINNER PARTY?! I don’t care about your 495 online friends.
    Here is my most hated part:
    Bloke: “Jacob’s Creek Reserve, loved by the world’s most important wine critic.
    Woman: Really? Who?
    Bloke: *in a smug voice* Me.
    Woman: “You’re funny.”

    True Character?! Fuck off!

    • Gs7613

      I expect this is a case of negative advertising. The advert got a lot of people talking about it

  • Matt T

    One shit does plenty! Overly camp gentleman comes to clean up a spillage, because the woman is clearly too retarded to work with ‘other’ paper towels.

    http://www.plenty.co.uk/

  • Johnny Blake

    The new Flash with febreeze advert. Its so grammatically incorrect that its shameful.

  • Rich

    pringooals, what a load of CRAP!

  • The Ad Hater

    That Volkswagen advert is just stupid. How the fuck can you call £15,550 “unbelievable” value?! Sounds VERY EXPENSIVE to me!

    • Andyleglockfreeman

      yeah its is very expensive 

      • Compilot101

        i would not piss on a vw if it was on fire what a piece of scrap they are

  • Rhys

    The new Morrisons advert in itself is an ok advert. But does anyone else think that one of the “farmers” is really fucking weird. When he’s talking to the kids (about flying animals), it’s like he’s just shit himself or worse still he’s a molester that’s about to get his rocks off. Poor casting…poor acting.

  • Allen

    I find the latest BT ad slightly confusing. What is it suggesting? That BT Broadband is really good for watching porn with your mates on your stag do? Fair enough, it’s a good selling point as far as I’m concerned but I’d have thought they’d want to sell the package to everyone else as well as those who are after a good, private tug without irritating broadband hang-ups.

  • WM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC3iQkvQYSs This Slim Fast advert. Please. Some exec really thinks that this is what stand-up comedy is like. Thin women and dresses aren’t jokes outside the imaginations of the people involved with this advert and Jo Brand.

  • The Ad Hater

    The latest Go Compare ad where this guy is on a desert island is just as shit as all the FIVE other pieces of crap we’ve had to put up with! The “Go Compaaaaaaaaaaare” part really hurts my ears!
    Also, another shit ad would be the latest one for Milkybar. What the fuck have they done to it?! The Milkybar Kid is gone and now we have some complete twats dressed up as him and shouting “the Milkybars are on me!”
    We’re Nestle on crack when they thought this would be a good idea?

  • TheScrutineer

    This Dell “Pack Up Your Troubles” advert.

    The whole point is why carry around a heavy bag if you’re a child, you could fall over! Dell can help you with this with a lightweight laptop.
    We see the children fall over to the nauseating sound of a some popsters singing a WW2 marching chant in a “Glee” way, then look at the happy go lucky Asian girl, walking with gay abadon with her little pink bag. It’s so easy when you don’t have a heavy bag weighing you down, thanks Dell…hey hang on a moment…HER LAPTOP ISN’T EVEN IN HER F**KING BAG, IT’S ON A TABLE AT HOME! AND IT LOOKS LIKE A 17″ BRICK TOO.

    What is the point of this advert then? If you leave everything at home, then you won’t have a heavy bag? WTF?
    I’ve no idea, it’s utterly pointless.
    The people who made this should give the £5 Dell paid them for this back. That will mean Dell can invest a whole £10 in their next diabloically bad ad campaign.

  • The Ad Hater

    ALL of the DFS adverts need to FUCK OFF! I’m sick to death of seeing an ad telling me about their sale. They are always having a fucking sale! Sometimes they say something like “ends Monday 8PM.” What happens after that? Another advert comes up with the words “specially extended” plastered on the screen. I don’t want to buy a bloody sofa so PISS OFF!
    Oh, and thanks for putting this ad on in EVERY FUCKING AD BREAK during Killer Squid Invasion on FIVE. Thank God for Sky+!

  • Christopher Wells

    Jacamo, any of them.

    The current one is particularly shit, mainly as I watch in horror at the way the shorter fatter one acts, and the facial expressions he pulls.

  • Makoti

    The new Lloyds TSB one when where the chick breaks down and a train comes to her rescue! AND THEN a YAK eats her cell phone….W.T.F people? Their adverts are enough for me to go bank else where! Imagine the staff member at Llloyds who is helping me close my account asks ‘What is the reason for you closing your account with us?” BECAUSE YOUR ADVERTS ARE DRIVE ME TO DRINK!

    • Rhogarth2162

      Everytime I hear that bloody Lloyds Bank tune, I put the following words to it:-

      I’ve got an itchy arse
      I’ve got an itchy arse
      I’ve got an itchy arse
      I think I’ll scratch it
      Trouble is , I can’t get it out my head now!

  • The Ad Hater

    Nationwide + Little Britain = No… just… FUCKING… NO!!

  • Anonymous

    The Trivial Pursuit sponsorship ads that have appeared surrounding programmes on Dave and quite possibly other places. Every single one is dripping with smarmy smugness and self satisfaction that makes me feel like killing each and every person in it.

  • Some Guy

    Here’s something you might be interested in:

  • The Ad Hater

    The latest Finish dishwasher tablet advert is fucking disgusting. They are trying to show how much grease gets in your dishwasher and they say it’s 15kg. Next it shows 15 one kilo jugs of grease being poured down the drain and it looks like someones vomit which is why the advert is fucking GROSS! Did we REALLY need to see that? Also, it would be just horrible if they showed this during breakfast, lunch, tea or whenever we are eating! What the fuck were you thinking, Finish?! I just want to puke everytime I see it!

  • zola_the_gorgon

    “Dreams”, who apparently sell beds, have adverts at the beginning and end of ad breaks on Sky. The soundtrack was “Get Ready” by the Temptations. All fine, you might think, until they started advertising a line of children’s beds. Picture a little girl playing happily on the floor next to her pink bed with these lyrics playing over the top:

    “Look out baby, ’cause here I come.
    And I’m bringing you a love that’s true.
    So get ready, so get ready.
    I’m gonna try to make you love me too.”

    It took them about 3 days to realise this might not be the image they’re going for, and change the song to “I Can Dream About You” instead.

  • Farminator

    Carspotter. The one with the horrendous woman who is sitting on the sofa ‘I dunno but CarSpott’ll tell ya’ makes me feel sick.

    Also, the Febreze advert with the identical twins and fit mother.

  • Julie

    The lucky you Halifax ad with those two pathetic childish women – and the Volkswagen one where they say it is nothing like a golf, plus of course Go Compare, DFS, We buy any car, the list is endless and we havent even got to the pukemaking Christmas ads and even worse, the new year sale ads yet- makes me want to chuck my tv out of the window and just turn to reading books instead. On TV now there seems to be more ads that actual tv programmes, and I am sick of those 118 118 ads that sponsor films, even more f***ing annoying

  • Benj

    ‘The internet is the most important invention of the 21st Century…’

    No, it isn’t. I was working on the internet in the 20th Century. So please shut up!

  • Pam

    The kid with the “patchula” in the Betty Crocker Devils Food cake advert – man i hate that kid. Not only does the advert read like it was written by an old woman – im mean what fucking kid talks like that, the kid sounds like salad fingers and then at the end he eats half the fucking cake – godamn awful ad

  • The Ad Hater

    I am sick to fucking death of that Toby Carvery advert. Why the hell are those twats standing on a building in the middle of fucking nowhere shouting “Beef 4 Dinner?!” It’s been on non-stop and it’s driving me insane. FUCK OFF!

  • The Ad Hater

    Surely Iceland has to be the next ad that should be on here. Dear God, the latest one is absolute SHITE and I thought the Kerry Katona ones were bad! These people can’t sing and they butcher 2 songs in the process. How can you fuck up the Can-can so bad and RUIN “20th Century Boy” at the same time? This has to be one of the worst ads I’ve ever seen but it still doesn’t quite beat Go Compare!

  • Flinch

    1.”You would’nt clean your teeth without a brush, so why treat your face any different?”
    WTF?

    2.Those fucking Febreze twins, i wish they would have a fatal head on collison with Jedwood.

    3.That freckly ginger bastard in the Primula advert.

    4.Where the fuck is this bar that serves nothing but Disaronno?

  • Pingback: The worst adverts of 2010 | AdTurds - Adverts That Are Shit

  • The Ad Hater

    I wish all the fragrance adverts would just FUCK OFF! The one that pisses me off the most is the ad for the Armani Code. Not only is it on every fucking ad break but it’s been on since 2006! FOUR BLOODY YEARS I’ve had to put up with this shit!

  • Clark

    “Simply Business” Spotify ads. These ads begin with JIMMM, JIM, JIM, OH JIM, JIM JIM JIM JIM! or, alternatively ROGER!! COME IN ROGER. ROGERROGERROGERROGERROGER!!!! It makes my blood boil. It’s apparently not enough for some advertisers to simply state their business: They need to snap their fingers, shout and get in our faces and introduce themselves in the rudest way possible. Doesn’t matter if it’s totally arbitrary and nonsensical, just as long as it’s so annoying and intrusive you can’t ignore it. FUCK OFF!

    Love adturds btw. Good job! :D

  • The Ad Hater

    Morrisons with the annoying little kids.
    Dad: “Ooh, Panna Cotta, that comes from Italy”
    Stupid smug twat of a kid: “No it doesn’t, it comes from Morrisons.”
    FUCK OFF!!

  • Crippsy

    The Ralph Lauren Big Pony Collection.

    Arghhh make it stop. The ad speaks for itself really. Second only to the fecking safestyle ads in making me want to carry out acts of serious violence on those featured in and resposible for this pile of steaming poo. Shit, pretentious, elitist and just a bit gay. Don’t even get me started on the music either. Poncy twats, fuck off. Arghh

  • The Ad Hater

    The Freeview+ advert.

    “Hello, have you met my Freeview+ box?”
    For the last 5,000 bloody times, yes! Now FUCK OFF!!

  • http://twitter.com/booksintweets Books in tweets

    The latest Sheila’s Wheels offering – some kind of hateful magic show – is pretty adturding…

  • http://twitter.com/Rust_In_Peace Jonathan D

    This is the most annoying fucking advert I’ve ever seen/heard:

    Every time I see it it makes me want to rip my hair out.

    Also, the UP YOUR BINGO! advert with those two fat cunts who look like they’re a hotdog away from an early death, which I can’t seem to find a Youtube video of (thankfully).

  • The Ad Hater

    The advert for the model of the James Bond Aston Martin DB5 which is complete in 85 PARTS! First part is £1.99 while the other 84 are £6.99 EACH. Yes, get a model of the DB5 and 85 brilliant magazines for the low, low price of just £589.15. What a bargain! [/sarcasm]
    WTF? Do they think we are idiots? Who the fuck buys these shit magazines?! Not only that, but I have seen this ad 9 FUCKING TIMES in the last 2 DAYS!

  • james

    martine mcutcheon and danone look set to ruin another years telly for me. please do an adturd on them, let me know i’m not the only one planning to solder my eyes closed and cram nails into my ears every time i hear that proactive pontificating twat open her lop sided gob and spew more lies than a parlimentary inquiry.

  • Bob

    The new Envirofone ad – shit attempt at making that fat dude from the original into a character – “wonga man”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFFyV9YDSl4

    The new Travelsupermarket.com one with oedward and omid djalili – heinous

  • http://twitter.com/Rust_In_Peace Jonathan D

    I second the Martine McCutcheon suggestion. Every time I see that advert her shit eating grin infuriates the fuck out of me.

  • stuckinazoo

    I feel bad about the following because their podcasts have given me hours of fun but…

    1. The freeview ads! Voiced by Karl Pilkington

    2. The Barclays ads! Voiced by Stephen Merchant

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydNlmlKMh0k&feature=related (couldn’t find the latest)

    Coincidentally both new ads feature a squirrel and both times the squirrel is completely redundant. Only in the Barclays ad, Merchant actually points this out in his ironic ‘what’s going on here’ delivery. No irony in the freeview ads, just a TV talking to us with a teapot chipping in from time to time.

    • Nickchapman

      I thought the Free View was Lee Mack and the bird from smack the pony and the Barclays was Justin Lee Collins but what do I know

  • hll

    The hideous attention seeking T-Mobile ‘Return of the Mack’ advert makes me cringe, but not as much as the awful Gillette ‘Proglide Challenge’, with Brian O’Driscoll and Jonny Wilkinson hiding out in gent’s bogs and jumping out at strangers. That could get you arrested if you’re not careful. At least they both have the self awareness to look like they’d rather be at home trimming their pubes with a scythe than participating in this excrutiating drivel…

  • Gordon Brown

    Why you haven’t mentioned this one yet, I will never know:

    I mean, what THE FUCK is up with that puppet?? So retarded it hurts…

  • http://twitter.com/booksintweets Books in tweets

    Slightly creepy bloke in the Jobsite.co.uk advert is rather adturdish.

  • The Ad Hater

    “Waitrose is the same price as Tesco.”
    So? Why should I give a shit?!

  • Nige

    That “Autoglass” advert they keep playing on the radio is doing my head in!

    Having those smug employees telling me what a twat I’ve been for not giving them a call, resulting in me being so broke, I can’t even afford to go on holiday.

    If I get a chip on my windscreen, be assured … I’ll be calling someone else!

  • Barry Jaws

    “Hi Mum. I’m dead now. Thanks for the exercise I got when I was a kid.”

    http://www.thedrum.co.uk/news/2011/02/15/18693-scottish-government-launches-take-life-on-campaign/

  • Mattduk

    Disney: “When are you going to tell them?”… that you’re taking them to Disneyland Paris because you’re too tight to go to Disneyland Florida.

    Mum: We’re going to Disneyland!
    Daughter (excitedly): Really!?
    Mum (quietly): Paris.
    Daughter (menacingly): I hate you.

  • Media1986

    My suggestion: PHD We Are the Future. A media agency trying to be creative: made me want to rip my eyes out.

  • Jero

    Adverlife/Weight Watchers….. That totally annoying, irritating, whining singing intro ‘AAAAAdverliiiiiife’.

    It’s just so wrong.

  • A2913547

    That patronizing, I have no job but can’t watch where I am walking National Accident Helpline ad.

    Why does it sound like a charity helping people when they are in fact parasites pushing up premiums by 30%?

    Why is that stupid little plasticine underdog character intentionally black? Is that a subtle signal?

  • The Ad Hater

    The DFS Winter sale advert. Seriously, it’s FUCKING SPRING and they are still advertising this shit?!

  • http://twitter.com/matthewnotmatt Matthew Day

    The Co-operative’s (fucking annoying) couple, who “don’t want to do one weekly shop anymore”, and who make painful innuendos about using the time saved to have sex. I thought the decade long (it felt that long) series of adverts with the Gabriella Cilmi song were bad, now I’d do anything to get them back. ANYTHING THING!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL2furkhskE&feature=relmfu

  • AB03

    KFC “We are family” advert featuring a nauseating family get together all in soft focus..

    My local KFC is only in soft focus for the late night drunks looking for chicken flavoured fat. Ugh, on both counts

  • Steph

    the birdseye advert. why the royal f*ck do birdseye think that some godfather-wannabe polar bear making veiled threats to me from inside my freezer is going to make me wanna buy their fish? jeez, their next advert might as well say ‘if i ever find sainsbury’s own brand fish products in your freezer, i will cut your fingers off and mail them to your family. ciao, steph’. the little ‘charlie uniform november tango’ even follows you on holiday now, peddling his shit-filtering crustaceans and telling you to buy them or you’ll get a horse’s head in your bed. or something.

    • Pete

      I second that!… What a creepy little shit!  Tell-ya if I see that son of a bitch in my freezer ill blow his brains back to the north pole and have me a new rug.

  • Rose

    The Mazuma Mobile ad that rips off the Oompa Loompa song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIE6SstCBAM

  • Mister Ever-so-slightly-cross

    Fucking christing cunting fucking cunting cunt of an advert for Ikea with supposed male and female stand-ups saying who is messier – men or women. Fucking christing cunts, the lot of them.

    Also, any advert where the actors are clearly speaking English, but their voices have been dubbed, and done so badly there is a split second delay in synchronising lip movements to words. What’s the fucking point? If you don’t like their voices, don’t hire them as actors.

    Also, the godawful fucking adverts where they stop people in the street and say ‘are you brushing properly? Oh come back tomorrow and let’s see the difference’. No. Fuck off. Cunts.

    Similarly the advert with supposed dentists recommending a particular brand of toothpaste/toothbrush/mouthwash etc. Fuck off back to your practice. Actually, no don’t, cos you’re not actually a proper dentist. Plebs.

    And bloody anti-wrinkle cream adverts that don’t actually do any good. “Scientifically designed for the forehead, face, neck and decour la somefuckingthing”. What the fuck is that? Since when has that phrase ever been used in common parlance in England?

    Right, despite being on a bit of a roll…Rant over.

    Oh. And Halifax…Wankers.

  • The Ad Hater

    The Xbox Kinect advert. “Xbox play. Xbox pause.” Because some people are too lazy to press the fucking A button on their controller. *sigh*

  • Mister Ever-so-slightly-cross

    If some arrogant, smug, suited dicksplash comes striding up to me with a full camera crew whilst I have a razor to my neck shouting “Whoa Buddy…how’s ya shave?”, I’m gonna punch the motherfucker in the throat…twice.

  • The Ad Hater

    Bio Oil – We see some woman saying that she is glad she bought this product and then the stupid bloody advert doesn’t even tell us what the product does. What the fuck was the point of this?! What a waste of time and MONEY! This is just as stupid as that annoying Formoline ad back in 2008. I wish these type of adverts would be banned!

    • Steph

      yeah i hate that too. ‘i bought bio-oil on a whim’. have you seen the price of that crap? and you bought it on a whim?! more money than sense love.

      • The Ad Hater

        Yeah, £15 for 100ml. I mean just fuck right off!

  • The Professor

    I can’t stand P&G’s new sexist, patronising, exploitative “proud sponsor of mums” guff-fest.

  • Mister Ever-so-slightly-cross

    “Oh look, Ocean Finance have their own TV channel”. Right, perhaps you can consolidate the loan you took out for the big bastard telly you’re watching their channel on, with your countless credit cards, car loans, finance for double glazing (“I say you buy one, you get one free…I SAY YOU BUY ONE, YOU GET ONE FREE”), mortgage, gambling debts (888.com etc.) and short period loans til payday (very reasonable at only 1,000% APR)…Oh but never mind, if you’ve been mis-sold the payment protection insurance, maybe you can sue someone for professional negligence to get the premiums back. Or maybe fall back on debt busters for one easy monthly payment for the next sixty years. After all, it’s always someone else’s fault. Trash.

  • The Ad Hater

    L’Oreal Sublime Bronze. Statistic on bottom of screen reads “70% of 48 women agree.” Fucking hell, how did this shit get approved?!

    • iMarc89

      Especially because 70% of 48 is 36.6. Which would seem to suggest that they made it up.

  • PK

    Is this sentence grammatically correct please? Devil take your lies off me

  • Zola the Gorgon

    Always – “Have a Happy Period”. Oh, thank you very much. Which bit of it would you like to me to celebrate? The agonising pain that feels like I’m about to reenact that scene from Alien, perhaps? The hormone-induced spots and upset stomach? The life-force draining out of me leaving me lurching like a comatose zombie?

    Oh, and to help me at this special, joyous time you’ve made some lovely cards that aren’t all patronising or creepy and strange:
    http://www.always.com/happy/ecard_list.jsp

    Have a happy boating accident, Always.

  • Mister Ever-so-slightly-cross

    “If you don’t have an i-Phone, well…you don’t have an i-Phone.” Really? That’s amazing. What incredible insight you have. You really did lead me into a logical cul-de-sac there, didn’t you? Boy, is egg on my face. Absolute spastics. Yep.

  • The Turdinator

    WTF is it with these fucking moronic Direct Line insurance ads? I’m sick to fucking death of that frizzy haired turd giving insurance advice to escapees from some lunatic asylum! Is that their perception of its customers? As brain dead tards?

  • The Ad Hater

    So that opera twat is back with ANOTHER new Go Compare ad. Now we have a Robin Hood inspired one. For fuck sake, please DUMP the format now! We have 12 FUCKING VERSIONS of this ad and it has got BEYOND RIDICULOUS!

    • Steph

      in biology, we studied a mechanism used by pathogens like viruses and bacteria whereby they alter the proteins on their surface so that the immune system can’t remember them and get rid of them as quickly. i think this is what these adverts are doing: changing regularly so that you are unprepared and cannot dive for the mute button before the first ‘go compaaaaaaare’ is bawled…

  • The Ad Hater

    “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone.” FUCK OFF!!

