PETA’s Latest Advert Recommends Facials

And true to form, I’m not talking about moisturiser, but “an opaque liquid” all over a “startled woman whose face is drenched” with the stuff, in PETA’s own words.

The billboard, in Nottingham and removed on the same day after complaints, was described the local newspaper as looking like “the aftermath of a sex act”, which makes it sound like some grisly crime scene. So, what’s going on here?

PETA wants you to stop drinking milk (and, by extension, cheese, cream, butter and all the stuff based on dairy) for reasons that are not unreasonable. But to do this it’s invoking what is known on the internet as a facial (or bukkake, depending on your view on exactly how much sperm we’re looking at). Don’t swallow ladies, they’re suggesting, let your man jizz all over your face. Or throw milk all over your face, I’m not sure.

PETA dairy

I’m not sure what that would accomplish, however. Presumably you’d still have to buy the milk, which rather defies the point. But why would you buy the milk, refuse to swallow it and spray it all over your face?

The other reading of this advert suggests that this isn’t even an innuendo – it’s a straight-up suggestion that you let people come on your face. But that would imply that it’s bad for you to swallow semen, which it isn’t, as I’m always telling [redcated to avoid awkward conversation].

“Some bodily fluids are bad for you,” they say – but are they talking about milk, or sperm, or both? Which rather begs the question whether vegans swallow sperm or not for moral reasons.

More than that – and in light of PETA’s other campaigns in recent years – it begs the question whether there’s anyone at PETA who has the vaguest fucking clue about what planet they’re on.