July 2011 keywords: What a horrible kid


AdTurds’ Google Analytics account continues to shine a light into the murkiest corners of readers’ minds, so this month I stripped out most of the horrible stuff an included some new trends, stuff that simply made me laugh and some plain weird shit.

Whether or not Jacamo is actually designed for fat men, readers seem to have made up their minds. 31 queries for ‘jacamo is for fat bastards’ seem to indicate that the debate is over.

Elsewhere lots of people have been typing Jenson Button’s bizarre dandruff soliloquy, presumably to find out what the hell he’s on about, while the Gillette Fusion Proglide Challenge is, it’s fair to say, really getting on people’s tits.

Lots of people have bee searching for things relating to Cheryl Baker and Carey Mulligan; things that I most certainly can’t furnish them with, though I’m sure there are plenty of places where ‘fat lesbians fisting’ can be discovered on the world wide web – and probably even ‘penis loathing film’ come to that, though even the internet might shrug at ‘delicious turd cock’.

‘Paul Whitehouse what the fuck’ is probably something a lot of people have been asking of his Aviva ads the last couple of years, including Paul Whitehouse; Stephen Merchant seems to have had his stock reduced by his own set of annoying adverts (viz ‘Stephen Merchant should fuck off and die’); and, as it goes, Nannette Newman is so sexy.

The Redknapps on holiday’ seems to suggest some sort of appalling reality TV show or sitcom coming to Sky 2 very soon.

‘Every time i read newspaper the same toothpaste advert plays in background’ suggests some sort of problem not even the internet can help with, but I’d be interested to know which brand of toothpaste.

The most worrying phrase this month is almost certainly ‘people shitting in chocolate cadburys world’. That sounds like something Roald Dahl might have written in one of his ‘Tales From the Unexpected’ funks rather than great glass elevator moments.

What I do find interesting is the questions people demand of search engine. The identity of an extra in one ad, the shoes another is wearing, what a character in the Halifax ad is eating. Does anyone, anyone on the face of the planet know the answer to some of these?

My favourite this month? ‘what a horrible kid in the vision express ad’ – I’ve not seen the ad in question but I’ll be scanning the ad breaks like a hawk from now on.

Finally, one that is actually related to ads, perhaps the motherload of all current shit ads. It kind says it all.

‘why can’t they bloody bury that go compare advert it’s the most annoying advert on the television’.

Recurring keywords

Hate – Confused.com, Louise Rednknapp, 118 118, Lloyds TSB, Match.com, Go Compare, Halifax

Shit – 118 118, Citroen, Match.com, