September 2011 keywords: Can Paul Whitehouse tapdance?

paul whitehouse advert

For the record I doubt very much that Paul Whitehouse learned to tapdance for the sake of a five-second spot in a baffling insurance advert – but who knows eh?

If Aviva’s intention with its series of unloved Paul Whitehouse adverts has been to encourage lots of bemused viewers trying to ascertain the twinkle-toed abilities of everyone’s favourite cockney comic then it’s certainly succeeded.

14 people typed the exact phrase ‘can Paul Whitehouse tapdance’ into their search engines and navigated to AdTurds last month – and there were plenty more besides. Perhaps a more valuable question may have been ‘what does Avivia do again?’ because, for the life of me, I can’t work it out from their ads.

What else caught my eye among the AdTurds Google Analytics keyword data this month? Well, ‘complain about gocompare advert psychological damage’ had a certain ring to it. Could we ever see an advertiser sued for just being incredibly bleeding annoying? I’d like to think so – the streets of Soho would be lined with flattened creatives by lunchtime.

BMW’s apparently-pulled Lund brothers advert has taken a hell of a lot of stick – I hope the Lunds thought their 12-month loans were worth it.

Elsewhere, someone appears to be of the opinion that the new Haribo advert – sample lyric: “Oh so smooth; love them soft; squidgy, squidy baby!” – is plagiarising John Lennon. This might, on the face of it, seem unlikely – at least to anyone who hasn’t heard Double Fantasy.

The Toyota ‘gadget master’ ad seems to be universally disliked. Despite the fact that I think it’s fairly odd – and very niche – I don’t mind it, and at least Toyota is trying to lower its target demographic from somewhere around the late-50s at last.

Elsewhere it’s the usual roll call of bewilderment, irritation and lust. Who’d have thought Cheryl Baker would have so many admiring fans? Has an advert every inspired such a gamut of negative emotions as the current Haribo effort? Why do so many people have it in for Louise Redknapp?

Tune in next month….

September 2011 keywords

jenson button head and shoulders awful – 23 instances
can paul whitehouse tap dance – 14 instances
gillette fusion proglide challenge guy is a twat – 13 instances
apple adverts patronising
bulmers advert plan b fuck off
compare the meerkat haters
latest haribo advert plagiarism john lennon – no idea on this one
lund brothers bmw twats
paddy power ginger twat
what the fuck is up with the haribo ad? – a heck of a good question
when are they going to get rid of that fat get on the go compare advert
“the jellied eel gazette”
advert where woman leaves her poop on the table
adverts for ants – do any exist?
adverts of haribo are retarted – the irony of this one amused me
anyone noticed advert is quite sexual?
big fat pussy cat do in a cadbury egg commercial
bmw advert brothers cunts
bmw what is a latte without milk – a very good question – the Lund brothers don’t seem to know
cambodia febreze
cannon and ball are fucking shit
complain about gocompare advert psychological damage
dishwashing ad where lady is looking at wine glass – there are some queries that stump even Google
doubleglazing cunts
gadget master- new toyota advert fucking sucks
gillette advert whooping volume – much too loud, though I’m unable to give a figure in decibels
ginger anger go compare ad
halifax adverts make me want to switch away from halifax – in a nutshell perhaps the whole point of this website
haribo advert very uncomfortable
has anybody got a meerkat from moneysupermarket?
have the breasts in the advert got larger? – we need to know
i don’t get the jenson button head and shoulders advert
i fucking hate the new toyota yaris advert
i fucking hate the new yaris toyota advert
i fucking hate the rap toyota yaris advert
is the uk maltesers advert offensive to gay people
is voyage prive french for stuck up cunt? – I have seen this advert and can only conclude it is, given its contents
jamie oliver advertising basic sausages
lorraine kelly interviews ad star howard brown – now that I know of the existence of this video I MUST see it
my brother freddie is an actor and a model fuck off
paul whitehouse dancing cunt – no manners but what a critic
shouty fucker on t mobile advert
toby carvery stomach cramps
tv adverts with jamie and louise redknapp. as thomas cook promotes family holidays, why does the ad give the impression that they are a couple without children? – why indeed?
who’s the lovely girl in the toolstation ad?
why do haribo adverts have germans speaking english
wonga advert is evil – wonga is evil

Dead Dad Paul Whitehouse Emotional Blackmail Aviva Ad

Emotional manipulation is nothing new in advertising. Think of those kindly old faces plugging life insurance for when they’re six feet under. But it’s surely never been so in-your-face as this advert for Avivia life insurance featuring Paul Whitehouse as a kindly – but very much karked – Ghost Dad.

Look at poor Dead Dad Paul Whitehouse. He may be dead, as is indicated by his white apparel – long such proscribed as the attire for dead human beings, as laid out in Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) – but at least he provided for his kids with a life insurance policy UNLIKE YOU YOU FUCKING MISERLY, IRRESPONSIBLE, SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FATHER.

What happens if you snuff it eh? There’ll be no dead Dad to look after your wife and kids BECAUSE YOU SPENT THAT CASH ON A FUCKING FLATSCREEN TV RATHER THAN PUTTING A BIT OF MONEY AWAY EVERY MONTH, DIDN’T YOU? YOU UTTER BASTARD?


Unless it’s actually Paul Whitehouse himself, bringing your poor widowed wife flowers and gifts of computer games for the little ‘uns. Because maybe that’s what Paul Whitehouse will be doing, when you’re brown bread. Getting his feet under the table, shagging YOUR wife in YOUR bed and wearing YOUR fucking slippers. And your kids… now they’re calling HIM Dad.

Look at Paul Whitehouse. Look at him pushing your kids on the swings at the park, taking your wife out to a West End show, with all the cash he’s made from Aviva adverts. Stroking your cat as it curls up contentedly on his lap. You can see in her eyes that she still loves you – that she’s going through the motions with Paul. But she has no choice – how else can she make ends meet? How else?

All because you didn’t take out that life insurance policy with Aviva.