Look at my grinding machine! It can grind anything! Oranges! Shoes! Tampons! Sanitary pads!
Want to know why I’m spending so much time on grinding female sanitary products? Because my grinding machine can grind anything!
I can grind up water bottles or paint tins, even when they’re full. You might want to know why I don’t empty them first, but you don’t understand that my grinding machine can grind anything!
Want to know why I’m grinding up a US army blanket soaked in water? Because my grinding machine can grind anything!
Do you have heavy duty grinding needs? Do you need to grind fresh fruit? Have a lot of shoes you don’t know how to dispose of? Then look no further! My grinding machine can grind anything!
Cars! Life-size Richard Nixon mannequins! Replica Sherlock Holmes deerstalkers! Opportunity Knocks DVD cases! My grinding machine can grind anything!
See the wonderful metal shavings I can lovingly fondle in my hands! My workmens’ soft, pink fingers! A Bontempi organ with dozens of pre-prgrammed hi-energy electionic music! My grinding machine can grind anything!
See how even celery is pulled inexorably into its vaguely obscene gaping, foaming maw!
See how your puny sofa is now a ragged mess of dismembered fabric and splintered wood!
With a dozen such machines I could grind the world! My grinding machine can grind anything!