  • Steph

     the jammie dodger monkeys please. those things haunt my fucking nightmares.

  • The Ad Hater

    Fox’s Ambers. The way the panda says biscuits as “biscwits” and syndicate as “syndicwate” utterly PISSES ME OFF! I mean there’s no fucking “U” in syndicate yet he says it like there is one. And then they have the cheek to display “biscwits” on the screen too.

  • Dave

     Jammie dodger monkeys, freak me out.

  • Steph

    yay, thanks for doing those bloody monkeys. another quick moan: SMA adverts. ‘nothing you do for your baby is more important than what you feed them at the start’. no, the next 18 years count for nothing…but switch to a cheaper brand of powdered milk and your baby WILL grow up to be a retarded criminal who enjoys flinging shit over him/herself.

  • iMarc89

    Any advert involving children. Every time I see a child/baby in an advert it makes me want to simultaneously and explosively void my bowels and my stomach in some kind of disgusting vomit cocktail.

    If that made your stomach churn, you have a vague idea of how I feel every tine I hear the words, “soft, soft, soft.” Or any time I see Freddie Flintoff walking across a field with Shine playing in the background. “It’ll get worse before it gets better.” What do you know about it you little shit? Never worked a day in your life and thanks to Cameron and his lackeys, you never will. Fuck you and your fucking quiche. I’ll ram that quiche so far up your arse you’ll be shitting pastry for the rest of your life.

    Fuck ads with children, fuck Morrison’s and fuck the lot of ye.

    • Steph

      couldn’t agree more. children aren’t funny or unknowingly wise or magical beings. in fact they need to be more like giant squids: you’re aware that they exist, but you never see them. to be honest, every time i see an advert for ‘outnumbered’ it makes me feel like I accidentally touched a tramps arse. 

      also, why do adverts with babies in have voiceovers with some woman talking like she is explaining what a poo is to a particularly remedial 1 year old? 
      admen: you’re selling to the parents, not the bloody baby itself, quit with the ‘supports baby’s healthy-wealthy bwain development!’ crap. please.

    • Management

      Issues !!!
      Did you get rejected as a child star ??   

  • Gablarr

    that jammie dodger advert, it’s so weird! the person has a fucking weirdly massive face, and those monkeys haunt me, it actually makes me angry when i see the advert!!!

  • Mancbiker

    WHO’S THE NORTHERN ACTOR DOING THE VOICEOVER IN THE NEW ING ADVERT?

  • The Ad Hater

    Rosetta Stone. “I’m learning Japanese my lotus flower.” I just want to punch the guy in the fucking face everytime I hear that phrase! I have never heard anyone being called “lotus flower” and it just sounds so stupid.

    Also, I’ve seen another advert with a crap statistic on screen. I thought 70% of 48 women was rubbish but this one in the No7 advert that says “agreed by 70% of 43 women” just takes the fucking piss!

  • The Ad Hater

    The newest HSBC advert is just fucking GROSS! First you hear the narrator going on about how people in Cambodia use innovative ways of keeping out pests. Next they mention that they SELL them on as FOOD. We see a guy offering a young girl a skewer with FLIES on them. She doesn’t want it at first. But after the guy sprinkles some hundreds and thousands on the flies, the girl EATS them. It’s that point where I just wanted to PUKE! I mean fucking hell, that is one of the most disgusting adverts I’ve seen and it’s coming from a fucking BANK!! I really hope the ASA takes this horrifying shit off the air!

    • BadAdHater

      Well as disgusting as it all may seem to you, that is part of their culture, and of many cultures in the world and is designed to impart the message they have knowledge of the nuances of local cultures across the world, continuing on the theme of adverts they have been doing for years. I don’t fancy eating them myself, but it’s not that gross and definitely no reason for the ASA to take any action.

    • http://twitter.com/fathorseharry Harry Cunningham

      Horrifying? REALLY? Have you been living under a rock? There’s nothing wrong with eating insects – cultures all around the world do it. It’s only protein, after all. Insects like woodlice, for example, are closely related to prawns, and people are perfectly happy to eat them.

  • Asterick Jones

    I can’t stand a Lloyds TSB ad that was airing a short while back which advertised the fact that they wouldn’t charge on your overdraft if you could put money in your account by an amazing 3.30pm the next day, a whole day, how generous of them, if you needed the overdraft so badly how could you pay it back in just a day. That coupled with the vacuously vague tagline of “For The Journey” that it is meant to be inspirational like some inane Facebook status I’m amazed it doesn’t feature on your site already or have I just missed it.

  • Pigjelly

    “Now be honest, you didn’t expect Everest to be doing that today, did you?” Well guess what. I don’t, never have, and never will give a flying fuck. And I’m being honest.

    • SJC74

      What? I didn’t expect them to be doing that? Everest- a windows and doors company- selling windows and doors?
      Is there any twat in the world stupid enough not to expect them to be doing that?

  • The Ad Hater

    Barclaycard Rollercoaster. It used to be a good advert but now it’s shit thanks to them changing the song to Petula Clark’s “Downtown.” I mean how the fuck does that relate to riding a rollercoaster? I liked it when they used Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” but now the advert sucks. Fuck off Barclaycard! Oh, and Barclays’ other ads with the smug Stephen Merchant voiceover can fuck right off too!

  • Zola the Gorgon
  • iMarc89

    That Halford’s ad where this bitch let’s a crocodile in to the house to “get the family out”. If they don’t want to go out, leave them the fuck alone. Why force someone to do something they don’t want to do and won’t enjoy? Just let them play their damn Xbox you cow!

    What’s she doing out of the kitchen anyway? She should be making me a sammich!

  • The Ad Hater

    Colgate Total – “Excuse me, is your toothpaste working?” If someone walked up to me and asked that, I’d punch them in the fucking face! Also, your Pro-Argin bullshit can fuck right off!

    Expedia – I fucking hate both of these ads that are being shown right now. I’m sick of hearing “AUCH TRIN” or whatever the bloke is saying. Why the fuck is he speaking German?! The other ad is fucking annoying! Stupid people run around the Expedia HQ shouting “MIKEY’S WAIKIKI” at least 10 fucking times. What the hell does ANY of this have to do with booking a flight?!

    Boots – Still playing the same “Here come the fucking girls” song over and over again!

    Dove – Take an already annoying song, “hokey cokey”, and then make even more shit than it already is by changing the words.

    Go Compare – FUCK OFF WITH THIS BLOODY ANNOYING OPERA SHIT ALREADY!! We’ve now had 13 versions of this shite. GIVE IT A FUCKING REST!

    • Pete2820

      I totally agree, especially the Go Compare ad. I want to smash the TV in when it comes on, I angrily press the mute on the remote, almost breaking it. Get this annoying lot of dick heads off the screen!!

  • Steph

    ‘What’s on your mind?’
    ‘Racing. Spacing. Wow it’s bracing. A cup of tea would be amazing’

    I don’t really mind this advert too much, but it always leaves me with the question…Jenson, why are you letting Head & Shoulders make you look like a bellend?

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      I’ve been thinking about doing this one and that’s almost exactly what I wouldve written.

  • Unsurprised

    Shouting semi dwarf man on double glazing ad. Just odd. Just saw it this morning so it’s still running

  • http://twitter.com/Maxtaro Max C.

  • MOBIUS

    The Gilette tug and pull advert. Apart from the carry on sexual reference, I’ve never heard of a tug and pull shaving problem. But apparently there was and none of us ever noticed. The real icing is the creepy slime ball dwarf who you just want to punch and punch and punch as he runs into a bathroom going “WOO HELLO MATE.”

  • The Ad Hater

    AgeUK – OK, I am NOT against charity in any way but I have seen this bloody advert about 50 fucking times in the last 2 weeks. If I have to hear “Do the cheeky back” or “Do the piggy back” once again, I’m going to go COMPLETELY FUCKING MENTAL!! Not to mention that the advert lasts an ENTIRE MINUTE! Please stop shoving this ad in my face every 10 fucking minutes! It’s the new Directline. In fact I have now seen this ad MORE times than Directline!

  • The Ad Hater

    Vision Express – Fucking annoying kid running around the house screaming NON-STOP for at least 15 seconds! Are you trying to give me a FUCKING HEADACHE?!

    • Renny

      To the ‘Ad Hater’. You have my full support on that one. I would like to batter the bastard kid senseless and give the little shit something to scream about

      • Steph

        Same. Between that and the ‘Go Compare’ advert I will soon have a tiny, worn rubber stump where my mute button once was.

    • Tomjames25

      yeh you get headache then you have to wear glasses to cure it.

  • Lewis

    Nuff said.

    • Chrisd_sims

      Shenis fucking scary.

  • Steph

    a rare serious one from me: the feminax advert. i find it hateful on 2 levels:
    1. random menstruating woman, your boyfriend/husband/whatever laughed and looked at his nails. you responded by launching him out he window. did he really do anything wrong? are you REALLY on that much of a short fuse? i don’t think PMS fully explains the extent of your problems tbh.
    2. the ad is sexist. against women. wait wut? yep. women eh, when they’re on the rag they all become man hating feminazis, don’t they? chill out and have a nice lentil casserole whilst not shaving your legs sweetheart. hurr hurr.

    *steps down from soapbox* ;)

  • Tabasco2152

    Voyage prive– smug bastards.

  • Tabasco2152

    I am having a hard time coping with the Barclays bank adverts and the ‘chummy’ voice over ‘is the squirrel relevant?’ attempt at cosy humour. The one with the escalator ‘managing the switchover’ etc . I am not joking but when that one comes on I feel myself having a facial rictus and my shoulders go level with the top of my head.

  • The Ad Hater

    Lloyds TSB. “We’re giving you the chance to carry the torch.” Who the fuck CARES?! Again with the fucking 2012 Olympics…

  • Char_sears

    Haribo Kiddies Supermix Dancing Karaoke ad. 

    • Oliver Winters

      Just what the hell even is this advert? Its not even shit in a ‘trying to be arty or clever’ way, its just shit – its like someone took an ad from the fifties and tried to work out how they could make it even more awful. This must have been the ad they used in Germany and they just made an English version. And is the song supposed to be famous?

  • The Ad Hater

    The newest Haribo advert with the fucking EAR BLEEDING singing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrGJ0vO_NXs
    WHAT THE FUCK?!

  • Simon

    Harvester! I want to see you destroy this monstrosity.

    Please.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      Done!

  • http://twitter.com/calcioeurope M.B. Mehdi

    The Renault Clio advert featuring Thierry Henry and Rhianna. WTF does that have to do with a car? Thought it was an advert for Sky Sports

  • http://twitter.com/calcioeurope M.B. Mehdi

    Sky – Believe in Better.

    I used to like Victoria Wood until she started the voiceovers for these robbing bastards.

  • http://twitter.com/calcioeurope M.B. Mehdi

    Comedy Central – Scrubs

     

    This guy has the most annoying voice in the world and Scrubs
    is the drizzling shits.

    Comedy Central – Scrubs

     

    This guy has the most annoying voice in the world and Scrubs
    is the drizzling shits.

  • The Ad Hater

    Bakers Meaty Meals – Oh just fucking wonderful! Now they’ve ripped off that famous ending scene from Italian Job. FUCK OFF ADVERTISERS!! Stop being unoriginal twats!

  • Sleigh1972@aol.com

    The haribo advert with the family singing (badly) outside a quaint shop that clearly is some kind of reject from Lark Rise to Candleford. And they can’t sing. But they look happy which is the main thing….not. I can’t bring myself to eat any more haribo and will have to go back to tesco two stripe American hard gums to rip my own gums to shreds in memory of haribo I will no longer consume.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      Not seen that one. Wil look it up. I can’t understand why people eat Haribo. Flavoured rubber.

  • Yolanda Amor

    I absolutely hate, hate, HATE the new Haribo advert for Super mix, cringeworthy family with an even more cringeworthy, cheesy song!! It makes me hit the mute button or turn over tv for a few minutes! Name and Shame

  • Danny Ryan

    The ‘new’ haribo super mix advert currently broadcast on channel five. Has a set of parent with two children, who sing out of tune to an awful song ‘squidgy squidgy baby’ – the advert then ends with the classic haribo music. 

    • Dave

      Couldn’t agree more – haribo supermix advert. STEAMING PILE OF SHIT. I cannot comprehend the fact that someone was paid to cook this utter bollocks up. Like them soft? I’ll like them when they are stiff from rigamortis!!

  • Warble
  • Beelzeebub

    118118 makes my brain explode

  • Andy

    Complete Shite!!!!

  • Rhodus

    I’ve just seen a bloody awful rap style “gadget master” advert vaguely advertising Toyota Yaris. God that was bad…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1648852948 Ben Scalletta Johnson

      its not rubbish you just need a better taste in music

      • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

        What? Novelty rap?

  • Steph

    the febreze advert. why bother to, i don’t know, actually clean your house, when you can just  live in a filthy shit-stained derelict hovel. thanks febreze!

  • DP1979

    The new Toyota vs The Gadget Master rapping adverts. They make my skin itch with rage!

  • Unexpected

    The BMW ad with the two brothers.  ”My brother Adam works with architects”…..what as? The tea-boy I’m betting. Knob.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      yeah. it is truly awful that ‘un

  • Ducky

    I die a little inside everytime the haribo supermix ad is shown :/

  • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

    it’s on the list!

  • Anonymous

    Was this even intentional?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz5NWyO7lBs

  • Michael_tweddle

    The new Haribo super mix advert makes me feel like murdering them all by forcing the sweets up their arses until they explode.  It is absolutely sickening! Sickening!

  • Michael_tweddle

    The new sky plus advert with that silly bitch from some horrible ITV programme, with some sort of Lancashirie accent.

    It is absolutely sickening and should be banned immediately.

  • The Ad Hater

    Staples – Girl 1: “Soph can I borrow your pen?”
    Girl 2: “Yeah, which one? I’ve got a pink one, a green one, a mini one…”
    If it were me, I’d be yelling “I JUST WANTED A FUCKING PEN!! I DON’T BLOODY CARE ABOUT WHAT COLOUR OR TYPE IT IS!!”

  • Wardy

    Skoda – Simply Clever.  

    Simply bollocks more like.  Truly awful.

  • Wardy

    David Lloyd, aka ‘Bumble’.

  • Tom

    WE BUY ANY CAR! FUCK OFF!!!!!   Oh and CarCraft while we’re at it as they’re all calm and happy once they’ve ripped you off twice!

    Agreed with the new Yaris adverts – can your car do thiiiiis?  What, play music and reverse into parking spaces?  Yes, every car on the fucking market can do this, and not look like a blocky piece of shit.  If I actually woke up one day and wanted a French built car laced with Japanese badges for a fake sense of “quality”, my conscience would spring into action, make me pick up my car keys and drive off the nearest cliff.

  • Loumart

    this  made me furious – does anyone know ANYONE who has EVER looked forward to a yoghurt when they get home from work? 

    • Steph

      maybe if the yoghurt was alcoholic like it is in mongolia…

  • ragman

    WKD – blue drink for wankers
    Fosters – lager for simpletons
    Is there nobody with any sense out there buying booze who it’s worth pitching to?

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      I hope someone takes up the ‘lager for simpletons’ strapline

  • The Ad Hater

    “Enriched with L-Bifidus.” Oh, just fuck off with your scientific bullshit, Garnier!

    • Steph

      thing is, i am a scientist and i cannot fathom what on earth the effect of you rubbing bacteria-cream on your skin is supposed to be.

      • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

        But they’re friendly bacteria! Isn’t it obvious? They… friendly!

        • Steph

          not that bloody friendly, they never make the tea or invite you down the pub. in fact they don’t even reply when you talk to them!

  • Steph

    The always advert. ‘Who says protection can’t be beautiful?’ Oh, you’ve drawn some squiggles on a sanny, i’m sure the eyes in my vagina will really appreciate that, ta always.

  • Radgeflaps

    Planitherm

    “it’s a bit like us then” what, arseholes? die.

  • Grwatt

    The Uncle Ben’s express Rice advert – the one where utter cunts have to persuade the rice to leave the fucking microwave really makes wish I was born a cockroach or something less loathsome than a species that could come up with something that distressingly vile. It crushes the human spirit. 

    • Mike Litorus

      Those cunts deserve to die a painful death inside a microwave.

      And as I type this, that fucking bucket-fannied confused.com shite has just come one.  Where’s my fucking chainsaw?

  • Guest

    Ugh, just watch Wonga’s latest abomination. Scary as hell:

    • Steph

      hate it.

  • Rachael

    Homebuyer Man
    http://vimeo.com/24919550
    Like Webuyanycar but much shitter.

    • Hazelfblack

      This one makes me heave. Feel like kicking the annoying git in the danglies. And talking of which why do the cheerleaders look like they have male bits too?

      Bet they are dancing round their office everytime they pay someone a fraction of what their house is worth

  • Grwatt

    I would be rather be repeatedly kicked in the swingers by Jackie Chan than see another one of Colgate’s patronising ads. Especially the one where some grinning buffoon (who wasted his life at some performing arts college to end up doing ads), waves some sort of “sonic screwdriver” in front of passers by (unemployed actors who have shorn themselves of all human dignity) teeth for some primary coloured graphic to appear instantly on a laptop placed handily nearby. I hope everyone involved with this spends the rest of eternity helplessly soiling themselves.

  • Cornz38

    The new glee advert with that whining patronising yank bitch in the blue tracksuit, especially for having the fucking upfront temerity to call us brits neanderthal..
    Wall, slow rusty bullet…..Shrivelled up old yank cunt.

    • steph

      being called a neanderthal by an american is like being called a slut by jordan :/

  • kevin

    the bingo advert with the two erm, fat ladies, attempting to play bongoes in some scummy housing estate. painful to watch, and painful to act, judging by the looks on their faces

  • Toni Tipton

    OMG has anyone seen the latest ad from aviva? sponsoring downton abbey, you see bike going round bend and then you hear the crash, then before programme starts again, you see bike on side…. what the hell are they playing at????
    Surely that’s in such poor taste it should be taken off air

  • hobbiton

    How about that Dr Pepper advert with the stereotypical nerdy kid and that nauseating song ?

    You know the one.

    “Dr Pepper.  What’s the worst that could happen ?”

    Damn that adturd to hell !

  • Grwatt

    A couple of suggestions – Luis Figo Hawking male Hair Dye as if its some kind of strength giving elixir. And Andrew Castle, Britains worst number one tennis player and occaisional tennis partner for Cameron at chequers, chasing ambulances with first 4 lawyers as a grubby means of supplementing his income between fatuous tennis punditry gigs. They both feel like Satan’s scaly black fingernails being scraped slowly down the blackboard of my soul. 

  • mjd

    First Plus Buses.
    That grinning bint who is clearly on day release and the pi$$ poor attempt to make ‘their’ song fit ‘the’ song. I’ll gladly give my last rolo to the person who outwits Keanu and puts a bomb on her bus!

  • The Ad Hater

    Rimmel – “79% of 52 women agree.” Please fuck off until you have a BETTER statistic than that to show! That proves absolutely FUCK ALL!

  • Steph

    yes, because aviva have always had such *tasteful* adverts: http://www.adturds.co.uk/2011/01/paul-whitehouse-dead-dad-aviva-advert.html#comments

  • Gear Grinder

    The Money Supermarket one with the gorillas surely merits some attention. Am I alone in wishing that instead of that scrawny pr**k ‘Dave’ showing them who’s the king of the jungle, they’ll rip his f**king spine out and use it as a toothpick???

  • Radgeflaps

    coco pops advert

    load of bollocks….”and that’s part of the coco pops promise”

    1. what is the coco pops promise?
    2. how does your defined metric achieve that promise?
    3. what quality controls are in place?
    4. your advert is shit and only top class mongs would approve it…oh.

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Ambi Puur: “Isn’t it disappointing when you stop noticing your air freshener?”.  Right, let’s analyse this:
    Disappointing: Adjective, synonym – Disheartening;
    Noticing: Verb, present participle of notice – to observe or take notice of.
    Therefore, to ‘stop noticing’ is to no longer observe or have interest in.  Lack of observation implies apathy toward that which is no longer observed, i.e. lack of interest or emotion.  If one is apathetic toward one’s air freshener, it is unlikely one is going to be disappointed when one no longer notices it.  Q.E.D.

  • BigBen

    Typhoo ad…

    How the hell the ASA can allow any advert starting with Ben Fogle getting splatted in the face with white goop on the tele I don’t know… what the hell are they there for??  Surely that should be within the top 3 of their key tasks; can’t think of the other 2 right now – any suggestions?

