Vernon Kay introduces roasting

This ad with Vernon Kay and a woman who is, apparently, his real mother, have been vaguely irritating me for while now. I wrote it up a while back as part of an article on the supposed worst celebrity ads of 2011. Here’s what I wrote:

Invites the reading that Kay is now living with his mum after Tess kicked him out over TextGate. Ad should have ended with him rubbing one out to a woman’s bra on his mobile.

Nuff said I think. But here’s Flora’s effort on Youtube, written as if by Vernon’s Mum, who is apparently called Gladys:

I’ve been using Flora Cuisine. Vernon and I have been enjoying time in the kitchen putting new Flora Cuisine to the test. It’s a new healthy way to cook and great for looking after your little ones hearts. You can learn more about it at Gladys. Xx (Vernon’s Mum)

Appalling punctuation; faux-folksy delivery; the double kiss at the end, as if trying to sell rendered fats on behalf of some giant food conglomerate to the anonymous masses is akin to a friendly message. All awful.

There’s more. Here are the tags used on the video:

Flora, Vernon Kay, Vernon and Glady’s, Cuisine, recipes, healthy, olive oil, 45% less saturated fat, saturated fat, cooking, baking, frying, roasting, Vernon and Flora, Flora and Vernon Kay, food, advert, kitchen, sneak peek, commercial, howto

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time browsing Youtube for ‘45% less saturated fat’, ‘olive oil’, ‘Vernon and Flora’ and ‘kitchen’.

I suspect a video search for ‘roasting’ might be a bad idea if you’re actually keen to watch videos on low-fat cooking. Then again, given Vernon’s predilection for digital wank fodder, who knows?

Here’s a few keywords I would’ve used to tag the vid:

knobend, lanky, charmless, shameless, irritating, sexting, gloopy, gak

Want more? Here’s Vernon and Gladys cooking up a treat with incomprehensible French chef Jean-Christophe Novelli.

Incredibly, Kay asks Novelli what his first thoughts were upon hearing of Flora Cuisine. Sadly he doesn’t reply with “My first thoughts were ‘What the fuck are you on about?’; my second thoughts were ‘how much money are you offering me?”. I’d have a lot more respect for everyone involved.

There’s more. This has one 20-odd Likes and over 120 Dislikes on Youtube at present. A rate of about one Dislike to 20 Likes is about par for the course on Youtube, so that’s pretty effing bad. Judge for yourself:

One last one: remember, it DOES look a bit weird but it’s not and you’ll find it in the chiller aisle oh for the love of Christ has it comes to this?