HP advert: You stay. You Go. Your hurl something at the television

This advert for the HP Envy X2 is rubbish. It’s got a rubbish name that I can never remember; I’ve used the product and it’s not a patch on comparable stuff from Apple or Samsung and the advert is both forgettable and as wince-inducingly annoying as toothache.

Firstly, this ‘you x, you x’ trope has been rolled out in a few adverts now and it’s as aggravating as a screaming baby at the opera positioned directly in front of your head. Delivered with all the rhythm of a tramp at a wedding dancing to Scott Joplin and the cadence of a garden centre it just fails completely. There’s no structure, no rhyme, no beat, no swell. It just is. And the is is shit.

So, you can stay and go. That’s pretty much the USP of this device – it has a removal keyboard. Whoop-de-doo! What else? Well, you can type with it. Neat, eh? And you can swipe and tap! If you’re particularly tragic you can ‘rock’ with it – which is to say that you can replicate all the fun of a rock concert on a tiny monitor that you need to hold oh-so-very-close to your face. And then rock, as if you’re actually there. Call me crazy, but that sounds about as much fun as flicking through a Mary Berry cookbook in lieu of an actual sex life.

This isn’t hateful, it’s not obnoxious, it’s not advertising something morally awful (hello Wonga). It’s just rubbish. You watch. You forget. You do something else. Bad, bad advert.