  • BadAdHater

    I hate the eharmony advert about supposed member “Charlotte”. I find it particularly terrible, due to her shaking her head side to side, which would normally indicate a negative response to a question she was answering emphatically “yes” too. Then again maybe it was a subliminal message not to use them! How could their marketing department let that out though??

  • Grwatt

    I agree with Gear Grinder – the money supermarket ad with the mountain gorillas is wrong on so many levels but the one i find most troubling is that it seems to be suggesting that Dave “who is so money supermarket”: which is being pushed as a good quality, seems to be moments away from indulging in a bit of a primate threesome. To be fair – if the fey little tosspot was roughly spit roasted by the two gorillas I would laugh. Forever.

    • Steph

      isn’t it a blatant rip off of that scene in ‘Ace Venture- hen nature calls’ anyway? rich down to the music choice. i hope they get sued up the arsehole.

    • Mark

      I hate all those money supermarket ads; contrived efforts at humour that don’t come off. 

      The confused.com ads depress the arse off me too; not content with ripping off Glee, which rips off everyone else, the crazy haired leader of the ads even sings the word ‘glee’ in the latest ad. 

      Paying tribute to Glee is tantamount to paying tribute to Steps, who made a career out of karaoke singing (of the worst quality imaginable).

  • The Ad Hater

    Freeview – I HATE that fucking squirrel! The way he goes “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” for like 20 seconds non-stop seriously annoys the hell out of me. Plus, I fucking hate Rugby so I don’t give a shit about recording that!

  • Djlloyd45

    I said something similar (but admittedly less wordy) to the missus, possibly more related to having more important things to worry about than the air freshener.  She said ‘I’m disappointed when I stop noticing it.’  This leads me to believe that we just don’t understand how disappointing it can be.

  • omn0

    The new Halifax advert-

    If the Isa Isa one was the worst thing in the world- then this is a notch below.

  • Grwatt

    The current Clearasil ad is really twisting my nipples. “InvisAskin Technology”, really! “The science of looking awesome”, c’mon how fucking retarded do you believe us to be? Very it would appear. Invisaskin, if you really had invisible skin you wouldn’t look like a teen boyband member but George A. Romero’s favourite actor. The science of looking awesome – i’m guessing that this “science” isn’t based on any peer reviewed work, perhaps by Professor Brian Cox or Stephen Hawking. I may just have to give up watching TV before my spleen erupts.

  • The Ad Hater

    I was watching VIVA the other night and I saw this ad for an iPhone app called iCondom. After seeing that, I thought “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!”

  • The Ad Hater

    Oh for fuck sake, first Halifax ruin a bunch of songs and now Cadbury’s latest ad completely RUINS “The Final Countdown” with fucking ATROCIOUS singing! What is it with ads fucking up classic songs?!

    • Steph

      not gonna lie, the final countdown one freaks me the fuck out.

  • Shit Telly

    Those army adverts that often crop up on the radio really piss me off… “Hey you? Yes you, I need you here with me driving!!”

    Tell you what suck my dick an i’ll think about it, otherwise fuck off and stop cramming my ears with your perilous shit!!

  • The Ad Hater

    Volkswagen Think Blue – This advert is fucking pointless! Not only do they use a shit cover of Beach Boys’ “Wouldn’t it be nice?” but they show cars that don’t even fucking EXIST! First they show us something called XL1 which would do 313mpg but the small print on the screen says “Concept car.” Well no fucking shit Sherlock! Would anyone REALLY be stupid enough to think that is even possible now? Next they show us something called Golf Blue e-Motion which is supposed to be some electric car but the small print reads “Anticipated introduction post 2013.” So you show us a car that doesn’t exist and then a car that doesn’t come out for another 2 FUCKING YEARS?! What a shit useless advert this really is!

  • TMonkey

    Voyage Prive! What a load of cack.  I just want to give those smug gits a suckerpunch and wipe that smile off their faces!

    Also the achica.com advert.  Hmmm… A ‘Members Only’ club that’s free to join eh? Why have a membership when no one pays? It’s to give idiots an idea of exclusivity that doesn’t really exist.  I could go on …. and on….. and on….

  • The Ad Hater

    The new Toys R Us Christmas advert. What the fuck have they done to it?! “I don’t wanna grow up, I wanna be a Toys R Us Kid… Kid… Kid… Kid.” Why the fuck did they change the theme tune? BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL THEME! They used it in 2010 so why change it now? Way to ruin my childhood you TWATS!

  • http://twitter.com/booksintweets Books in tweets
  • Steph

    the mudderfuggin corsodyl ‘tainted love’ advert. Why the fuck would a woman who is clearly quite dedicated to vanity, with her false eyelashes, makeup, heels etc neglect her tooth (but just the one tooth, mind, the rest are perfect) to the point where it falls out and she needs partial dentures? has she never heard of dental implants? what did she have against that one tooth? so many questions unanswered. deeply unsatisfying.

  • Ian Potterton

    The new Halfords advert. The one with the girl screaming pretty much all the way through. Like several other adverts at the moment, it seems that advertisers have decided that showing annoying little kids screeching at the top of their lungs is going to make people want to buy their products.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

      This type of adverting has an adverse (no pun intended) on me. I would be expecting to see a load of noisy brats running around halfords…so i wont go there anymore.

  • Jim

    I’ve just seen a Colemans gravy advert were a bull comes out of the gravy boat and starts dancing to the Bodyrockers.

    I’m never going to touch gravy again.

    • Andrewjack31

      There is something totally morbid about this advert I seriously doubt any cow that realised he was about to be slaughtered, carved up and his juices used to make a gravy paste would be happy, singing and dancing about it.

      • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown
      • Mark

        On the other hand, the anchor cow ads are pretty good, the ones with real cows partying etc.; I love the bit at the end of the most recent one with the four cows on stage dressed as the Village People.

        I hate the patronising voiceover for the British Gas and Wickes ads, and the annoying voiceover for the DFS ads. 

        Some radio ads as well, the standout one is for BMI where this silly tart begins raising her volume because she’s excited about the special deals, then tells the listener “it won’t happen again” which is a lie as the woman did and said this in their previous ad. News for you BMI, your ad is spectacularly unfunny.

        Another airline ad that bugs me is the one for Virgin; there are some impressive visuals but the bit at the end where these trolly dollies look up and see one of their own flying, and one says to another “Is that Linda?” After that you can almost feel the tumbleweed brushing past you as you wait for the non-existent punchline; again, not remotely amusing.

  • The Ad Hater

    Colman’s Beef Gravy – Just… what… the… FUCK?!

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      Done: http://www.adturds.co.uk/2011/10/colmans-gravy-advert-dead-dancing-cow-juice.html

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

    Stephen merchants voice …what a twat.

    • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

      In the words of the irrepressible Father Jack Hackett – “How did that gobshite get on the telly?”.  I used to quite like Merchant, but since he’s been doing those godawful Barclays ads, his smug, self-satisfied, sanctimonious voice has slowly been drilling into my brain like fingernails down a blackboard, slowly turning me mad.  How I hate his faux jaunty (and yet still monotonous) voice, blithering on about pathetic (and somewhat misconceived) metaphors.  I don’t care if it fucking represents a mortgage,  savings bonds etc. etc. Stephen…Just fuck off.  Get off of my telly.  There is such a thing as overexposure you know.  And no, my gran isn’t loving it.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

        HA HA…….love it mate you did all the hard work for me……and quoting jack hackett put the whole thing into the right perspective…cheers.

  • Rhogarth2162

    Farmfoods – fuck that

  • Rhogarth2162

    Colmans Beef Gravy. What has this got to do with a gravy bull that jumps out of the gravy boat and starts singing and dancing I like the way you move. If I poured hot gravy over the twat who invented this ad then I’d like the way you moved. Bastards.

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Wowcher.

    Just…why?

  • Helen

    Wowcher. Enough said.

  • helen-jayne

    colmans gravy paste advert is horrible. A gravy covered bull prancing around on a dining table then diving into gravy boat. To the words “I like the way you Moo”. If people like the way cow’s moo – why put them in a gravy boat. By the way I’m NOT vegetarian but cannot see the appeal of this advert at all!

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

      Done!

  • Mark Monks

    Have to suggest the CreditExperian ‘speed dating’ advert. Possibly the worst advertising tactic ever conceived of in apparent use here as they take 30 seconds to insult their potential customers. Also, look at their youtube channel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J72eOjh1gPM) and check out their (creditgeeks) unwillingness to accept what is an overwhelmingly negative response.

  • The Ad Hater

    Littlewoods – The worst fucking excuse of a Christmas advert I have EVER seen. It features kids singing HORRIBLY and then the rapping starts which made me fucking CRINGE! “Who put an Xbox under the tree?” Surely that kid is far too young for an Xbox. Also, it is going to piss off young kids who BELIEVE in Father Christmas. When they say that advert, they wil be very UPSET because Littlewoods tells them that their Mother buys the presents. Fuck off Littlewoods! I will never buy anything from these cunts. Anyone who pays monthly with these people are complete IDIOTS as their products are OVERPRICED! An Xbox from them costs £249! I mean they can fuck off if they expect anyone to pay that much!

  • Steph

    the new littlewoods christmas advert. A nauseating festive extravaganza, with children praising their ‘lavley mavver’ for getting in a buttload of debt with littlewoods. you hear that mothers? if you don’t buy the right piece of overpriced electrical tat for uncle tom, you will have ruined christmas and your kids will hate you and not sing about you at the school play. yes YOU, you hag.

  • Idon’tbelieveitetc

    Those anal-recoil-provoking adverts for Sensodyne, and their Central Casting policy of using former Spanish Villa timeshare / double-glazing salesmen as alleged dental technicians, chiefly by putting them in white coats, spraying skin with bisto and teeth with neat sulphuric acid, the fumes from the latter clearly affecting the cameraman’s ability to hold the Effing camera level and steady. This advert soooo needs spoofing by a major comedian in the vain hope that they’ll Make It Stop….

    ….along with all output from Iceland (that’s why brainless nutritionophobes come), Gillette (how many chisel-jawed twats does it take), all hyper-APR loan sharks, and Go Fuckoff insurance comparison site. Yes and Uncle Ben’s Boil in the Bog Dubbing

  • Ben

    Rosetta Stone advert

    “What are you doing?”

    “I’m closing down all my porn links very quickly my little lotus flowe”

  • http://www.vancompare.com/chuckles/chuckle-brothers-help-make-cheap-van-insurance-a-wheeze Greg Huston
  • Silentreverie4

    I suggest that vile Rosetta Stone advert, if it’s not already been done. You know the one I mean. “I’m learning Japanese, my lotus flower”. Yeah, that one.

  • Joe

    Any Colmans advert. All their products seem to be aimed at a retard who has the gastronomic flair of an industrial cleaning supervisor.

    They make dining sound like the feeding of waste disposal machine, ‘ere you go, sprinkle this crap over the top of it to make it really tasty.

  • Teelda

    Uncle Bens express rice.
    Talk to the microwave to open it because ‘… it won’t come out unless you tell it you know it has no artificial colours or preservatives…’

    WhaT?! How does that little gem of a punchline make you want to go buy the product?

  • Belinda

    The woman in the Ford Focus advert has a voice that is so irritating, smug and patronising that I have to turn the radio down everytime it comes on. I’m not usually a violent person but there’s something about that voice that makes me want to tip a bucket of shit over her – I bet she’d “feel the difference” then.

  • KingBurger

    What the hell has happened to the once fairly with it McD’s?
    They used to make inoffensive adverts, that made you want to hunt down a ‘two all-beef-flaps-n-rse-patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun’ a la Big Mc, now it’s eco this, local farmers that.
    Who are they trying to kid about the quality of their grub?

    The lastest one of the chap walking down the street, whilst he sidesteps other pedestrians, singing a song on his way to his local mcDs to order himself a BigMuk.

    Is it just me, or would others want to deck the schlep whose sole focus is to get himself a burger whilst being content with life, acting all good natured towards his fellow town residents.
    By jolly, I think I shall partake in a griddled beef sandwich, yes rather.

  • Really? That’s bullshit.

    The ladylucks mobile casino ad features a man pretending to be ill in the doctor’s waiting room whilst spending his benefits online gambling and a woman who is clearly inebriated wiping a takeaway over her face spending money she will regret in the morning. Hardly responsible advertising, spend loads of money whilst pissed up eating a kebab.  I know this is their target audience, but still.  Try to have a little class?

  • Santa Clause

    Littlewoods.com Christmas 2011

    No mention of Daddy.. worse than that THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL SANTA !!!

    • Steph

      ha. as if any of these kids know who their daddy is.

  • Flowerburger

    Pam and Vern from the “Planitherm.com” advert. Its a nausiating crock of shit, and the acting is about the standard of a really bad Am Dram panto.

  • I love spurious debt

    BrightHouse.  Fuck right off.

  • Bigborat

    Curry’s/PC World, starring Darth Vader. Why????

  • MissTrish

    Adturd that f***ing new Argos christmas ad with the family of blue alien puppets!!!! It’s been on countless times since lunchtime today! The mum (I assume) is mid to late 30′s and after her Daughter refer’s to Justin beiber’s popularity as a conundrum she mutters  “Mmmmm…..Beiber! ” Surely that’s paedophilia of some sort (even if it an unfunny joke) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2d9uuDSCEI <<&lt; "Enjoy"

    • Ruth_cope194

      Totally agree miss trish. Think it’s Caroline quentins voice! I’m 34 and find it disturbing!!! My daughter is 14 and she also thinks it’s vile!!! Oooohhhh bieber!!!! Pathetic!!!!

  • Clarechristo

    audi a6 add with the metal humming bird and and the annoying wartime german song near our rememberance day is a bloody disgrace just because they have the money to make long adverts why do we have to put up with tidious boring shite. and the smartass bloke with feltips n shit surf song volkswagen advert that goes on for a week!! what a load of bollockin bollocks!!!!.

  • F_o_o_k_y_u

    the new argos advert with the aliens is just so creepy and makes me think that shopping at argos is for morons as the advert was clearly made my morons. atleast try and make your customers look like decent PEOPLE if you are trying to attract more of them!

  • MissTrish

    Argh!!!! George Clooney hawking ‘Nespresso’ coffee machines/pods.. fuck off you f***ing smarmy bastard!

    • tom

      Wasnt he the guy who invented the strap-on mirror?…Smarmy..hehe….that word says a lot.

  • Flowerburger

    The new Carte Noir coffee ads! Which seem to portray women as a bunch of moaning bitches who are only interested in handbags, shoes, and making thier boyfriends put kitchen implements in the right place. Stereotypical much?

  • tom

    curries pc world….ungrateful….tw*ts….to think of all the people who died in wars, for these a**holes.(this is the christmas advert)….all i got for xmaswas a shiny penny and an orange….but i was grateful.

  • Guest

    Please please please could you destroy the new Carte Noire ads!!!?!!!

  • Guest

    Argos do it again.
    Father – is this boredom?
    Mother (should say) – Yes, you’ve been watching too many feckin’ Argos adverts.

    I mean, Jesus, did the Argos marketing guys really think that was the best they could come up with. I’d enjoy just looking at the word Argos on the screen for the twenty seconds of my life I’d have to lose not to watch those alien things gyrating like they’ve been plugged in to a third world power supply.

  • Guest

    I agree with FlowerBurger – Carte Noir? Carte Blanche to fill my house with utter crap more like. They should be Carte Rouged !

  • Grwatt

    The J20 Glitterberry ad is so self evidently, loathsomely hideous that a frenetic, splenetic vitriolic rant seems almost redundant. Still i hope the grinning twat is pitilessly beaten with sticks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/steph.smith86 Steph Smith

      god, i even read that in his voice. seriously, there’s so many ways to market this product to easily amused women who will drink something because it glitters (yeah, guilty…but to be fair, it does taste pretty good). why on earth did they go with this?

      • Grwatt

        It is an utterly baffling ad – it appears to suggest you have be an insane, vaguely camp twat with a voice you wouldn’t want to hear in hell to drink the stuff. A pretty niche demographic. 

  • hoss

    Sliders, that’s how we roll ere. That fucking wonga advert with the wrinkly old stupid wobbly faced fucking rubber fucking puppets. “Its earls turn on the music machine…earl turn it off! Whenever i see this i want to do a bad imitation and then scream WHO THE FUCK CARES and burn my TV, and the now its a truck, now its a mother fucking robot, and the this human idea of shopping does my head in. WHY DO FUCKING ALIENS TALK WITH A LONDON ACCENT!? This argos adverts makes me gag.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsyclOvuWl4

  • Anonymous

    Can we have all comments without resorting to the f word?

  • Anonymous Author

    Cabin crew reveal their fun holiday spirit for Nectar and easyJet on London Underground

  • Adnonemouse

    I know i hasn’t been on for a while, but just thinking about those 30 minute wonder adverts with Kirsty ” can I be any more smug about how wonderfully smug I am” Alsopp are one of the few adverts that having watched I felt the bile creep up my throat. Sheer Tosh. I can’t even remember what brand it was advertising, some washing powder of some kind. Urgh

  • The Ad Hater

    Every fucking fragrance ad! I know it’s Christmas and people would be buying this shit but for fuck sake, must they have one every 5 fucking seconds?! ARGH!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Wright/502828015 Daniel Wright

      Also, why they insist on raping good music for it, like Gucci and Hugo Boss where they used Depeche Mode and Massive Attack. While I’m here, why they bother with ‘for men, for women’. I’m not a fucking goldfish, I know it’s for men as it’s a man on the telly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1048364143 Jim Rowson

    Where to even start with this ad…

    Everything about it makes me feel like I’ve eaten too many sweets (not in a ‘fun’, Jo Brand “chocolate is better than sex way” either!). 

    • Steph

      why is she wearing lurid pink incontinence pants? that’s what i want to know. it feels wrong to even witness this.

  • digger

    the advert most likely to make me vomit bile over the entire living room is the coke Christmas ad the one with the trucks, it been trotted out for over 10 years. i want to know how many more cocka cola related killings do we have to put up with this year. its  more dangerous than swine flu

     

  • Grwatt

    Kevin Spacey  -”sometimes I’m the insufferable corporate whore guy”

  • Anonymous

    Confused.com have done a Nectar points advert, and neither the song choice, the style or the boob obsessions have changed… 

    • Steph

      i would also like to draw attention to the fact she says ‘this will *FILL YOU*…with glee!’ as she pulls the card from her vajayjay.

  • TK

    The “Lynx 2012″ advert cashing in on end-of-the-world paranoia by saying “we’re all going to die, but if you use our overpriced deodorant, at least you should get a shag first!”

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    DFS – Don’t presume to tell me what I come to your stores for.  I don’t come to your stores for discounts…I don’t come to your stores for comfort or to relax…I certainly don’t come to your stores for your shitty sofas…I don’t come to your stores for…well, I just don’t come to your stores – You can take your sofas and shove them right up your arseholes…Sideways.

  • radgeflaps

    any of the Seriously Strong Cheddar adverts.

    Case in point number 1: Man rings his wife, clearly (in their world) important, and she lacks the basic brainpower not to be completely distracted into a bizarre fantasy (involving a hay barn and a milk farmer free of STD’s) not to end up totally speechless at a dairy product.

    Number two: scene – a dinner party. cheese down, goes to get coffee. a whole room of smug academic professionals and people who own independent shops specialising in free range and ethically sourced merkins are also rendered speechless.

    the adverts are obviously trying to give the impression the cheese is amazing.

    the actual impression is that the cheese is bollocks and only arseholes eat it.

    merry christmas.

  • Grumpydrawers

    How about the dull Twat(s) from the ad agency who decided on the music for the Comet adverts, presumably working on the notion that using so bad a tune would make it Memorable and hence induce Pavolovian desires in the population to head straight to their stores. Instead of which their client’s sales, like their adverts, are Porcelain-bound…

    • Dfallow

      Haha yeah that tune pisses me right off!!!

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Here’s a link to a suitably cynical Christmas advertising song by the fantastic Adam Buxton, which I’ve just stumbled across (better late than never).  Enjoy!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtspNJIZUIs

  • Dfallow

    I’d like to suggest the new advert for ford keyless entry fiesta. Not that there’s anything particularly annoying about the ad itself, I just feel that the concept is flawed. The whole selling point of it appears to be that ford have solved the problem of your car keys “playing hide and seek” and features various clips of people frantically searching for their keys before a smug fiesta owner opens and starts her car with her handbag. The tag line at this point is, “you only have to know that they’re in there”. Well…. If you know that they’re in there, your keys aren’t lost!!! Therefore ford have solved NOTHING! If you lose your keys anywhere other than in your handbag, or presumably pocket for men, the keyless entry system has done you no favours whatsoever. So the next time I spend ages searching for my keys, only to find them in my pocket, I’ll curse my luck for not having a keyless entry fiesta!

