See the Galaxy Duet advert. See its fearlessly multicultural cast. Appreciate its mixture of classic and contemporary; refined and urban. Feel its effortlessly transcendent musical symbiosis. Tremble as everything you know is turned on its head. There is only pre-Galaxy Duet advert and post-Galaxy Duet advert now. Can anything ever be the same again?
I ate a whole Galaxy bar once. My university flatmates had perceived that I was in a very bad mood and bought me a 400g bar of the stuff. I may have been giving up smoking at the time – or I may have just been in a really foul mood. Either way I ate all of it in one go. 14 fucking portions of Galaxy chocolate in a sitting. Sickly sweet though it was – like a Mellow Birds version of chocolate – I was a bit more chipper after that.
There’s no real reason for telling that story, beyond the fact that it’s my only direct experience of Galaxy. But for about 30 seconds it took my mind off the debilitating noise from this Galaxy Duet advert, apparently voiced by a lady named Chanele McGuinness and a man rejoicing in the unlikely sobriquet of Bxnjamin. How do you pronounce that? I mean if you’re Prince you can get away with a symbol; if you’re the guy off the Galaxy Duet advert there are going to be a lot of people asking how to pronounce your name.
“You know, Bxnjamin.”
“Off of the Galaxy Duet advert. You know, Bxnjamin…”
“You mean Benjamin?”
“…yeah, ok, Benjamin.”
I always feel a bit mean having a pop at people who are probably only trying to make a bit of cash and a name for themselves. But if you star in a choclatier’s horrible advert and are actively defacing a song most people recognise as rather beautiful you might as well go on Britain’s Got Talent and openly insult the audience for being the braying, Cowell-worshipping morons they patently are.
This is yet another advert where I simply refuse to believe that virtually everyone involved knows it’s absolutely dreadful. Everyone on Youtube thinks it’s awful (it’s telling that comments are disabled); everyone on Twitter hates it. Funnily enough there are people on Facebook who don’t hate it, then again Facebook is awash with Britain First, Vote Leave and Boris Johnson Legend! groups, so what do they know?
Galaxy Duet advert on Twitter