For the last time this year I’ve trawled the AdTurds keywords from Google Analytics, which is increasingly like panning for gold in liquid shit.
For the uninitiated these are search terms used by people who ended coming to the site, so they provide a valuable insight into what people are looking for and, to an extent, what their views are.
Their views, it’s safe to say, are generally negative. Obviously there’s a chicken-and-egg nature to the kind of people who navigate to AdTurds, but there’s devil in the longtail – those long, unwieldy, unlikely searches that reveal a lot about what people think of bad adverts.
I’ve jotted down the ones that caught my eye – for whatever reason – from November.
“go compare” “fuck off” – 32 instances
fuck off halifax you cunts! – 10 instances
are gay people offended by the maltesers ad?
women stalking towards the camera en masse like post-feminist zombies lusting after a scarf – my take on last year’s M+S advert, appropriated by Janet Street-Porter
frankie cocozza crabs – this does not strike me as unlikely
freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot
is the little boy stacey solomabs real son iceland advert – several people seem to be under the impression that Stacey Solomon is called Stacey Solomabs or Shobalob
littlewoods christmas advert 2011 makes me cringe – you’re not alone; at the time of writing this ad is duking it out with Haribo to be named worst ad of the year
racist littlewoods advert
sick advert advertising gravy with dancing cow
wow its bracing cunt
adverts with les ferdinand
andrew castle is a warty cunt who promotes accidents – allegedly
argos christmas advert walking sperm
argos paedophilic bieber advert – quite a few people picked up on this – an advert where the 51-year-old Caroline Quentin (as an alien sperm) openly lusts after the 17-year-old Justin Bieber (not far off a sperm himself
at homebase we’ve everything you need to have a wank – I find this hard to believe
awful ad version of wouldn’t it be nice
barclays advert where are the man shoes from – a tough ask
big nose iceland adverts – one of several variations commenting on Stacy Solomon’s appearance
boots here come the girls adverts are fucking annoying
cadburys final countdown ad bizarre sinister
can someone stop the halifax adverts – no, I’ve been trying for years
carey mulligan covered in jizz – no joy here either
People are disgusted by the Colman’s gravy advert with a dancing gravy cow
coleman’s gravy advert disgusting
colemans beef gravu advert puts you off
colemans gravy advert controversy
colemans gravy advert disturbing
colemans gravy advert horrible
colemans gravy advert terrible
colman’s beef gravy advert animal rights
colmans beef gravy advert complaint
colmans beef gravy advert distasteful
colmans real meat juice gravy disgusting
complaint about new colemans advert
complaint gravy advert dancing
corsodyl advert does woman really have false tooth
direct line wank humour adverts
dishwasher with talking vagina tv commercial – I refuse to believe etc.
do you need id to buy the baileys dome gateau from iceland
does anyone else find robin brown annoying – hmm
does anyone else find the condensation outside on planitherm windows annoying – I find the Planitherm advert annoying
does anyone else hate the nandos noise?
double glazing cunts
Not sure what these are about as yet – taking a leaf out of Confused.com’s book?
edf energy advert actress bouncing breasts
edf energy advert bouncy
edf energy advert tits
frankie cocozza staring into space m and s ad
A frequent entry in keywords data for this site
fuck off and die morrisons advert
fuck off halifax
fuck off i’m not talking to rice uncle ben
fuck off jamie oliver
fuck off lloyds bank
fuck off nat west
fuck off wonga app on words
fuck the boots advert
fuck the fucking x factor
fuck two bitches a day advert – I refuse to believe etc.
fuck you i’m terry wogan – I really hope Terry Wogan says this to people
fuck your adverts you cunts
fucking meerkat cunts fuck off you little twats – a sentence that might once have killed Mary Whitehouse stone dead
gravy boat craig colton – a bemusing and amusing juxtaposition
Halifax inspires dreadful anger
halifax advert choir man punch fist
halifax advert choir shit go and fuck with a cactus
halifax choir advert what utter shit
halifax choir adverts are such bollocks
halifax choir adverts terrible
halifax choir adverts the cunts
halifax choir annoying
halifax choir complaints
has your childs credit history been fucked up by wonga.com
here come the fucking cunting girls
how come stacey solomon sings driving home for christmas she’s jewish
how does one complain to itv about littlewoods advert
how scary does bruce look in the morrisons advert
iceland advert she never eats anything
icelands shit on a stick
is the kid in the john lewis advert darth vader?
jenson button head and shoulders masturbating
louis walsh sperm – a disturbing search query
new argos christmas ad with pervert alien
new toys r us advert subliminal messages – it’s the liminal ones that concern me
prius pussy subliminal
stacey solomon gammon? – brilliant. Three words; one question mark.
the redknapps wont be so smug now – quite chilling
the ugliest child in the world haribo advert
wanking with canesten – New BBC series?
what are fucking the women like on eharmony uk
Muller’s cluster-toon-fuck is appalling readers
i don’t get the muller advert – is there anything to get?
i’ll fucking wowcher you you cunts – This has been rising up the charts recently
what the fuck is that muller advert about
what the fuck is that new muller ad?
what the fuck is up with the muller advert
who is the guy walking with the flowers on the halifax savers account advert 2011
who shit john lennon
who would be stupid enough to use wonga
wouldn’t it be nice volkswagen commercial horrible
fusion pro glide vagina – I’m guessing the answer is ‘yes if you’re careful’
Confusion reigns over the M+S / X-Factor ads
why do they keep changing the m&s christmas advert
why is craig not in the m&s xfactor advert
why is frankie not on the m & s advert anymore
why is misha b last on m&s advert
why isn’t johnny on the m and s advert?
Cheryl has some dubious fans
cheryl baker big tits
cheryl baker milf
cheryl baker panties
cheryl baker tits
cheryl bakers breasts
cheryl bakers fanny
cheryl tits milk