  • Steph

    the new cheerios advert. not content with already inflicting the ‘oh? OOOOH! ohhh’ ‘worlds least-convincing faked orgasm’-style advert on us last year, now -dear god-  it seems they have acquired the most insufferable of all the insufferable little shits from the littlewoods christmas advert, and then sent her on an intensive ‘assertiveness for cockheads’ course run by the birdseye polar bear. begone from me hellspawn, you shan’t bully me into buying bland cereal hoops! *sprinkles holy water*

  • The Ad Hater

    Lovefilm Instant – For fuck sake, I’ve seen this advert like SEVEN times today! I don’t care about the shit films you have to offer. Hangover and the Dark Knight? What the fuck?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Wright/502828015 Daniel Wright

    The Toyota ones, specifically the first one with some stereotypical rapper, with a rap that drags out the message that their car does a lot of things. I FUCKING GET IT, I DON’T NEED SOME SHITTY CARTOON RAPPING IT AT ME. It’s not innovative, it’s not entertaining, it’s simply shit and offensive to rap musicians, and anyone with ears. “Here comes the gadget master, got a machine that makes pasta, how useful is that?” I hope the people who made that choke.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Wright/502828015 Daniel Wright

    While I’m here, there’s also a new Pantene shit-pile that’s a couple of minutes long, talking about how doctors and scientists (from NASA of all companies) went through all this shit just to flog us a hair product that doesn’t give me split ends. This goes for all of them where they try and invoke science into their adverts, to ‘explain’ how it works, including Colgate and their ‘Pro-Argin’ formula. The whole lot of them can fuck off.

    • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

      I seen this this twice now, but it’s not just for Pantenne…They have done it for Oral B too, under the banner of ‘The Science behind the beauty’ or some soapy tit-wank like that.
      Now, at first I was all ready to vent some poison regarding this on Adturds, but then I got to thinking about it a bit more.  I couldn’t decide whether this was actually a bit of post-modern irony, or if it is just another dreary load of bollocks in the same vein as Colgate’s Pro-Argen wank.
      If it’s the former, then fair play to them (although any irony is probably more of a ‘happy accident’ on the part of the advertisers…I really don’t thing they could be intelligent or brave enough to think that deeply into it)…But I rather think that the latter is more likely.  I just can’t decide.
      All the sterotypes are there – spoon feed a load pseudo scientific non-phrases dumbed down for the lowest common denominator, ‘interviews’ with supposed laboratory scientists (actors), etc…But then there are brief moments of…well, not genius, obviously…but perhaps a little more thought than the usual bunch of cosmetics dross.
      For example, the woman…now she’s supposed to look intelligent so we can’t make her too attractive (hatchet face?), and let’s put some spectacles on her to enhance the effect, but let’s (and here’s the clever bit) let’s make her blonde, just to try to bust the dumb blonde sterotype and fuck with our minds.
      Then there’s the ‘scientist’.  Now, I don’t mean to be judgmental, but I doubt he got a first in chemistry at Cambridge (the vacant expression and underbite tend to give this away).
      But the piece de resistance is the text that comes up at the bottom of the screen (you know, the bit where Wonga usually put their 4998% APR in tiny writing) which says: “This is an advertisement”.  You couldn’t make it up…really, you couldn’t!  Is this irony?  Is it stupidity?  Is it art?  I just don’t know.  So I am completely flummoxed by these adverts.  I don’t know whether to accept and embrace it and give it a begrudging wink for it’s audacity, or to hate it with every fibre of my being…I’ll probably end up hating it, like I do everything else.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Wright/502828015 Daniel Wright

        Perfect. Simply word perfect taking apart of these shitty ads.

    • The Ad Hater

      Institute of Trichologists? Oh, just fuck right off!

  • Garthsophie

    ING DIRECT advert “donkey and the mole” – what a load of nonsense. The moral of the story is nobody wants their time wasted…..so don’t watch the advert

    • Garthsophie

      they’ve changed the punch line – must of realised it was dross

  • ragman

    Not so much an advert as an entire campaign (what’s bigger than a campaign?  a war?) that merits mention in my view based on its incomprehensible shitness is Red Bull.  For as long as I can remember they’ve been churning out these charmless cartoons which are presumably supposed to be funny (can’t ever remember so much as smiling) with a tag line (gives you wings) which also isn’t funny, doesn’t make much sense (bulls don’t have wings; not even their logo) and only really loosely ties to their product (wings = shakes?)  What makes it incomprehensible in my eyes is that they can self-evidently afford to have a new campaign, or even 5 new campaigns.  They’re pouring money into backing the coolest events and sports out there (F1, Flugtag, MBX, driving vehicles across deserts off cliffs into oceans etc etc) and they can’t use any of that to replace the fecking cartoons?  Did they give the cartoonist the world’s longest contract or something?

    • Mark

      Hallelujah, I wondered whether there was someone else on the planet who hates the red bull ads as much as I do, neither clever nor funny. If there is one series of ads that alienates me from buying their product (besides the irritating singing and dancing T mobile ads) it’s these.

  • Grwatt

    This is a pretty obvious one – Weight-Watchers! The reasons why everyone involved should be put in canons and fired into brick walls are legion but the semantic quirk that pisses me off most is the line used in all the current ads about “playing” Weight-Watchers! Since when do you fucking “play” Weight-Watchers? I thought you joined the hateful organisation then ate cardboard until you stop hating yourself. Or until you reach a weight that makes you want to buy more clothes. I’m off to play Alcoholics Anonymous. Contemptible tossers  - as if preying on and profiteering from people with self esteem problems wasn’t evil enough they are now toying with our lovely language.   

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Oi! J-Lo!  I don’t care if your rock is shining…Just get back in your Fiat and jog-on!

    • Steph

      the only thing that should be shining is my face, with glee, as i *throw* rocks at her and her shite tincan fiat.

  • Nick B

    Not so much an ad turd (even though special k is annoying) but excellent tv buying from aldi

    http://www.dirtyfeed.org/2012/01/best-ad-placement-ever/

  • Increasingly Unhinged

    I’ve been increasingly infuriated by the fuckers blowing on Heinz tomato soup to a tune that is so blindingly obvious that I can’t remember it, even though it still happens to be looping around and around and around and around in my head from watching the advert almost an hour ago.  Fuck you Heinz.  And PG Tips too for Johnny Vegas’ and the cloth-eared monkey slurping on their tea.  What next?  A McDonalds advert with some chav stuffing an entire Big Mac into his head and failing to close his mouth as lumps of iceberg lettuce and a gherkin dribble out onto the head of his girlfriend in mid-blowjob?  Here Heinz, I have an advert for you:
    Jedward are enjoying a bowl of soup with the creators and cast of Made in Chelsea, every single Big Brother contestant ever, The Only Way is Essex creators and cast, the Go Compare fat fucker, the 118 118 tossers, and the Fusion ProGlide Challenge cunt.  They’re all suddenly joined by the creators of the stupid Halifax adverts (all of them), the Haribo advert (all of them too), and a large crowd of advertising ‘creatives’ who have been told there’s free cocaine and chardonnay for all.  We hear ‘Here come the girls’ playing over a tannoy in a post-apocalyptic trading estate, and all of a sudden everyone is gunned down in a hail of bullets.  Paul Whitehouse walks through in silence giving them all a finishing double-tap to the head, just to make sure, and then shoots out the tannoy before taking a sip of carrot and coriander soup, placing the gun in his mouth and blowing a hole through the to the back of his head.  Scene ends to blackout and caption: ‘Thanks to Heinz, everyone was harmed in the making of this advertisement and may they all rot.  Now, enjoy your soup in peace.’ 

  • robcat

    The McDonalds A-Z ones give me fucking brainache. If they do insist on foisting their artery-clogging pap into fat people’s mouths, they should at least be honest about it.

    Showing all these shots of lovely farmers on tractors and happy brainwashed kids digging up potatoes (cunningly cutting around the moments when they use the spuds to catch their bogies) isn’t just spin, it’s disingenuous bollocks of the most transparent kind, and trying to paint their community-destroying deathsnacks as this wonderful smiley harmless British institution is downright insulting. It’s like giving Rose West a facelift and renaming her “Catherine Pennie, lover of cats.” No matter how gorgeous they make her, or how friendly they insist she is now, she’s still a sinister sandpit-digging vessel for evil.

    • robcat

      Dear me, I sound genuinely angry here, don’t I? Tongue firmly in cheek…

      • Anonymous

        You are completely correct though, I’ve yet to see one McDonald’s advert that didn’t fill my mind with a load of irrelevant pap to take attention away from the fact that I’m buying a reconstitued excuse for a burger. Like the one where the bloke is singing and walking down the street?

        A good 80% of that advert doesn’t even feature McDonalds, a disingenuous tactic to make me disregard the horrible food I’m buying, which is why I boycott them.

  • Barryhgh223

    Do Goats like fried eggs??

  • The Ad Hater

    Andrex Washlets – Dear God, this has to be the WORST advert of 2012 so far! The ad goes on for over THREE MINUTES! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T044uen3eg

  • Clare Shepherd

    The ‘isme.com’ ad on the BT email pages. If you inadvertantly drag your mouse over it…it widens out and off it goes and continues with the awful talk until its finished, even if you click on ‘close’ -the video disappears but the horrible horrible talking continues to the end. YUK

  • Barryhgh223

    Can somebody PLEASE HELP!. Do Goats like fried eggs!!

    • Mark

      Yep, they friggin love em’.

      • Barryhgh223

        Thank god for that, they were getting fed up with poached.

  • The Ad Hater

    I just saw two more of these “episodes” of the Andrex Washlets adverts. I fucking hate them! If that girl came up to me asking how I wipe my arse, I’d PUNCH her in the face and yell “NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!”

  • The Ad Hater

    Swift Fucking Cover – Forget the Iggy Pop ads, the latest ones with the creepy disturbing dogs are fucking HORRIBLE! I have to mute the TV everytime any of them come on.

  • Mark

    It’s been a while now, but the Thomas Cook ad with Jamie and Louise Redknapp, and her inability to say the word ‘it’ correctly. What’s with the silent t? Thick tart.

  • Mark

    And the ad for caffeine shampoo!! So when you’re asleep at night your hair will be partying until dawn? Seriously, who gives a shit about it’s added ingredient? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=263100149 William Organ

    The Direct Line Sale Ad.

    I continually try and find this ad whenever it comes on so I can bitch about it on Facebook, but no one seems to be talking about it anywhere on the net! Shocking!
    The ad features a couple with put on strong accents where she keeps on talking about how she told her husband about a “sayooooooool”. May that frizzy haired bitch be struck by lightning.

  • karin

    New BT ‘stoodents’ advert, esp the mumbling girl in it who looks like Veruca Salt from the first Willy Wonka film and is eleventy million times more annoying especially bragging about vetinary practice, such a smug bitch

    • Anonymous

      Was going to say this myself. I hate how the usually uninformed, uneducated students all know about the range and strength of a BT wireless home hub, or whatever gobbledegook they call it.

  • Stupid Ads.

    The poxy direct line insurance ad’s. If they spent less on advertising, their bloody premiums would not be so high. “We are not on price comparison web-sites”, no wonder, then everyone would see how expensive you are against other insurance companies. Idiots.

    • Steph

      exactly- to me, this just makes me suspicious that they want you to call so they can give you the hard sell.

  • Steph

    A general advertising rant, rather than a specific advert: 

    Dear spotify, I refuse to purchase any product that supports the practice of pausing the advert every time I press mute rather than leaving them running in the background, thus actually forcing me to listen to them. Did you really think this ‘gun to the head’ approach would put me in the right mindset to be receptive to you trying to sell me shit? I understand that free spotify relies on adverts, but this is a massive own goal, because now I just turn it down as far as it will go and make a cup of tea. One-nil, spotify ads.

    • Kerryhj222222

      That bitch in the B.T. ads needs a good butt shunting. That will take the fucking smile off her bitch face.

  • Hgtr6767

    that annoying student girl in the bt “student pad”advert!It looks like her eyes are gonna pop out!

  • Anonymous

    More irksome than just plain shit – that Virgin one about the TiVo service, and the ponce in it – “we think it’s the best way to watch telly”. Of course you do, you’re being paid a large sum of money to “think” that way. Then, as if to try and tempt you, the little bit at the end where his voice trails off: “There’s more online…” So bloody what? Nobody gives a damn. Maybe they should stop the TV service cutting out so much rather than trying to sell us more things we don’t need.

  • Mark

    Wowcher! Enough said.

  • Mark

    the ads for holidaying in California make me wish that I could nuke the place if those people are residing there. How many of these nobodies are celebrities? I know the old lady at the end of the ad (Betty White) but the others are probably known in California and nowhere else, or maybe I lead a sheltered life (setting myself up for a fall I fear :-S).

    Twatsville would be a more apt name for the place. I’m sure California is fine if you remove the arseholes, but there appear to be an abundance of them if the ad is anything to go by, and this is where impressions are formed.

  • Mark

    I see that Moneysupermarket are of the mistaken belief that ‘Brian’ is so popular that they’ve annexed on a new short ad. Now the fat, ugly troll strolls through a casino in his underpants, slurping an ice cream. He wasn’t funny the first time. I’d bang his t.v. missus into the middle of next week though.

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Smug bitch enjoying coffee ‘al fresco’ says: “CostaBucks”
    Smug turd at a desk in his office (who clearly thinks it’s the head of CTU’s office from TVs ‘24’): “Cooper’s Creosote.”
    Smug and sexually frustrated, bored, middle-class housewife in stylised kitchen: “Chocolate Starfish”
    Smug, weird looking bird walking towards camera down some generic Mediterranean boulevard: “Tampafresh”
    Doesn’t make much sense, does it?  Naming all these well known, household brands for no apparent reason, whilst staring down the lens of a camera.  It’s meaningless.  So why the Christing fuck would Voyage fucking Prive do it?  Say ‘Voyage Prive’ one hundred times…say it fifty times, or only ten, it becomes meaningless (actually it was meaningless on first utterance).  Why would this bunch of smug arsehole twats think that was going to make me want to book a holiday with them?  It’s a shit and lazy advertising strategy.  They’re smug and they’re dead behind the eyes.
    Also, what’s that written on Smug Turd’s mug? (His coffee mug that is, not his stupid fucking smug ugly ‘smugly’ shit eating “mmm turd sandwich” fuck me I’m stupid, smugly spastic, smug face).  It looks like ‘I love origami’ to me.  WTF?

  • Kill your television

    How about those new jobsite adverts ?  I can’t stand that patronising tosser who makes a point of saying if you apply for jobs via our site you will get a job that is automatically better than your previous one instantly !  Fuck off you lying wanker !

    • Steph

      ‘It’s monday; i know why you’re pissed off, it’s because you hate your job! [i may be paraphrasing somewhat]. Get a new one on jobsite!’ No you wanker, I could be an astronaut or a giraffe whisperer or a taster for krispy kreme or any number of awesome jobs – the fact remains that when that alarm goes off at 6am Monday morning, I will automatically feel the kind of rage more appropriate for a polar bear that’s taken a paintball shot to the nuts.

      and you can’t just ‘decide’ to be an endocrinologist, dickhead.

  • The Ad Hater

    Royal Navy – I hate this fucking ANNOYING excuse of an advert! The word ‘kit’ is said 23 FUCKING TIMES throughout the ad! Does this make me want to join the Royal Navy? FUCK NO!!

  • Lordbebi

    I’ve got two that have recently reared their ugly demonic heads.

    The fucking saniflo advert, with the music in the background and their piss poor attempt to make it fit the product name.

    Rubbish(er) new swiftcover ad. Talking dogs in a car. Clearly a reference to the genius that is funky pigeon.

    • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

      Sani-sani-flo, Sani-sani-flo, sani-sani-sani-sani-sani-sani-flo!
      Right.  I’ve got two issues with this advert…
      First: ”Will it work in the basement?  Yes, you can have a kitchen in the basement!”.  Why the shipping tits would I want a kitchen in the basement?  Not exactly convenient for taking food through to the dining room, is it?  “Anyone for gravy?  Oh, I’ll have to make some more upstairs, ‘cos the last lot is dribbled up the stairs!”.
      Second: more generally…Adverts where they dub the actors voices.  Now I can almost understand this if the advert was originally shot in a foreign language, and the company is too cheap to get a UK version re-shot, but when it’s quite clear that the actors are already speaking English, but there are voices dubbed over the top that are so out of sync with the actors, just what is the fucking point?  If they don’t like the voices of the actors they have hired, then don’t use them, find someone who fits your perfect “gorgeous” idealistic person (not that either are in this ad).  Conversely, do the voice actors they hire have faces like a bag of spanners?  Surely they can’t be that ugly, and even if they are, so what?

      • JBWilliams1991

         It’s because the original ad was American, and advertisers in their infinite wisdom feel a culturally irrelevant ad with out-of-synch horribly dubbed English accents will elicit a better response than a culturally irrelevant ad with poorly-acting, overly-enthusiastic American ones.

  • The Ad Hater

    McDonalds – “He text me back saying see you la’er. What does that even
    mean?” It means see you later you stupid dumb fucking bitch!!

  • The Ad Hater

    Total 0% – What… the… FUCK?!!

  • Gareth Gobbelcoque

    The new “Mini Max” cereal advert from Kelloggs.

    That little fucking square is such a smug little cunt:”What’s a mini max?”"ME!”

    “You aren’t on the list”
    “Well, I should be”

    You shouldn’t you little fucking wanker, you’re a fucking cereal piece. That kid is now going to get bullied the FUCK out of because of you. She will need fucking counselling, and will probably get locked up in a psych ward because she was talking to a piece of cereal she carried with her.

    I hope you get obliterated, you fucking life destroying, smug little shit.

    DIE YOU FUCKING CEREAL WANKER

    • The Ad Hater

      The price for this stupid cereal is a fucking RIP OFF too! I saw a 375g box of this in Sainsburys for £3.99! Are you fucking kidding me?!

      • Gareth Gobbelcoque

        I don’t get it. It’s fucking SHREDDED WHEAT. THE CUM STAIN OF CEREAL

    • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

      “DIE YOU FUCKING CEREAL WANKER”

      Hahahahaha!  Possibly my favourite ever comment on AdTurds!  Nice one mate!

  • Lmtpapa007

    Voyageprivet, fucking smug cunts!! And what’s up with the bitch at the end? Has she got something stuck up her arse?

  • Doemhard

    No, I bet that would put a HUGE smile on her nitch face.

  • Theownderofdeath

    Do Goats like fried eggs & are they any good at car maintenance?

  • Epromram

    just listen to some  of the shite on smooth radio the one about the estate agent will make you throw up , and that fucking accent , why!!!!!

  • Mark

    Call me pedantic, but that bit in the Go Compare ad where the filth sticks his head in the window and asks “Is this pumpkin insured?”; the fact that it isn’t on the road, is not even outside the house, means that whether or not it is insured is immaterial. Are our police that naive that they don’t even know the law themselves?

  • Si Bundle

    Please give gthe sport relief mile with that annoying little shit on, a good hard ad-turding.

    Thanks

  • Anonymous

    http://youtu.be/hS9PgaCB9m8 - Galaxy Minstrels: “Sophisticated Silliness” and http://youtu.be/u_AzbnMgUiI - Mel B’s TV ad for Jenny Craig UK: “Losing weight does not have to be scary. Come join me!” UGGHHHHHH

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=717494883 Dave White

    The latest Optimax advert. That guy who narrates and takes his glasses off to look in the camera. He is really creepy looking, the fucking weirdo.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

      Its funny coz i think the girl in that ad looks quite sexy with glasses and after coming out of optimax… she looks a bit ugly.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=717494883 Dave White

         Haven’t see the girl one. This is just the dude.

  • DFallow

    I’m getting so fed up with this growing spate of fucking annoying characters that are being conceived and forced upon us by shit unimaginative advertising agencies. It now seems that almost every brand is using a fucking company mascot for a never ending series of utterly dire adverts, designed with the sole intention of being irritating. As much as it pains me to say it, I lay the blame firmly at the door of the meerkat. I liked the meerkat. I thought the ads were original, clever and genuinely amusing. “He already have worms”, still makes me chuckle. But now I can’t see them in the same light. As what the meerkat has done is inadvertently given birth to wannabes like the fat go compare prick, the confused.com singing cartoon twat with shit hair and now the worst of the lot, the bile inducing wonga wankers. These companies have attempted to emulate the success but failed to understand that the meerkat ads were clever and amusing. Brand characters never used to be this way. The honey monster never made me want to throw the remote through the tv screen, Tony the tiger never made me mute the sound until the ad finished. But these wonga ads are like fingernails down a blackboard. I get the whole ‘irritating’ = ‘memorable’ thing but memorable isn’t necessarily good when you’re being remembered for all the wrong reasons. I’d go out of my way not to use wonga, even if I wanted a wallet raping loan, purely because of the ads. And the fact that they’re fucking puppets means I can’t even take solace by thinking they’ll be dead soon. I can’t see an end to this shit any time in the near future. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Looks like I just have to keep praying to the heavens that the company will go bust, never to infect my life ever again. Depressing. 

