Tell me what this baffling job description means

See if you can work out what the hell this role entails from the jargon-addled, circumlocutious job description for a Head of Marketing Communications & Public Relations position. I can’t fathom it.

Role: Head of Marketing Communications & Public Relations
Location: West Midlands
Job Description:

Present the marketing communications team as ambassadors of excellence in the field of B2B marketing, to encourage trust and partnership with the Business Unit teams and through the Supply Chain Be the Company’s marketing communications expert and Brand custodian. Manage the Brand strategy and adherence to the associated policies Work with internal stakeholders (specifically business units, strategy and HR managers) to develop media neutral communications strategies to support business plan objectives (brand, customer development, acquisition & retention) including supporting Work Winning and Business Development cross-functionally In conjunction with the other Group Marketing and Communications Heads, Business Unit Managers and Strategy team, develop a communications strategy (national and international), bringing to the discussion specific expertise and knowledge of the company’s integrated solutions, services and construction market and business objectives Develop supportive brand media strategies to inspire and engage the Customer building loyalty and leveraging ‘word of mouth’ Develop tactical guerrilla brand media strategies with our agency partners to deliver the communications strategies to best value for money and KPIs Develop the New media communications strategy and plan, ensuring the company tops the appropriate Natural Search listings relevant to its customers Oversee delivery of integrated business unit through the line communications, bringing expertise and knowledge in making communications compelling, relevant and differentiated Liaise and co-ordinate with wider marketing teams to achieve integrated through the line communications with all activities – i.e. Operational business unit marketing, Customer Experience & Insight, PR, Internal Communications Deliver ad hoc communications for tactical activities where required, in line with wider context of the company’s marketing strategy. E.g. Responsible for all business based Sponsorships Manage and develop relationships with our agencies to the extent that they become partners to Company’s rather than suppliers. Manage and develop the ‘design’ for in-house graphics & print (individuals report to their Business unit line managers). Consider in-source vs. outsource models and ensure best practice Exceed internal stakeholder expectations by proactive management throughout strategic development and delivery of communications. i.e. drive proactive Sustainability and Health & Safety (Target Zero) marcomms plans Be responsible for the marketing communications budget Evaluate communications effectiveness, direct learning’s and KPIs to continually improve Manage and develop the Brand Advisor

Why the Random Caps? Where the punctuation, or – for that matter – syntax? WHat do these phrases mean, outside the head of a marketing wonk? And, dear God, the apostrophe abuse.

More to the point, will anyone come away from reading this with any idea whatsoever of what this job entails, apart from a load of old marketing-PR bullshit?

Just imagine, in the distant future, this job description is the only surviving document of our times; the only thing upon which future generations will base their opinions of us. They’d think we were completely batshit crazy. And they’d be right.

  • OK, so this blurs the lines of what’s actually an advert. But it’s definitely shit.