    • Ken

       If you think that the meerkat ads were “clever and amusing”, then you must PISS yourself at old episodes of Mind Your Language.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

    Autoglass advert….That dickhead tells us “a small chip can become a big one in no time”…and then he turns the heat on high!!!

  • Th_Mssngr

    The new Lottery advert, showing a bunch of smug gits who’ve just won the lottery. The point is clearly there, but the execution is awful.

  • I hate ads

    The BUPA one with Charlie who says he is 83 and won a medal in the war (one assumes this is WWII as the picture shows a soldier in a uniform of this era).  He then goes on to say he won a medal and went home to his wife.  I worked out he was born in 1929 and would have been 16 when WWII ended.  He must have got married very young – irritating!!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

      Good detective work!…Are you sure it wasnt the Korean war?..he would have been about 23 yrs old at this time?

  • I hate Ads

    The Wiltshire food adverts – these ‘elderly’ people are quite capable of cooking for themselves – in the original one the woman actually lied to her grandchildren.  I believe that you can get a home delivery of foods from any of the big supermarkets for less anyway.  They treat elderly people as though they are incapable and stupid!

  • Talos242

    Rachel’s Yogurt… I’m sorry you’re trying to sell me yogurt by starting with some woman’s rancid, day only work tired feet which she then slips into her slip slip slippers. We all know how bad those smell! Wish she’d slip slip and break her neck… Grrr! Adturd? I think so.

    • Curtis

      I bet if she was wearing black stockings and you saw her black stockinged feet you would have a different view?

    • Jay

      If she let you push her feet behind her head and shunt her turd tunnel you would not mind that, would you?

  • Smokey

    DFS – Go fuck your stupid never ending sales of shit, cheap & nasty sofas!!!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G6LPJW2RUDBTOMIR5DTMP47RIE tom

      I wish they would have a REAL closing down sale.

  • Mark

    Hmmmm, ‘we want any car’ is a new ad on the radio. Not only are they obviously competing with their near namesakes for business, they’re also competing with them for the wold’s shittiest jingle. I look forward to their tv ad :-L

  • Anonymous

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D15De1Ai6A  The innuendo is getting more and more obvious.

  • Smokey

    Those fucking Halifax ads with the fucking twats all singing. Wankers. Makes me want to put my bloody foot through the screen!

  • Smokey

    Any stupid toothpaste ad. How many types of fucking toothpaste do you need. I am waiting for the launch of one that always washes your car and cuts the grass for you. Complete load of old bollocks. Toothpaste is fucking toothpaste. No, it won’t give me gleaming white, perfectly straight, ‘Hollywood’ teeth and breath that smells of roses. Load of bollocks. Dopey muppets!. Rant over!

  • Jayk369

    I’ve just shot my first advert at Shepperton Studios – it’s a parody of Star Trek and it’s for a chewing gum brand :)

  • Dave

    Oh f*ck me. The new van insurance ad by Direct Line. “Steeeeeve, is that you Steve…why are you doing that funny accent etc,”
    F*CK OFF.

  • Blackhawk

    I’m fucked off with those Underdog adverts. The cretinous little twerp deserves the sack rather than hand outs of cash. Oh, in the recent one the boss passes out at news that shit head has one yet another claim, does he get the chance to sue for his no doubt extensive injuries?

    • Steph

      ‘i’ve had an accident’ ‘die by being buggered to death by a honey badger, underdog’.

      snivelling twerp.

      • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

        Honey badger doesn’t care.

        • Steph

          indeed, honey badger don’t give a fuck!

  • San

    http://youtu.be/2sWsKpcUKE0 “I didn’t know you were an expert on finding a girl’s hotspot” WOOOW how clever and FUNNY. HA HA HA

  • Pissbiscuit

    The new O2 advert following the stupid twee female vocal and vague imagery theme that Nissan and various other companies have used to boil my piss with.

    And they’re all made out of ticky tack? Die in a fucking fire.

  • Ghj655554

    Steph is sooooooooooooo DIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Steph

      tis true, what can i say!

      • Ghj655554

        You can say just how dirty you really are?

  • The Professor

    P&G’s “Proud sponsor of mums” campaign is back to stereotype, belittle, irritate and patronise the shit out of the human race once more!! So, so hateful.

    • Radgeflaps

      It should be “shamelessly opportunistic hawkers of wares to mothers”. It’s not like they pay mums to use their brands exclusively. Cuntologists.

  • Danny Michaels

    This waste of space that you currently see on the right-hand side of double decker buses.

  • Wmidman

    I hate that BT hotspots ad. Clearly they are trying to make the nerdy guy the butt of the jokes, instead the girl comes across as a snooty, patronising bitch. I hate this ad soooooo much

    • Poiyut45

      Hot spot on!! That stupid student bitch should be slapped!

  • Mark

    That stupid
    yoghurt ad where this bunch of girlies marvel at how their very ordinary friend
    looks amazing; revealing of course that it’s all down to petis filous from
    yoplait, or whatever the shit is called.

    Jordan could
    knock back a gallon of the stuff (no doubt she consumes plenty of man
    yoghurt) and she’d still look like a skank. One big pathetic con that only the
    blondest members of society will fall for. I eat yoghurt and I look like
    crap.

  • The Ad Hater

    Rowntrees fucking Randoms – Stupid skydiving instructor starts speaking gibberish after eating a bag of Randoms. This advert is fucking stupid! It’s not remotely funny at all!

    Harvester – Just what we need, a DEMANDING kid with the most annoying fucking voice ever! I want to beat up each and every person who says “Yes Chef” and “Thank you Chef!” I love eating at Harvester but this advert is making me hate them more and more!

  • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk Robin Brown

    Just a quickie – and I recognise there’s a significant irony here – but I’ve been deleting a lot of comments recently and would rather not have to. So, for the record, any comments that include things like ‘dumb bitch’ ‘rent boys’ ‘i want to kill…’ ‘she’d find it hard to talk with my knob down her throat’ and anything that just comes off as thuggish and nasty is out. Needless to say anything that smacks of homophobia or racism results in a banning. 

    And the C word. Well, I’m open to the merits of it in specific cases. Look, it’s cute when I do it, OK?

    Play nice eh? Well, not nice per se. But nicer.

  • Grwatt

    The atom of loathsomeness has been well and truly split. The guy from the Gillette Pro glide campaign has made himself even more detestable. Yeah – I Know, shouldn’t be possible. I almost reluctantly admire that kind of achievement. But his reappearance in the Tesco price drop campaign turns this placid, peace favouring, left of centre dull as dishwater everyman into a hysterically deranged psychopath everytime his chuffing face contaminates the screen. Really, I’m becoming convinced he is related to satan – his more terrifyingly evil little brother or something. 

  • The Ad Hater

    Tesco – Dear God, what an absolutely ANNOYING fucking advert! This guy says all the products that have had their price dropped stupidly quick. Why the hell did Tesco think this was a good idea?! INSTANT MUTE!

  • The Ad Hater

    That Ladbrokes advert with the Italian bloke shouting way too fucking loud! Are you trying to give me a HEADACHE?! Fuck off!

  • Mark Monks

    You hate an advert, you save, you attempt a self lobotomy, you save, you murder the neighbourhood pets, you save….

  • The Ad Hater

    The current trend of using rhymes and poems in adverts is really REALLY pissing me off! Why the hell does Premier fucking Inn need to do this?! Also, I hate how ads are using shit cover versions of classic songs. Twinings have butchered Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” and B&Q have done this with Crosby Stils Nash & Young’s “Our House.” Fuck off you lazy UNORIGINAL advertisers!

  • Lord Lucan’s possum

    The EDF Blue Energy ad is literally an evil scary dancing turd.  Surely in the history of advertising has there ever been a more perfect match to this site’s name.  I’m sure the ginger cat was thinking – “WTF – Did that jump out of my litter tray?!”

  • Anonymous

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGzucVzReVs - You make an ad like this, you waste.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlruzyNEpV0 - The theme song hasn’t changed, and Bertha’s panties expose themselves even more than ever.

  • Arthur

    Office 365 radio ads.  Fuuuuck.  Cliched as hell.  “Where’s the any key?”  Oh fuck off!  How is this specifically linked to any benefits from a cloud based office suite exactly?  http://soundcloud.com/breel/any-key

    “The boss, well he doesn’t do diaries” – so he’s going to have no use for an online calender then, is he?

    “Joe from sales is out jetsetting” – yeah cos of course this is what all sales people DO!

    “Jenny from marketing is at a PR meeting” – instead of weeping quietly at her budget cuts?

    And so, painfully, on.

    • Mark

      Heard the coco pops ad on the radio, the one where the pansified ostrich  puts on a horrible slimy t.v. voice to and tells you how “vitamin d d delicious” coco pos are? What possessed the ad makers to think for a moment that their ad wouldn’t be vomit inducing? 

      Whenever I hear it I feel like ripping the radio out of the car and hurling it into the nearest skip.

  • Steph

    ‘WHENS’A YOUR DOLMIO DAY?!’

    February 30th.

    • The Professor

       Reminds me of the episode of The Simpsons where the Mafia boss says “you have-a made this old Italian stereotype very happy.” Isn’t Dolmio made by fucking Mars? How Italian….

  • The Ad Hater

    O2 and their Little Fucking Boxes! I HATE THAT SONG!! It makes me want to throw the TV out the nearest window!

    • Steph

      up until yesterday, i had no idea what song you were on about.
      now I can only wish i didn’t.

      this song has driven me to such rage i am reduced to singing over it with rather deranged parodies, usually along the lines of ‘your mum’s box is… [insert descriptive terms here]‘
      this is not how i pictured my life at 25.

  • Grwatt

    Halle Berry flogging cheap shoes and whatever is left of her self respect with that hideous Deichmann advert. Is it just me or does she look slightly embarrassed? She fucking should if she doesn’t. I know her career has been posh spice thin on hits in recent years but surely it needn’t have come to this.

  • Steph

    M&S ‘here comes the sun doo doo doodoo’

    if i do not get this this irritating but ‘catchy like heroin is catchy’ bloody song out of my head, so help me god i will find whichever ex boyband member it is responsible (i’m not very good on these things), gag him, chain him and sell him to a papuan new guinea tribe. 

    • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

      I don’t mind it.  It’s Gary Barlow performing and does at least have the redeeming feature of being written by the genius of the late, great George Harrison.  It’s still nowhere near as bad as the as Boots’ “Here come the Christing, dumb-arse, motherfucking bints” campaign…Now there really is a talentless ship of Thebes.  But I suppose if I end up having to endure three years persistent, intrusive, fingernail draggind down a blackboard exposure to this, as a captive audience, then I may end up feeling the same about this!.

      • Steph

        Yeah to be fair my only objection to this advert is the fact the song is getting stuck in my head and driving me mad! Yeah I used to work for boots…they sure love taking one idea that happens to be a success, then flogging it to death. Tbh i once liked ‘here come the girls’. Long before they payrolled sugababes to spoil it, of course…

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JCHEOKQ72H7WFXVBL3KTKMCTXE maimuna

    The new Landrover (or is it Range Rover? Oh hang on, I DONT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL FOR CUNTS) advert is an absolute abomination. Please destroy it before anyone in Ad land copies this vile piece of sacharine, idiotic, class war shite.

  • The Ad Hater

    The newest Toyota Yaris advert makes me want to throw a brick at the screen! I hate the rappers, the shit CGI and the god awful music. This ad looks like something that would belong on MTV! “Ask yourself, can you do this?” What? Reverse park into a space like EVERY OTHER FUCKING CAR can do?! I’m sure the Yaris is NOT the only car to have those parking sensors and cameras. Fuck off Toyota!

  • AdsB

    All money-for-u lawyer ads. Cunts, the lot of ‘em! And that new Muller ad with the two girls that are really centaurs….WTF?!?!

  • Grwatt

    The google + ad. Another hateful tapestry of life/canyon of emotionally manipulative bollocks (stroke out where applicable) campaign. When did this trend for emotional button pushing begin (and emotional button pushing with the skill of a channel 5 made for daytime TV movie) and who is responsible? I cannot express how righteously offensive I find these fucking insulting ads, and this one in particular. Really, by not using google’s shit version of facebook I’m somehow letting myself and my family down. I dont expect all ads to be little parables that cut to the quick of human existence but surely we deserve better than this. If not its time for us as a species to give up and let the dolphins take over for a while.

    And the fucking mini roadster advert is more irritating than thrush>

  • Mattysuch

    My suggestion is the wowcher turd!

  • The Ad Hater

    That fucking Autoglass advert on the radio. My urge to throw the radio out the nearest window increases each time I hear the “Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace” jingle! I had been listening to Absolute Radio for just about an hour and I heard this advert 10 FUCKING TIMES! I will NEVER EVER use Autoglass if I ever have a chip in my windscreen purely because of their ANNOYING adverts!

  • Smecking Away

    The Frikking Vodaphone / Star Wars Adverts. Not only are they awful (like Yoda would give a shit if I had lost my phone!? What’s he doing in a hairdresser’s anyway?) but they are evidence that George Lucas will agree to ANYTHING if there’s a shed load of cash involved. 

    And Darth Vader advertising bloody PC world. Everyone knows he should be fronting Tesco’s. 

  • Mark

    The shit new Heineken ad gets on my tits, the one with the bloke that looks like Chris Martin and the latino girl galavanting in a club, pulling a beer bottle from his throat, dancing like a pair of twats etc. I can’t see the appeal of this ad on any level, no more than it’s stupid predecessor with a similar looking bloke. The girl needs a good seeing to though, very fit.

  • neil

    The Sky Store one with Kate Winslet moments from tears talking about how she spent… so much time just.. looking… in a fucking video shop. What the fuck? And there’s the Greene King IPA one which is fairly similar, trying to make me cry. It’s a fucking beer. A cheap, nasty, piss-weak beer. And that horrible whiney music to accompany it, ugh I hate television sometimes.

    Sorry to be greedy, but as I’m writing this, Martin fucking Clunes has popped up with his fat ugly head and cunt-like lips talking to a Churchill dog which sounds nothing like a Churchill dog. I can do a better Churchill dog than that Churchill dog. But i wouldn’t do it if it meant meeting Martin Clunes.

  • The Ad Hater

    Go Fucking Compare seems to be just replaying their existing adverts now. I’ve seen the Halloween one 3 times this week even though its FUCKING APRIL! When will they get the message that this shit is annoying as hell?! ENOUGH ALREADY!

  • The Ad Hater

    The Chrysler Ypsilon ad. That has got to be one of the most UGLY OVERPRICED pile of shit cars I have ever seen! Who the fuck would waste £15,000 on this hideous excuse of a car?!

  • Lmtpapa007

    The Bulmers ad were the bloke is giving out tickets to see “my mates band”
    What a wanker!! Plan B and fruit drink? What a fucking treat!

    • DaveL

      I couldn’t agree more. The presumptuousness of it all makes me want to spoon my eyes out. Oh… Plan B you say? MY GOD… PLAN B! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [dies of a heart attack].

      If only the smug git had grabbed me in the street. I would have throttled him in the pub, screaming ‘I don’t like Plan B! Why would you assume that I would be happy? Why???? You ruined my afternoon!!! Where did you find all these pretentious Plan B fans????? WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME I WOULD LOVE PLAN B????????????? IT’S NOT A GIVEN YOU DICKHEAD, OR THEY WOULD RULE THE WORLD!!!!’

      Let’s imagine it were a real situation for a minute. How woould he choose people who were most likely to get orgasmic about Plan B? I guess he would choose some disappeared up its own arse London suburb and look for dicks wearing slim-fit suits on their days off.

      I’m done.

  • Doctahhoo?

    Ikea kitchens radio ad. With twat voice over man having a food fight with some kids. They’ve just dubbed his stupid voice over some kids playing. I just want to punch whoever he is!

  • Steph

    ‘just an olly murs away from perfect’. 
    ffs argos. i suppose we should be happy that mama alien has stopped leering after justin bieber and is now revving her spacevajay to someone more age appropriate, but really? REALLY? i mean, having seen your typical clientele in your stores on a saturday afternoon, i can understand your contempt for them, but for god’s sake, this alien shit is just lazy.

  • Murphymoo1888

    Nick bloody jojojooooo the fashion student taking pictures of his FASHION shoot on his Htc phone cos he’s just so bloody smug and fashionable. I hoppe the phone falls out of his fasionable hands!

    • Steph

      he’ll always be just a fashion photography ‘student’ if he doesn’t get a proper camera the mug, imagine turning up to an interview and them saying ‘so, show us your portfolio’ and he whips out a few instagram screen shots on his moby… dear lord

  • The Ad Hater

    Cotton Traders – The one thing that strikes me is the text that says “Sizes up to 5XL.” So apparently they think it’s OK to be a fat overweight twat instead of highlighting the dangers of being obese. What the fuck?!

  • Tbar

    The reed.co.uk love Mondays ad….. just awful

  • Cornz38


    Please, put these cunts out of my misery…..

    • Robin Brown

      Done!

      • Cornz

        I owe you a firkin of good quality ale.
        Thank you.

  • StewieGilliganGriffin

    My nomination is the Aviva Goth couple advert. The unfunny smug git Paul Whitehouse who even Harry ’2 characters’ Enfield had the sense to long off years ago makes me want to punch puppies at the mere sight of him. In this pile of IQ reducing wankturd he is dressed like a Goth (bad enough in itself) but he contiues to put on some kind of fake Northern fuckwit accent which just screams out for someone North of Watford to launch their size 11 wellies into his gob and just keep stamping until he stops twitching. Utter irritating complete bollocks Aviva.

  • Judyshiels

    GO.COM WITH THAT SILLY MAN TRYING TO SING ITIS IRRATING AND YOU HAVE TO MUTE THE TV EVERY TIME IT COMES ON, I THINK THEY ARE DOING IT TO ANNOY PEOPLE.  WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?      ALL THE SILLY BOOZE ADVERTS THEY SHOULD BE TAKEN OFF THE TV, THEY PUT CIGARETTES DOWN WHY DO THEY MAKE BOOZE LOOK SO GREAT, ITS DISCUSSING AND SHOULD BE TAKEN OFF TV BUT THEY DON’T LISTEN THEY ARE PROBABLY ALL DRINK ITS APPAULLING TO US AND DON’T THINK ITS GOOD IT WILL KILL YOIU JUST THE SAME, AND ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO DRINK WHAT ARE THEY THINKING……. THEY JUST TALK HERE BUT DO NOTHING WHY? STOP DRINKING ADVERTS ON TV AND COVER BOOZE IN THE STORES LIKE YOU DO CIGARETTES, ITS IN YOUR FACE WHEN YOU WALK INTO A STORE……..

    • Steph

      I FUCKING LOVE CAPS LOCK!!!!!

    • Adam

      Drink is good.

  • Cornz38


    Seems to have gone but its that fucking dire hob nobs medley with that anal skid stain doing “beat boxing”…Argh..Makes my shit itch..Please DESTROY it…

  • Lmtpapa

    Tena lights, an advert about a woman that pisses herself when she laughs! WTF??

  • Skoda943

     The Macho Women on the Sure ‘Women Are Strong’ advert scare the Hell out of me. Strong what exactly? Are they saying Women have a strong smell or are strong enough to wrestle you in a Ring. Scary stuff.
     

  • Kymera

    The Jacamo adverts, where one guy slides across to a woman and says something so arse-wipingly inane and/or sexist then slides away again. He hasn’t got a girlfriend, not because he’s overweight, but because he hasn’t got the first clue how to talk to women.

  • Len

    I stumbled upon your site after myself thinking about starting a blog/video blog about shite adverts. I am raging daily, at the constant, patronising, fuck-shite I hear on the radio, see on the TV and wake up in cold sweats from at night. I don’t know if I’ll go ahead and make one or not, but I salute you in your quest. As for suggestions, I could go on all week, but a few examples:

    The Carlsberg adverts.

    The series of adverts with the four guys. If I said “..a cheeky little lob..” you would probably know what I mean, as I smash my eye sockets in to a brick wall.

    The Head & Shoulders advert.

    Another football-commentary style advert. The end bit where he smiles and runs his fingers through his hair – RAAAAAGGGGEE!!!!

    Any bank advert.

    Patronising, lying, “we care about you, we’re in this together”, all singing all dancing shite. Even Howard wasn’t this annoying.

    Then there’s the radio adverts. I listen to talkSPORT a lot, it’s all trade adverts, every single one done in a cockney accent, with shitty puns and annoying catchphrases. Nearly as bad as “Autoglass compare..au…ONE MORE THING”. Here’s one more thing – FUCK YOU.

  • Jon

     Just got back from seeing Avengers, and they played this turd in front. Decently shot, decent concept. Shame it’s pretty much a cut-down copy of the Marshmallow Experiment, right down to making the kids act exactly like the ones in the original YouTube video.

    Haribo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc8vxx6J5Xw
    Marshmallow Experiment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EjJsPylEOY

  • The Ad Hater

    The Pilgrim’s Choice advert with the mini cowboy. Just what the actual fuck?! Bad idea to put this on when kids will notice the cowboy shaving his face with a fucking KNIFE! Oh and there is part at the end where he holds a gun up at a CAT! How the fuck did this advert get approved?!

  • Pippa25

    That annoying DFS advert with that awful ‘song’ ‘the so and so thinks it is a ****, the **** thinks it is a &&&& etc, etc, all on a monotone and then those awful kids jumping all over the furniture – It is the most irritating advert on TV

  • il rivoluzionario incompetente

    that one shot of the phil jupitus-lookalike lipsyncing the first line of the song is profoundly infuriating.

  • andrew freeman

    Nearly every ad at the moment has a washed out wishy washy song . whats that all about . also the 
    Dolmio family p**s me off.

  • Mark

    The Paddy Power ‘Gregos Traitorelli’ ad grates with me. I can tolerate it until the bloke overemphasises ‘athletico kebab!’, which I’m guessing is intended to be funny. Maybe I’m just pedantic.

  • Mark

    The talk talk broadband advert on the radio where this brat of a daughter complains when her dad sends her a facebook friend invite. “OMG dad, etc.” She lost me at OMG, which takes about as long to say as ‘Oh my God’. I best she doesn’t mind him being her friend when she wants a new pair of trainers, the irritating little tart.

  • Cornz38

    WTMF!!!
    As if all this olympic bollocks wasnt enough, we have this fucking travesty…
    The worst bit is where the “athlete” is cupping that stupid little turd like effigy in her hands….Seriously bollocks….

  • Kar_mc2

    The HTC “ha ha ha ha” parachute commercial.  Please, destroy it!

  • AhhDoo

    New Pilgrim cheese advert with the mini cowboy who looks like a Zombie shaving with a massive cutthroat razor, WTF, it just freaks me out.

    • Paul Catlow

      Slightly funny, like Python on an off day, but again where’s the logic? Usually there’s some correlation betweenthe thing being advertised and the things/people/events in the advert, but apart from seing a link between “cathedral” and “pilgrim”, and the word “pilgrim” being associated with cowboys and Westerns…  why is the cowboy such a shortarse, for one thing?

  • http://twitter.com/Ficklepundit Fickle Pundit

    I hate the BT advert – need a number etc. I hate the phony, deep baritone American accent that sounds as if an actor born in Romford is trying to very hard to talk like Wayne’s World 2′s Handsome Dan.

  • http://twitter.com/Ficklepundit Fickle Pundit

    Cathedral City, Cheese so shitty, Another crap rhyme, A waste of fucking time.

  • The Ad Hater

    Barbara fucking Windsor and that bloody ANNOYING DOG in the Jackpot Joy advert! Fuck right off!

  • Dfallow

    The mars advert with the penalty shoot out is so irritatingly shit for a number of reasons. The cheesy acting from the 3 England players is dire (not sure if it’s actually them or lookalikes) and the fact that the last 2 penalty takers kick a football worse than my missus is just fucking ridiculous. How hard can it be to find actors who can kick a football properly? The fact that he would never be allowed to just bowl it out from the crowd and play in goal doesnt help, oh and when I was a kid, I played in a football match straight after eating a mars bar and threw up on the pitch. Definitely an adturd.

  • Kev

    Burger King Angus XT Range

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWyd9uZwIpI

    • Steph

      if i was the girlfriend at the end, i wouldn’t be covering my ears with the pillow; i’d be pressing it on his face whilst shouting ‘LET’S SEE YOU MAKE THAT NOISE WHEN THERE’S NO AIR IN YOUR LUNGS!!!!’ …not that i find it really irritating, or anything.

  • Andy

    The HTC sky dive advert, utter utter shite. The twat taking the pictures looks like a smug do knead who would bore you to death about his “new phone” and it’s “amazing features” FUCK OFF AND DIE, Also the pictures he takes are crap, the only believable thi is its his first ever shoot, only reason he could be that crap.

    I want everyone involved with this ad to die a slow painful and tragic death, hopefully filmed on the shite phone they are selling.

    I am never going to buy a HTC!

    • Dre

      Totally agree. My first thought was, “Who the fuck is Nick Jojola?” like I
      should give a shit what phone he recommends. I like to imagine his parachute fails to open, he smashes into the ground at 120mph and is completely obliterated, along with his stupid phone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.mulligan1 Mark Mulligan

    The BT Duran Duran advert. You cannot download that many albums in 5-10 minutes, with the broadband speeds available in the UK. I know a lot of adverts falsely advertise but that is taking the biscuit and shoving up some dumb-fucks ass.

  • Mister Ever-So-Slightly-Cross

    Eeeuurgh!  That fucking disgusting Listerine advert where all you get to see is some bloke’s disgusting gob, whether he is sticking food in his cakehole, sucking the end of a pen, or ripping off some sticky tape with his teeth.  I don’t want to know what goes in his mouth, and I certainly don’t want to see it.  I just don’t care.  In my opinion this is worse than that KFC advert that got panned a few years back for people singing with their mouths full of food.  At least that was done with a bit of humour.  This is just plain disgusting.  It really put me off my dinner!

  • http://twitter.com/ManMcManly Non Compos Mentis

    This fucking DFS advert forces me to mute the tele. 

  • Adampkmorris

    For a change, here’s an ad I actually LIKE. this is funny and brightens up the day, 

  • J Rowson

    You have to destroy the new ‘Hob Nobs’ advert. The idea of getting a beat-boxer to represent the ‘diverse’ new chocolate bar smacks of a middle aged out of touch ad producer trying to tap into a non-existent market of ‘cool’ kids. And the tagline! ‘Love those funky biscuits’. Funky? Funky is a term used by cringy office workers whose life has passed them by and they want to be ‘hip’…or by aunts. Kill!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Paulcatlowatleast4 Paul Catlow

    The EDF advert with that little brown jobby-shaped thing (Puts me in mind of Mr Hankey in “South Park”).and a bunch of girls, at first in sort of running gear. The starting gun goes off, they run a couple of paces, then start milling around in a slow and jerky way. Focus goes back to Mr Hankey again, and then we see the original girl, only she’s now in a gold-and-black showgirl rig. She grins and Mr Hankey leaps into her hand (leaving a brown stain?)  . Ok. What’s all that supposed to be about?  I know it’s meant to sell electricity but it comes over like a complete disjointed mess where nothing hangs together.

  • Welsh

    February’s Chrysler ad – it must be the textbook example of lazy plagiarism in advertising, no?
    Step 1) Go to YouTube and see what is popular
    Step 2) Watch Grand Theft Auto V trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkkoHAzjnUs)
    Step 3) Copy music, voiceovers and visuals (the freeway signs! Good god), add nothing original
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2XkmTP_chM
    Step 4) Laugh at Chrysler for paying you yo get away with this

  • Paul Catlow

    The advert for the car, the “Juke”. no doubt to boast about how tough it is, they throw the chassis out of a plane. A bloke sitting in the driver’s seat, (s) trapped in by the seat belt, follows. He is looking unnacountably relaxed and placid. A group of sky-divers then practically builds the car in free-fall, ensuring driver and seat are bolted firmly to the chassis. The car then lands lightly on a ramp and rolls away, the engine firing first time as more daredevil magicians complete the build.  What is wrong with this picture?

    Answer: there is no parachute on the car. This lump of inert metal, weighing a quarter of a ton, has just been thrown out of a plane from at least 15,000 feet up. On impact, it should NOT land lightly on its suspension and roll down the ramp. It should in fact dig a crater quite a few yards deep. Any human being inside it…  well, opposite and equal forces apply. THat driver should be flung upwards with quite some force, or at least those bits of him NOT secured by a safety belt will be flung upwards with some force. This could get messy.  This may be why a bright red car was chosen.

    • Paul Catlow

      And it occurs to me that in situations where this has been done for real, a  car thrown out of an aircraft without a parachute on it will not obligingly hold its wheels-down position in the air, and land in the upright position to be driven away.  Anyone remember the Blues Brothers, where as one of the special effects, a real car was dropped from a great height? Cars are not aerodynamic. In the BB movie, with most of the weight being at the front where the engine is, the whole thing flipped forward on its nose  and, sure enough, impacted nose-down.  It would certainly not be aerodynamically stable in freefall!  And I’m guessing it would imperil any skydiver trying to get a grip on it in flight and maybe drag him down with it.  This is perhaps the reason why the Army found it dificult to deliver jeeps and landrovers by parachute to forward troops…

  • Paul Catlow

    Health advice is not their business. That’s for the NHS. Their business is, however, to flog clothes, and one of the penaties of being fat is that you have to pay more for your clothes – only fair as one pair of 5XXXX trousers contain enough material for a small circus tent. (I would have thought this aspect of things alone  would motivate larger citizens to lose flab.)

  • Rotstrike

    Voyage Prive. I hate everything about this to my very core, to
    the point I have to restrain myself from smashing the TV to pieces with my own
    face.

     

    It’s an ‘exclusive travel club’, except any dickhead can
    join. The actors in this ad are exactly the kind of smug fuckers I image would
    join, and then bore you to tears with stories of how “we enjoyed our exclusive little
    trip to Santorini with Voyage Prive you know, yahh.” FUCK OFF! IT’S A FUCKING
    TRAVEL SEARCH ENGINE LIKE ANY OTHER EXCEPT IT HAS A PRETENTIOUS FRENCH NAME SO
    YOU LAP IT UP LIKE THE SOCIAL CLIMBING WEASEL TWATS YOU ARE!

     

    The final straw is the woman in the last scene, the conceited
    little bitch with the shit-eating grin on her face like she knows something I
    don’t, obviously, because she uses Voyage Prive. EAT SHIT AND DIE, YOU TOTAL
    CUNT.

    • Lizard

      You said it all !

  • Jannie221

    Why do they have that stupid miniature cowboy on Pilgrim’s Choice Cheese. The comment of looking your mouth straight in the eye. It’s so bloody annoying

  • Paul Catlow

    There’s an advert in the afternoons for one of those ambulance-chasing firms of lawyers.  It shows actors playing four lawyers, in line abreast, descending several sets of outdoor civic steps taking it in turns to sell their service and explain why their particular firm of ambulance-chasers are the best. As they descend the steps, the lines pass from Older Grey-Haired Voice of Authority to Younger Aspirant Beta-Male Lawyer to Token Woman Lawyer to Token Black Lawyer.

    And then, whaddya know, as she intones her lines while looking direct to camera, Token Woman Lawyer misses her footing on the steps and goes down like a sack of crap. The other three rush to her rescue, as if they all want to represent her in court and get the commission. Smug voiceover comes on to tell us Accidents Happen even when you are least expecting them, no fee no win, et c.  Silly us, this turns out to be scripted and not a case of divine retribution. Drats.

    But… correct me if i’m wrong, she contributed to her own collapse in that while proceeding in the hazardous enterprise of descending what were clearly well-kept and well-tended steps (less reason to sue the local council) this lady was clearly not looking where she was going or paying attention to where she was putting her feet, choosing instead to look directly at a distant camera whilst intoning painfully learnt lines and listening for cues from the actor to her right.

    Therefore case dismissed, court costs against Ambulance Chasing Lawyers Ltd (As Seen On TV)

    • Paul Catlow

      I normally try not to commentate here by using swearwords, but sometimes you have to say “fuck me”. Fuck me, art has imitated life here. On the “Armstrong and Miller” show, there’s a spoof advert for a firm of lawyers specialising in getting compensation for actors who injure themselves while filming adverts reconstructing actual ocupational injuries, ie the actor playing a chef who burns his arm on the hotplate who really DOES burn himself while reconstructing the injury… then it gets meta… I wonder if they nicked my idea? Can I get compensation?

  • The Ad Hater

    That Danone Oykos advert. I saw it for the first time today and my God was it fucking awful! We see Amanda fucking Holden using MEN as SLAVES in the advert and at the end it shows her using a man as a FOOTSTOOL! If they were to do this with genders swapped over, there would be massive OUTRAGE everywhere! Just look at all the dislikes on Youtube. At the time of typing up this comment there were 7 likes and 65 dislikes! Seems that I’m not the only who thought that this advert was shit. It needs a good AdTurding now!

    • Paul Catlow

      As an ill-dressed, ill-styled and ill-made-up Amanda holden  walks through a patio and pool area that represents a dream home for a Premiership footballer (exensively tasteless)  the word “OIK” in the product name says it all – yoghurt for chavs with no taste?

      A bit like that womens’ magazine. It was meant to be called “Closer”, but have you noticed on at least two occassions, some feature of the cover art has partially obscured the “C”,  leaving only the word “loser”? 

      Yoghurt for oiks, or “oyks”, and a cheesy celeb gossip mag aimed at “Losers”…    you cannot make this up…

    • Mlihoward

      Amanda Holden is a talentless bint (ironic that she judges the talent of others) who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere close to a t.v. camera.

      • http://twitter.com/francisrossi John Firth

        Amanda Holden, famous for cheating on her husband.

  • Matt

    That stupid new UPS London Olympics advert with the annoying posh fencing bird and cloth businessman…what is annoying is how it is trying to be ‘British’ but feels exactly what an American company imagines the UK to be like

  • Glort

    I fucking hate this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLyRYkNwlWU - “WE ALL LOVE CLOVER” – Really? I fucking don’t. I’d rather put used anal lube on my toast.  What makes this so horrific, is its played down patriotic innocence. The good news is, according to their Annual Statement – they made 58% profit on selling Clover in the UK last year. “We all love being fucked over by a 58% profit margin on a product, all over this land…”

    • Lizard

      If it was at all true then they wouldn’t need to advertise at all and thus hoist up that paltry 58%.
      It is LIES – and the product is SHIT

  • Mark

    Posted something similar before but this merits further vitriol; the bloody perle de lait advert. The scenario involves a group of middle aged women wondering how their very ordinary looking friend looks so amazing. She turns up with the answer, not some elixir of youth but pots of yoghurt!! Who the fuck are they trying to fool? I’ve eaten gallons of the stuff and I still look shit.

    • hookm

      It’s an advert for yoghurt? When they ask her what her secret is, she says “ladies”. Confused by the sapphic overtones…..

    • http://twitter.com/ellie_d Ellie D’Silva

      OH MY GOD I’m so glad someone feels the same. Those adverts make me so mad. Eating yogurt doesn’t make your hair shiny. Fucking idiots.

  • Dan Kellaway

    Febreze adverts – getting blind folded people to sniff dirty underwear and another advert with some sports guys jock strap. Then they just laugh about it when they find out what they are smelling? mmm smells like flowers.

  • Lmtpapa

    Yorkshire bank advert, bloke walking along saying the word bank is a 4 letter word, but there is another bank that thinks of itself as a 5 letter word!!!
    Fuck me! bank IS 4 letters you twat

  • fuckthefences

    London 2012 Subway advert.

    Just fucking awful; shit food advertised by a pair of wooden, lifeless spackers in an extremely American looking advert. The guy can’t even speak properly.

    “I GOT A SENSAAAHTIFF MAAAFF, OK”

    Great advert for our Olympic team, not that I give a fuck about that.

  • steph

    The ‘feminine products’ sector of the market has never been especially well known for its inspiring, insightful adverts (have a happy period anyone?) but the olympics-cash in one for tampax is really getting my goat at the mo. ‘no tampax, no glory’? So you mean to tell me, she only *just* realised that she had come on at the approach to the high jump, but then wopped a tampon up there (in front of a stadium of thousands of people), presumably threw the applicator over her shoulder and then went on to win? And if i buy tampax i can do the same? Awesome! Thanks tampax!

  • Dave

    Can’t help but hate the new Skoda adverts – the one with that pop singer who used to be well known once and the other with the human equivalent of the paperclip that pops up on Microsoft Office.

    “Hi! We’re just testing out the new Skoda communication tool”. IT’S A FUCKING CAR.

  • The Ad Hater

    I think there are some more adverts that need to be put in the Crimes Against Music:

    Bold 2 in 1 – Kids singing a fucking awful cover of Spandau Ballet’s “Gold”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4knW9AZCjwQ

    Nationwide – Another fucking twee cover of a classic song which, this time, is Ben E King’s “Stand By Me.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A2AxYjIkog

    Persil – Bunch of annoying kids butchering Queen’s classic hit “We Will Rock You.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNMq2Ogag4U

    To all the advertisers that are using these shit cover versions, FUCK… RIGHT… OFF!

    • The Professor

      Rather fittingly the Nationwide ad came on the tv just as I was reading this. Can’t stand these crimes against music!

  • Lmtpapa

    FUCK YOU THEN CUNT

  • Kwakabern

    Secret Escapes.com. why not front your crap, condescending advert with someone who over emphasises their s’s, like some sort of snake. Then fill the script up with them. Then get her to whisper. Ssssunning hersself and doing her nailssss. Oh pisssss off.

    • Fred

      Absolutely hate this advert! What an annoying condescending woman!!! Aaaaagh!

  • http://twitter.com/Ficklepundit Fickle Pundit

    I hate the Sky movies adverts featuring talking popcorn. What a fucking waste of space (the ads and popcorn – pig food that’s full of air and sugar). Whoever came up with the idea of misshapen bits of crap snack food have ‘personalities’ is a wanker.

  • Dan

    Direct Line insurance adverts. Irritatingly smug. It’s currently got the two from the Smack the Pony comedy which ended about a decade ago. Latest ad shows the couple in sleeping bags because they queued to get the fantastic insurance deal, and got their clothes stolen.. shit.

  • The Ad Hater

    The Cathedral City Chedds ad. “Holy cow, we’re good.” FUCK OFF!

    • Steph

      ‘cheese should be real, cuz kids are real!’ yeah but I don’t see anyone trying to fob me off with cheese made from chipboard and bathroom sealant enclosed in child-friendly packs, so your point falls a bit flat there doesn’t it, you precocious flangebadger.

      • Robin Brown

        haha!

      • cornz

        Comment of the centuary…So right on every level.
        PS you owe me a new keyboard for “flangebadger”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Factor/1014707393 Daniel Factor

    The ad that’s getting on my tits is the new Cheds advert with that mind crushingly annoying kid in the white coat. Holy cow we’re good! Holy cow you’re an annoying little bastard!

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.williams.5243 Ричард Виллиамс

    Those fucking Barclay banking adverts with that “off-the-cuff” voice over by Stephen Merchant. How wittily spontaneous they are with their dry wall script and smug pretentiousness. His voice is how I imagine a con man raping an OAP would sound as he reassures her.   

    • The Professor

      Can’t stand them. And I did actually expect better of Stephen Merchant than to work for those wankers. I hate ads at the best of times, as for ads that patronise me….. there are no words.

  • Matt

    What about that subway olympics-themed advert, with Anthony Ogogo. “My personal best is a chicken teryaki…., without jalapenos”, “Whats wrong with jalapenos” replies another female olympian, in an insultingly retarded voice. “I’ve got a sensitive mouth!” explains hardman boxer Ogogo. It’s excruciatingly poor, and because of this, is the height of hilarity. Think this needs a mention on adturds at the very least!

    • Steph

      i know right! not to mention no self-respecting athlete would be seen dead eating subway, especially not in the run up to the olympics…

  • Kgriffith

    Have you seen Yaris Hybrid UK TV Advert 2012: ‘Silence The City’? Sooo annoying! Would love to read a critique of it! 

  • Dogtranslucent

    The Andrex adverts with those vile CGI dogs… Or the British Gas adverts with those vile multicultural CGI people. Both send me diving, uncontrollably, into the uncanny valley

  • K J

    Who is that absolute wanker advertising direct line insurance on TV? He makes me physically want to vomit. What a serious piece of arse wipe.

  • Addypops

    I hate the bloody BT ads with the noxious oiks. The latest one with the Spanish drag queens who want to steal wifi whilst here for the Olympics makes me cringe.

    Whilst on the subject of the Olympics, am I the only one who is at his wits end at every bloody company jumping on the band wagon. Not sure how the athletes have two sodding minutes to train as they are signing up in herds to advertise any old crap

  • Derek Fuller

    How have the BT infinity adverts avoided being posted on here!?

    The ones with the gimpy students….

  • Mark

    That annoying ad with a ‘band’ rehearsing a song (ripped off from the buzzcocks, and not a very good song anyway) in their car. It makes me want to eat my television and then shit it out again.

  • Mr Advert


    I hate this stupid dubbed crap advert it’s ALWAYS on as well. EXSHACTLY.

  • Mark

    Any advert with the irritating squeaky voice of Jane Horrocks, which amounts to a lot of ads. And I like Timothy Spall as an actor but the Wickes and British Gas ads do my noggin in; he sounds so bleedin’ smug in them. I have my own impression of him which goes something like “Wickes……I talk like a cun*”

    • The Professor

      What is it about Jane fucking Horrocks? She pops up everywhere. If I was a company I wouldn’t want her twee, patronising, nails down a blackboard voice in my ad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1286318054 Eric Bausor

    this ad is so far from reality it hurts my eyeballs, where and when has anybody seen student digs looking like a £1,000,000 docklands apartment.In my experience they are nee deep in empty pizza boxes,beer cans discarded underwear this is not reality. perhaps only rich kids can afford infinity

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1286318054 Eric Bausor

     well done marky fella you made me chuckle outload

  • Joshuadrooney

     Can you please look at this new shitty Persil advert? They’ve monstered a Queen classic in a way that makes me want to put my foot through my television every time I see this fucking shit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aNGh-9kTuE

  • Jakk meoff

    Secret fucking Escapes. Oooh don’t tell anyone because I don’t want all the plebs listening to me being done up the catflap in some shitty hotel.

  • Sparkysox

    Fooking secret escapes advert with that stupid whispering woman, fuck off, that is all

  • Grwatt

    I’m sure it has been mentioned previously but the ad for secret escapes surely must’ve been commissioned for the cable service in hell. I hope the actress involved has her luggage stolen or lost on every fucking holiday she ever has for the rest of her life.

  • Steph

    the tetley advert. oh now, how horrible it must be to have well-meaning people congratulate you on getting your ‘dream job’. and if you don’t know who that bloke from accounts is, why did you add him to your facebook in the first place? stuck up cow…

  • The Ad Hater

    The latest Rosetta Stone advert. They’ve made a godawful opera just like what Go Compare has done. I wish the advertisers would just fuck right off with the singing shit! I HATE THIS ADVERT!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRl-eLF-ZIk

  • Brentford

    The professional yorkshire arsewipe on the Plusnet broadband ads

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003529521808 Bear Colley

    Secret Escapes – stupid woman, stupid advert, stupid concept, repeated about a zillion times per day – beginning to drive me insane – pretentious and crappy ,,,

  • Hooky

    I’d like to suggest an international adturd. Go to msnbc.com or nbcnews.com and watch any video. Pretty soon you’ll see an ad for t-mobile about break ups. I find it quite challenging to watch. Also, have you seen the banner ad on youtube for acer that features Kiefer Sutherland? It states that Kiefer is “coming for your eggs”. Nice imagery.

  • choices

    bt secret escapes go compare most of them are crap and anoying how come the bt one he just gives his wifi details like that when they spend all this time to keep our networks secure load of crap

  • Kfarring

    That fiesta advert with the keyless entry is stupid! The concept is billed as a solution to losing your keys but you still need to have them in your handbag to open the car. So they only solve the lost key problem if you know that your keys are in your bag… Well if I know that they’re in my bag, I haven’t lost them!!! keyless entry does not stop me losing my keys, it just means that my car opens automatically and I don’t need to press 1 button on my key fob!!!! Then they run the tagline “with fiesta, you only have to know they’re in there….somewhere” accompanied with a shot of the woman throwing a handbag about the same size as a wallet onto the seat. I don’t envisage her having too many issues rummaging around in that bag to find the keys! My question for ford is, what do I do when my keys are stuck down the back of the sofa or lost somewhere when I don’t actually know where they are? Y’know… The definition of lost??? Ok the keyless entry is clever, if a little gimmicky, but don’t try to flog it as a solution to something that it doesn’t solve!

  • Annoyed Wolves

    Any, literally any advert with dentists or ‘dental technicians’ or in fact any twat saying shit like ‘I like fruit, but some tit told me it might damage my teeth’ well, just eat a fucking balanced diet.
    Or that new infuriating shit arse of an advert supposedly at the offices of Colgate where he tells some bint that blood on her floss may be a sign of gum disease. It’s Colgate! get someone at the lab to look at her. Poor cow!

  • Paul Catlow

    Forced by circumstances to watch daytime TV. God, it’s vile and the adverts are worse. Just after “This Morning”, the Littlewoods catalogue company does adverts where a professional clothes-horse leaps out clad in catalogue chic. The promise is that you too can dress in the height of sophistication if you dress from Littlewoods. But.. do they know about the loud, brassy, muisc that plays behind the model as she poses? It’s the theme played in those notorious Italian Stripping Housewives shows, where some hapless bint gets a question wrong, and has to divest herself of clothing….is the theme “Dress with Littlewoods and you will demonstrate you have the taste and discretion of a contestant on a sleazy Italian game show? Well, you win’t be dressed in anything much for very long!”

  • DavidC

    Dyson’s “digital motor” is patronising, lying bullshit from the king of over-designed over-priced crappy products that solve problems that we don’t have. I wull definitely be approaching the ASA over this one.

  • Daddy Fantastic

    As mentioned before, those demanding Spanish hookers stealing our broadband for British people. Jingoism asides, BT inability to provide any form of customer relationship, shoddy services and a history of terrible adverts catapults this utterly pointless advert into my top ten adverts that appeal to bellends.

  • Maxtaro
    • The Ad Hater

      Another one of these? For fuck sake Asda, no one gives a shit if X products were cheaper than Y! I hate the voiceover in this ad too. “…cheaper on more than the twice the products in Tesco, that’s the blue one, Sainsburys, that’s the orange one and Morrisons, that’s the yellow one…” Fuck off you patronising twat! Also, I really don’t care if you are the cheapest supermarket for however many fucking years!

  • Barryfromwales

    Any advert for Just For Men – this effort featuring Luis Figo (why, oh fucking why??) is by no means the worst. Utterly brainless shite:

  • The Ad Hater

    The dreaded Halifax choir are back with another shit cover. This time they have BUTCHERED Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is.”
    FUCK OFF!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HHNGDr_jp4

    • The Professor

      Why oh why oh why oh why oh why won’t they just FUCK OFF?

      • Lizard

        Obviously it is because they are CUNTS.
        Did you not know that bankers -esp HBOS- are cunts ?

  • Srapture

    An advert for some women’s product keeps pronouncing elixir like “El-ix-ee-er” which is annoying me when i see it. Also, they keep fucking trying to convince people to consider BB as an acronym for blemish balm. It’s ball bearing and it always will be. Deal with it xD

    • Steph

      My bf has decided it’s ‘bruised bollock’ cream. Though quite why they’d need an anti aging variant of that is a mystery to me at least.

  • Degsie

    The bloody Halifax choir!!! Why don’t you all fuck off back behind the counter and do your jobs instead of warbling “I’ll be there” when clearly you won’t because you’re all doing my head in with your shite singing. Halifax – you’ve got a nerve! And you’ve got a shit bank.

  • The Ad Hater

    Another advert to add to the crimes against music. This Truvia advert rips off the “Truly Scrumptious” song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Fuck off Silver Spoon, how dare you twats ruin a CLASSIC!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNuCZb5qDrY

  • Adsandthat

    Those shit Tombola adverts, the ones where they go flying kites, going to the fair, abseiling, ect. I’d love to see a version where they’re all sitting in a grubby council house, eating cold own-brand beans and watching Jeremy Kyle after they pissed away all their life savings and developed a massive gambling addiction.

  • JMofWgn

    Secret escapes – shit advert and shit company. rip off bunch of tossers

  • Steph

    the bloody ‘zeebox’ sponsorship adverts. this is roughly what I imagine was going through the advert agency’s collective brain-fart filled skulls: ‘ZOMG!1!11 LETZ HAVE LIEK ‘FUN FACTS’ BUT NOT REALLI FACTS JUST UTTER BULLSHIT ABOUT SLUSHIES AND MARMOSETS! SOOOO RANDOM! SOOOOO FUNNEEEEE! <3 <3 <3 ^_^ '

  • The Ad Hater

    Bruce Willis in that fucking Sky Broadband advert. It’s on all the time and it’s just BLOODY ANNOYING!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyDs1QA_avU&feature=channel&list=UL

  • YamaMaya


    This NHS public service announcement for bowel cancer has all the makings of an ad turd (literally). Take one part TMI, one part immature toilet lingo (POO HAHAHA), and one part hilariously apropriately named doctor and what do you have? This advert, that’s what.

    • Steph

      Yeah, trying to save people’s lives by encouraging early detection. Those absolute BASTARDS.

  • The Ad Hater

    That fucking John Lewis advert which goes on for too long and is shown practically every ad break! It has absolutely NOTHING to do with JL other than the “Never Knowingly Unsold” slogan which appears in the last 5 seconds. They could’ve easily done this in a 30 second advert but no they had to make this go on for A MINUTE AND A FUCKING HALF!

  • Steph

    L’oreal Revitalift advert: ‘the Daily Mail says it really works!’ well bloody hell I’d better get ordering in a job lot with an endorsement like that. I bet the bookies have stopped taking bets for the next Nobel prize for physiology and medicine winners too.

  • Lizard

    I wonder how much money those ACHICA fuckers are chucking at the TV channels (yes, BBC included) to seriously bore anybody with half a brain.
    I reckon they must be total SHIT if they imagine their message supports their flimsy proposition. Just FUCK OFF …

  • @kanesimms

    … Fuckin mint site this like. Had me in creases for the past hour.

    I’ve got hundreds of these cunts, just forgive me if some have been mentioned, I haven’t been through the whole site. Ill post a few over the next few days, but for now;

    First up is Ramsdens gold. The snot green greedy cunts that want everyone’s heirlooms off them for pennies. The dodgy editing in the ad looks like they’ve got some silly spotty student to knock something up on Windows Movie Maker. Two particularly horrible parts; the scene in one of the shops with the quote “whether broken or unhallmarked”. Cringe worthy acting and the amateurish refocus that looks like a five year old’s sat behind the camera pissing about with the flashing knobs. Secondly, the end. The desperate attempt to show the country their vast empire’s locations by getting alledged staff members to make absolute tits of themselves; “From Cardiff, to London, to Newcastle, to Edinburgh” – probably the only locations they have. Makes me think ‘go on, just a bit further’; “to Aberdeen”… Bit further; “to Inverness”… Go on; “to Armadale”… Now fuck off.

  • Steve

    The god awful Vanish advert with the teacher asking the kids what colour her clothes are. It’s shit without taking into account the English dubbed over the original European. Makes me want to kick the telly in, Bottom style.

  • The Ad Hater

    That fucking gross NHS ‘blood in your poo’ advert currently shown on the TV. Yesterday I saw this advert shown at 1 o’clock in the FUCKING AFTERNOON! Yes, they showed this at the time most people would be EATING their lunch. What the fuck were you thinking NHS?!

  • Paul

    How about the new Gilette advert that features those people (admittedly I have no idea who they are) that seem to have a distinct Inspector Clouseau-esque look about them? The smugness is unbearable, although I may have missed the joke. Mon dieu!

  • http://www.facebook.com/andyb87 Andy Beaumont

    Those two stupid bitches in the shite Harvey’s furniture ads that sponsor Coronation Street. What the hell is the point in those dumbass actors who say pointless drivvle!

  • Rabbit

    The latest Sky Movies adverts. So absolutely dreadful, they make me want to smash my face against a wall. Firstly; talking fucking popcorn, really??? Secondly; camp talking popcorn doing a “happy dance” because its ‘mum’ (good lord) is going to put a film on! Thirdly; if this is a mother and son popcorn, why has the ‘son’ got the voice of a middle aged man and not the voice of a child? It just sounds weird. Fourthly; surely a living, talking piece of popcorn is going to be shit scared of someone putting a film on because, chances are, it’s going to get eaten! This is the equivalent to Bernard Matthews doing an ad campaign in the run up to Christmas with a load of talking camp turkeys dancing and celebrating the upcoming traditional Christmas dinner. All in all, a pretty fucked up adturd.

  • Paul C

    That Perle De Lait yoghurt advert, where a dark-haired female with unruly hair partakes of the magic curdled milk product, her hair blows into shape, and she is revealed to be winsome TV pundit Dawn Porter. Can we trust the extravagant claims she makes for the product? After all, she fronted a show called “Dawn Porter Goes Naked” – and didn’t. She followed this up with “Dawn Porter goes Lesbian” – and wimped out, staying straight. That’s two breaches of the Trades Descriptions Act to her name – and now she’s advertising yoghurt as if it were the serum of eternal youth and health. go figure.

    • Paul C

      The stuff does seem to do magic, though. The first woman to be revealed as the unruly hair is swept aside has a much thinner face , thin lips and two large blemishes on the left-hand side of her chin and cheek. A second or two later she is magically transformed into the smiling Dawn porter, who has an utterly blemish-free chin. Watch and marvel as the skin-cleansing powers of Perle De Lait!

      • Steph

        dude, i’m pretty sure that woman ISN’T Dawn Porter…

  • The Lizard

    ACHICA : bugger me -as I type this the bloody ad came on -excuse me while I pass a turd to mark the occasion.
    Let’s not be forgetting that 0.001% discount fits the “up to 75% off the recommended retail price” shriek line.
    Also let’s not forget that Thatcher supposedly outlawed the “recommended retail price” -regrettably another ridiculous British pseudo-”law” that is never enforced. A bit like the “50% off” crap that Waitrose, Morrissons, Tesco and the rest of the UK FOOD CARTEL think we are fooled by. (more honourable retailers like ASDA, Lidl do not indulge in this shit aimed at the plebs).

  • jc

    Any bloody toothpaste advert with ‘members of the public’ feigning shock at their plaque. No wonder they can’t get proper acting jobs. At least the Just for Men adverts, and Odoreaters from years ago are/were dubbed from American, so they had an excuse.

  • Steph

    sorry i know i am hammering this page at the moment but i recently got TV again after a year of not having it… and absence has in no way made the heart grow fonder, so here goes another rant…
    WHY the ear-splitting fuck has filling adverts with screaming/shouting become an accepted advertising technique? At the moment ladbrokes is doing its best to induce a national migraine but specsavers, halfords et al have also been guilty recently. please. for the love of my mute button. stop.

  • http://twitter.com/tirionfordring1 tirion fordring

    not so much an ad but a persons voice in the ads adrian simpson, doing sky vegas ads,kitchen compare and just about every other advert on tv im sick of his bland voice and i want to punch him in the face

  • The Professor

    Apple for patronising the fuck out of us about the earphones for the iphone 5. Like the last decade of supplying possibly the worst quality earphones ever never happened. The nerve!

  • http://twitter.com/ellie_d Ellie D’Silva

    Surely the new Facebook spot? Oh my god it makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon/hand saw. http://youtu.be/c7SjvLceXgU

  • Tenpasenta vicar

    The New Sky+ adverts, Wossy, who the fuck are you and your c list mates talking too? You’re looking at my fire place, and that’s not buying Sky.

    • Mark Collyer

      • Tenpasenta vicar

        I’ve noticed more and more adverts with people looking left of camera, fucking annoying, are they all done by the same agency? Another annoying trait was with people on a white background gesticulating like it was going out of fashion, I guess where one ad agency leads the rest follow and make cunts out of themselves.

  • The Ad Hater

    Nurofen Express advert. “Excuse me what can you tell me about Nurofen Express?” Well, having watched Watchdog this week I can tell you that it’s a load of FUCKING BOLLOCKS! Seriously, it’s the same fucking thing as the OWN BRAND supermarket stuff. Also, this so called “Express” is the same thing as the older Nurofen without the word ‘Express’ on the package. It’s all complete BULLSHIT!

  • momo

    Hi i love your site. Please, pretty pretty pretty bloody drop dead gorgeous please could you fisk that bloody annoying tk maxx ad with mr supercool voice going on about streetsmarts, bloggers, bargainistas (aghhhhhh) and all those bloody annoying twats looking into the camera with their smug knowing looks. I went on youtube hoping to read some deliciously insulting comments but they all love it on there, the fools! And if you love it too i think i will cry. Please someone share the hate with me.

    • Mark

      Isn’t that the ad with the guy sporting a bushy ginger beard? If he thinks appearing in an advert is going to get him a girlfriend he’s barking up the wrong shrub, the flame haired twat (no offence to any flame haired twat visitors to this blog).

  • Steph

    the barclays ‘personalised card’ ad.

    ‘your card can be a little less banky, and a little more…’ there is a pause. there is one word alone which both rhymes, fits in with the context and is also deliciously satirically apt.
    surely, surely the next word is ‘wanky’.

    ‘a little more…well, you!’

    did barclays just call me a wanker?

    • The Professor

      Seriously, after fucking us over for all these years, is this the best they can do? My hatred for this pathetic gesture, and the softcock ad that goes with it, is surpassed only by the vitriol I reserve for THAT BLOODY HALIFAX CHOIR!

  • Zola

    A question rather than a rant. Why are Cow & Gate using a song about date rape to advertise their baby food? Doesn’t *anybody* listen to the bloody lyrics of the songs they’re using? Oh, ok. It has turned into a bit of a rant.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

      What’s the song? I’ve not seen that ad.

      • Steph

        ‘come on eileen’ (hurr hurr, geddit?). though actually, i’m not joking, it really is. not sure what that’s got to do with date rape though….

  • Scunner

    Ads that promise to save the world if only you’d buy their product. You…yes YOU! You wouldn’t let little babies die of newborn tetanus would you? What kind of sick fuck would stand idly by and do nothing when you could buy our product and save them all. Oh yes, you know it makes sense. It’s that or have those lives on you coscience….Pampers has the answer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.warner.733 Richard Warner

    Has anyone seen that sky ad for sunrise featuring eamonn Holmes, sitting in the back of a cab with a stupid grin on his face that i only serves to show his sense of smug self satisfaction? In it he suggests getting up in he morning is difficult and he lives for the news story. Bollocks! He gets up in the morning because of his enormous pay cheque. The whole ad reeks if insincerity and that smug grin really pisses me off. Please feature.

    • Tenpasenta vicar

      Eamonn loves doing Sky news so much that he fucks off to ITV once a week to do This Morning instead.

  • The Ad Hater

    The DFS Christmas advert with the Elves. FUCK OFF, IT’S OCTOBER!

    • Steph

      I know right, people on my facebook are even already harping on that they haven’t seen the christmas coca-cola advert yet! guess what idiots, some of us still want christmas to be a special day, not a 3 month-long bukakke of tinsel prematurely ejaculated into our faces by eejits hawking overpriced shite.

      • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

        Woah, Steph. Say that again.

        • Steph

          lol, sorry ;) it does make my blood boil though, i’m sick of christmas before it even comes these days!

    • Tenpasenta vicar

      You can’t trust shops who have a 365 day sale each year.

  • kindofdrunk

    Jesus Tapdancing Christ that Yaris Hybrid advert just came on and it was fucking shit as fuck. Whoever the bastard is that came up with that utter dogshit is a right twat. I hope the all the wheels fall of his fucking car.

    • Tenpasenta vicar

      After reading about recent Toyota recalls they very well might.

  • Kfarring

    What is it with adverts that are teaching children to mess about with their food? Its disgusting! When I was a kid, if I was caught playing with my food then I got a bollocking! I’m trying to teach my kids to eat properly and have table manners while companies like dairylea are encouraging kids to stick their cheese in between biscuits then squeeze it so it goes all over your fingers and comes up through the holes! Fuck off!!! But the biggest offender is oreo! if I catch my kid sitting there pulling biscuits apart, licking them, sticking them back together again, then dipping them in a drink before finally eating the fucking thing, they’ll be sent to bed without dinner. Not that I’ll be buying them Oreos anyway.

  • lustingforlucifer

    The Tenna lady ‘oops, my heart went oops!’ advert is back on
    rotation again. For those uninitiated with this ad. here’s brief synopsis: A female office worker stands far too close to closing
    lift doors and gets her purple dress stuck as the lift starts to rapidly
    ascend in a manner reminiscent of a Final Destination movie death
    scene. The actress shrills in a combination of mock embarrassment,
    mortification and gleeful abandon as her uprising dress reveals her
    carefully colour-coordinated choice of underwear to a male co-worker who
    happens to have his head at eye level to her musty delights. She’s
    flustered, there’s paperwork all over the place, he’s….flustered, both
    of them will probably have to return home and change into new clothing
    for the rest of the day. Cut to a later scene of the actress confiding
    with another female co-worker, retelling the sordid story, snorting and
    giggling profusely and giving a crestfallen gasp over the realisation that the male colleague may have
    glanced at her lilac-lined leisure trove and deducted ms pissypants might have an incontinence issue.

    • Steph

      with tena lights, you too can flirt with a hot guy whilst pissing yourself ….seductively.

    • Mark Howard

      She’s a fit lady though, shame she’s a bit pissy in the nether regions.

  • Daddy Fantastic

    BT have done it again, another prize turd of an advert. They’ve substituted the spanish transexual for a hallo’een student party. Funky! I was never keen on students when I was one now I hate students more than BT. Thanks tossers.

    • Mark Howard

      Oh yes, and the revelation that “we’re students love, can’t exactly afford fibre optic”. No, but you can afford the most expensive halloween costumes ever conceived, apart from the bloke dressed as a bog roll of course.

  • Mark

    The car hire ad with the brit and the american, arguing over the word ‘aluminium’. The brit tells the american “it’s got a u in it”. If the thick twat had listened properly he would have noticed that the american was neglecting to pronounce the letter i, not the letter u. Don’t care hire firms test the literacy skills of their workforce?

  • Tania Blackall

    I m looking for this video will you please add it

  • The hooded claw

    The awful KFC ads with that pally group of “lads” doing “lad” things like doing real pit stops when they play in their consoles or fooling their gullible chum into eating a mildly warmed over piece of chicken excrement.

    “That’s why we call them monkey bites”

    Yeah, piss off to the street corner with your vodka laced bottle of irn-bru.

    • Mark Howard

      Does my head in as well. Does anyone else make that stupid noise when they eat something hot? I seriously doubt it.

  • Steph

    the argos adverts are really pushing me over the edge and it’s only november.
    ‘don’t forget the garibaldis!’
    oh eff off.

    • Steph

      ‘have you written your letter to santa?’ ‘tweeting him as we speak’ arrrgh please tell me i’m not the only one who hates this!

      • Mark

        No, I’m with you there. Anybody who talks about tweeting anybody needs a good flagellating with a glass encrusted baseball bat.

    • Mark

      Ahem, yes. Garibaldi’s are what your granny eats after immersing them in a cup of tea for a millenia. Not a very contemporary choice for aliens. As for “I’ll have a pint of wasabi nuts while shopping from here”, don’t they teach you to say ‘please’ on your planet? P.S. absolutely hate wasabi, though I’m probably in a minority.

  • Steph

    the ‘calin+’ yoghurt advert.

    ‘are you getting enough vitamin D?’

    yes, because you see, there’s this amazing thing called sunlight which my skin is occasionally exposed to.

    ‘you should try it too!’

    don’t tell me what to do you smug bitch.

  • Mark Howard

    Oh dear, the ebay ad with the daft bint in her silly boots. Looks as if she went to an audition for panto as Dick Whittington and forgot to take the fuckers off.

  • Mark Howard

    I’m going to burn in the fires of hell for this one, but it’s a nappy ad; it’s that little girl who drags herself across the floor on her arse – it irritates the hell out of me. It reminds me of dogs who drag their arses on the floor because of itchy anal glands. If you’re reading this little girl FOR FUCKS SAKE CRAWL YOU LITTLE SHIT!!

  • Crap Telly

    those Ferrero Rocher adverts were sickly people get off over a fucking chocolate!! What simple lives you lead..

  • Mac

    That bloody Muller Corner ad , every time I hear that damn voice and the word pointilism , I feel like driving a red hot poker through my ears, on a similar note what’s all these 4G kevin fucking bacon ad’s – sick and tired of seeing him mincing around and rattling on about being connected, I’d like to connect him to the cold side of my fist.. feeling better now thanks

    • Steph

      ‘connect him to the cold side of my fist’ pahaha YES. thank god someone else hates the EE ads.

      ‘how about you bacon up to a new handset’
      how about you ‘bacon up’ to a bad case of norovirus – one that hopefully will wipe that smug look off your face whilst also eliminating the ridiculously long adverts, since now they can only be filmed for 30 seconds between toilet breaks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adam.regan.1804 Adam Regan

    The new (in fact any) Subway ad. Food made by shit heads for shit heads out of shit sold byb shit heads talking shit. “I’m turkey and you’re chicken” No you’re both cunts. And the implication that this is healthy food for “athletes” in red or blue gym kits would be laughable if it wasn’t so shit.

  • The Ad Hater

    Why the fuck are BT still showing the Halloween advert?! IT’S FUCKING DECEMBER!!

  • Crap Telly

    on a good note its good to see the go compare adds have turned a corner and strated taking the piss out of there own adds.. hey maybe its a new fad in advertising to take the piss out of oneself.

    • Mark

      I think they’ve committed a faux pas myself. Their choice of ‘celebs’ leaves a lot to be desired; the very first of those ads with Sue ‘laugh at anything and everything, including my granny’s funeral’ Barker set the tone. A good butt shunting with that rocket luancher would wipe the smirk of her stupid face……or maybe not :-(

  • http://www.facebook.com/nick.follett Nick Follett

    Please, please, please – the new CK One advert/adverts.

    I consider myself a fairly calm person these days, but the sight of this gaggle of coked-up, faux-intellectual, silver-spoon-in-my-colon hipsters jittering around a cleanroom like they’re the only people in the world who ever learnt how to have a good time actually makes me want to disembowel myself.

    Not the mention the skinny white man-child with the ostentatious hairdo who clearly believes he’s manifesting the results of his Herculean efforts in cosmic ordering as he delivers the world’s smuggest 90° gurn in an excruciatingly contrived attempt at coquettishness. I honestly don’t know whether to hate him or pity him.

    Fuck them. Fuck them all.

  • Mark

    Yet another bloody Vodafone ad. “I’ve been waiting for a girlfriend for three years”. Yeah, of course you have you stupid, geeky, speccy bastard; I suspect that the tendency to cream your trollies over a new portable telephone isn’t that appealing to the opposite gender. And Yoda needs a slap.

  • Mark

    Now this is a good ad.

  • Mark

    That Bleu de Chanel ad. “I’m not going to be the person I’m expected to be anymore”. Yeah, thanks for that pearl of stupidity you smug, pretentious piece of shit. I can only guess the question to him went something like “Are you going to continue being a cunt?”

  • The_Professor

    “The Colonel. He’d often stop by, roll up his sleeves, and show everyone else how it’s done.” Would he f*ck!

    • Steph

      it’s rolling chicken legs in fucking prepacked crumb, how much can there be to friggin show?!

  • The Ad Hater

    The M&Ms advert. “Hey Babe, I could really do with a snack.” Then get up off your arse and get one yourself you lazy impolite BITCH!

    • Steph

      haha, agreed. could she ask in a more passive aggressive way? idle entitled hagfish.

  • Steph

    i really dislike the calin+ ‘my mother fell and was housebound for months because she didn’t eat our chalky ass yoghurt’ advert…seems they are ploughing that same emotional blackmail furrow that aviva life insurance started with the ‘dead dad’ bucketful of toxically manipulative sludge…

  • numkelfutumch

    Just found this site in a search result whilst looking for something else. I don’t know which is more worrying to me, the fact that there is a site to bitch about adverts, or, the fact that you sad fuckers all watch these adverts closely enough to be wound up/pissed off etc…

    Get a fucking life you dumb cunts. Adverts are there to talk total shite to you, look away, change the channel, do whatever it takes but for fucks sake don’t sit there watching the shit then come here and moan how shit and annoying it was. Fucking idiots.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

      For fuck’s sake. Only the most stupid people in the world type this kind of shite. And you never have the fucking nerve to put your names to it either, you deeply pathetic, dozy fucking bag of balls. People like you are the most idiotic people on the internet – and that’s saying something.

    • Steph

      the irony of being called a sad fucker by someone who was ‘wound up/pissed off’ enough to write this little sermon rather than ‘changing the website’ or ‘getting a life’.

      pssst. ‘numkelfutumch’. ‘satire’ is not a mythological greek goat, and ‘hyperbole’ is not a new chain of bowling alleys.

    • Gimmestrength

      Dear Numkelfutumuch… I’ll call you Fucknuts for short. You’re a moron. Cheerio.

    • Mark

      You seem to have overlooked the irony here, and besides there is nothing like a good moan, and this site offers like-minded folk the chance to share their chagrin (look away from your copy of FHM or Nuts or whatever your wank mag of choice is for a moment and check that one in a dictionary). Now kindly fuck off.

  • Angelus

    Will somebody please do something about the greasy ginger student twat on the BT adverts. Lets face it, all BT adverts have been completely crap since they got rid of Beatty in the ’80s – ” you got an ‘ology then your a scientist” – bring her back!

  • Gimmestrength

    Bugger the Mayan calendar and 2012: surely, today I am witnessing the end of the world as I know it!

    Nope. There is no meteor about to hit the Pacific, no super volcano about to blow the world to bits. Justin Beiber is still an irritating little twat. My friends, something far more disturbing is upon us and Kimberly-Clarke Worldwide, the owners of Andrex, clearly have the solution. Before they tell us though, first they must polarise the population into two divisions. And how will they do this? By finding out how I wipe my own arse!

    What? Am I going mad? Did I really just see this advert? Did a group of individuals just share their ablutionary tips with the great British populace? And did a voice-over then invite me to andrex.co.uk to share mine? Seriously, I have just visited the site and there is the message: ‘Join the debate’… on Facebook!

    Debate? Debate what? The Middle East? Gay marriage? Climate change? The existence of one or more deities or the lack thereof? Nope. How you wipe your backside! I’m all for freedom of expression, but isn’t this taking social networking just a little too far? Is there a revolution coming I am only learning of today? Scrunchers vs Folders? What?

    I am clearly going insane. The world around me is flipping its lid. Then again, perhaps this is some kind of strange government experiment to control us all through the medium of arse-wiping!

    Well, Andrex marketing department: from now on I am going to get a puppy, shove it right up there and give it a good old rummage and scrape! Hope this helps.

  • dale

    the new mc d advert takes the piss,making out all northern people are common,let see what mr mc d says when there stores are xxxxxx across the north.

    • Steph

      wow, i didn’t get that impression from the advert at all. at least you you won’t want to be lining maccies pockets by buying french fries – not with the size of that chip that’s already on your shoulder :P

  • Steph

    the kinder bueno advert.

    ‘[this chocolate bar is] light, but a bit boring’
    ‘what about that one?’
    ‘oh nooo, it’s heavy’.

    SAID NO ONE IN REAL LIFE EVER.

  • The_Professor

    The Vanish “Tip-Exchange” on Facebook. I don’t go onto social media sites to line turn myself into some kind of corporate whore. They don’t seem to get this do they? These people must be actors, surely…. who the fucking fuck would actually do that?

  • Jack

    What about the DFS Sale that seems to have been going on or ‘ending soon’ for about 10 fucking years?

    • The_Professor

      I started paying attention to this recently. Not only are the adverts generally lazy and shite, the company should probably be reported to the ASA (not that they would do anything about it). Their winter sale was extended from January into February, ending one sunday. Then the following week they announced a “Flash Event!” which apparently ended last weekend. Now apparently their “Spring Collection” is half price or better. The whole thing is one big con – but it’s not like it’s any secret!

  • http://www.facebook.com/eoinjones Eoin Jones

    A talking crab who wants to build a construction empire out of used tampons. What were they smoking when they come up with that concept? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNIyDxeOL38

  • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.j.harris.14 Stephen J Harris

    Cancer Research UK ‘Race For Life 2013′ TV ad – 60 sec advert

    The metaphorical transformation of cancer into an anthropomorphic figure of familial annoyance advertises only the self-indulgent society sick with sentimentalisation in which it was conceived. Royal funeral, anyone?

    The notion that it can be ‘beaten’ through the expression of frustrated regional-accented angst and distorted guitar rather than pragmatic science is an insult to the intelligence and compassion of the more stoic sufferer and their families. Are the bereaved and affected meant to feel somehow bad for not shaking their fists at each other harder? Or not dressing up more wackily and jogging around a park more defiantly?

    Most dangerous for children is to be exposed to this naive charade of suffering and potential cure through infantilised hope. As if shouting louder will make it turn around. Cancer is not a pantomime.

    And sponsored by Tesco? Isn’t it their budget range of offcut horsemeat spineburgers that cause the accumulation of carcinogens in the very same demographic they’re encouraging to ire and sponsored walking?

    “Cancer you prat” “Up yours cancer”.
    No. “Up yours junior adspeak drivel-merchant. You prat”
    Dignify the whole thing or just leave it alone.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

      yes, very dubious about this

    • Mark

      I’m glad it’s not just me, I was worried about the prospect of a
      lynching if I came on and criticised the Cancer ad. The pinnacle is
      indeed the old lady venting her spleen – “Cancer you prat”. Poor cancer
      must be crying itself to sleep after those harsh words.

  • Mark

    The Money Supermarket ads never cease to annoy me. The ‘astronaut’ Alan is as funny as the previous characters in these ads, i.e. not funny. I find these ads more irritating than the Go Compare ads, and that is some achievement. the radio ads are equally as unfunny. I can never see Tom Baker again in the same light, the Daleks can waste him.

  • bean

    The latest 2013 TalkTalk radio advert with children saying “where are they where are they? Easter eggs! Chocolate!” Did they get the local primary school to write the script???? Ugh. Even if TalkTalk was an actually good network I wouldn’t use them simply because of how irritating this ad is.

  • Jebediah

    Ask MA. Creepy grandma lectures dysfunctional family who still live in a 1970s Play for Today grim world. It’s like a scene from a horror movie where grandma is possessed by the house poltergeist.

  • Mac

    That bleeding dubbed saniflo add keeps getting resurrected, there is
    something more than sinister about that bloke with the stay pressed dungarees ,“Excuse me madam I need to check the plumbing upstairs “ While he disappears for a good old rifling and snurgle through the dirty linen basket…dirty bastard

  • Steph

    continuing the horrible trend started by halfords and specsavers involving migraine-inducing, mute-button eroding screaming crotchfruits in their ads, cuprinol have jumped on the bandwagon with, of all things, a fucking crying shed. JUST WHY.

    • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

      Well Done Steph. ‘screaming crotchfruit’ is undoubtedly the most horrible phrase on the whole site. Some doing that!

      • Steph

        Well you know me, I aim to please. I thought I might have already taken the title with ‘tinsel bukakke’ so this is a welcome surprise!

        • http://www.robinbrown.co.uk/ Robin Brown

          You know, a mere 15 years there were probably a dozen people in the world who might get that reference.

    • Mark

      Enjoying the love in, how about a threesome? Must be the subliminal influence of the phrase ‘tinsel bukakke’.

  • HMorten

    That ridiculous advert for exterior paint with an idiot feeding a bottle of milk to his crying shed should be banned.

  • siemprearto@yahoo.com

    apparently we are all now able to part of the lookers family. thank you lookers, thank you for your love and kindness.
    message for timothy spall: ‘wickes’ has only 1 syllable

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.collyer.3 Mark Collyer

    Those silly cunts blowing things and waving their arm about in a vain attempt to jump on the now old Gangnam style band wagon, it’s so awful I have to dip the volume and don’t know what they’re trying to advertise.

  • Neal Brodsky

    The new Airwaves advert. Dear god it’s AWFUL!!! I’ve only seen it in the last 7 days ago or so. I couldn’t find the UK version video, but I’m sure you can. Here it is:

    • Neal Brodsky

      If chewing Airwaves gum will turn me into a tragi-comic racist ethnic stereotype with a predilection for blowing whatever phallic object finds its way into my mouth, then I’ll have to take a pass, Wrigley.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.collyer.3 Mark Collyer

    Who is that screechy cunt singing in those Sony phone adverts? I may never buy Sony ever again.

    • Mark

      It’s David Bowie, I only guessed when he started his faux cockney rap part of the way through the ‘song’. I checked it out and it’s from an album he recorded in 1977 called Low. That high pitched bit does my noggin in as well; it’s akin to somebody dragging their fingernails down a blackboard…..very slowly.

  • Bart Littlebird

    I’d nominate the latest advert for some cadburys chocolate bar (I think it’s cadburys anyway) where the girl sings about how she fancies her boyfriend’s dad in his argyle sweater. I mean WTF!? It is deeply deeply disturbing and wrong.

    • Steph

      YES I hate this too. I don’t understand why we’re supposed to identify with a heartbreaking, homewrecking imp with a weird mouth :(

      • Bart Littlebird

        The more I see the advert, the more I hate it. The girl really is a total wee bitch! Are we supposed to find her funny or something? If so I really can’t see it.

    • Mark

      The poor boyfriend will now have to turn to his mum for ‘comfort’. The plot thickens. :-L

  • Andy

    An adturd that actually has a turd in it? A turd resting on a dog’s back? A singing turd getting a lift from a dog? Go straight to the EDF Blue advert for something that is guaranteed to put you off your TV dinner.

    • Steph

      A flesh-coloured turd, no less. A mate of mine actually works for EDF, I asked him what the hell that thing was about. He said it wasn’t a turd (was supposed to be a flame or something) it has a name (which I couldn’t even be bothered to remember) and that they all love it in the office. FFS.

  • Steph

    lol, I hate that song too…it’s in the same creepy bracket as Gary Puckett ‘Young Girl’. And that girl is definitely gonna grow up to be an even more insufferable version of Katie Hopkins, though none of us thought such a feat even possible…

  • Mark

    WIll somebody tell Johnny Vegas that staring at his ‘mum’s’ fat arse isn’t comedy, it’s very poor slapstick, and even thirty years ago it wouldn’t have raised a smirk. The predecessors to the current PG Tips add weren’t great, but this one is cringeworthy, the crappy rendition of ‘aint no mountain high enough’ makes me pray for premature deafness. Aint no pit deep enough for the shower of bastards who created this ad.

  • Mark

    That precocious little shit needs a metaphorical slap (my disclaimer). “Ooh, look at me, I’m an entrepreneur”. No you little fuck, you’re just some brat with a stall in a street where tourists would never venture, so I’m guessing your dad must be a bus driver with a bad sense of direction.

  • Mark

    This one appears further down the list but it’s being broadcast again, i.e. the Bruce Willis Sky broadband ad. That girl needs telling that he’s old enough to be her grandfather. And this business of “it’s totally unlimited…as am I”! So Bruce, roughly translated this means she takes it up the shitter. Enjoy.

  • Mark

    A fitting tribute to Barry Scott.

  • Steph

    PetSmart: ‘Here’s my cat Katie. She doesn’t like thinking about fleas.’ How do you know? Did you fucking ask her?

  • Stephen Montay

    Ladbrokes have really done the whole, ‘hyperactive Italian bloke’ thing to death now, its just getting silly! This got old a long long time ago and needs to stop now! I remember the first time I saw one of these adverts and thought, “oh look, that’s the bloke who went mental on the Italian soccer Saturday the other week, that’s mildly amusing.” But he had his 15 minutes of youtube fame, it came, it went and that was all he ever warranted. He is no longer relevant or funny! The fact that ladbrokes have strung out this same ad campaign scenario for this amount of time is ridiculous! Please, please make it stop!!!

  • Mark

    I’m not a violent person but I’d make an exception for this prick.

  • Bart Littlebird

    Aaaaagh! They have brought back that sickening Oreos advert back with that horrid little girl teaching her dad how to eat Oreos. That’s another advert that I find profoundly disturbing.

    I’m seeing a trend here, perhaps I should just do a blanket nomination of all adverts that have precocious kids in them.

  • Nigel

    What about that walking abomination, “SER WHEN I WANNER WEAR MA VINTAGGGE DRESSSS….” I think it’s for ariel, but it makes me so angry I can’t remember…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=625188853 Eileen Brown

    Cadbury’s Crispello – uncomfortable

  • Bart Littlebird

    Shot of toddler on beach in swimming gear with mum putting sunscreen on her, immediately cuts to shot of furtive looking man crawling through sand dunes with camera saying ‘lets get closer’…. Hmmm that’s not dodgy at all. Well done Boots, such a well thought out advert.

  • Stephen Montay

    Injury lawyers for you. Yeah, I’m sure that’s how they transport tennis balls!!! All loaded loose and individually into an open back lorry, secured with flimsy chain link doors which fly open when you go round a corner, thereby spilling tennis balls everywhere!!! What a load of old shit!!!

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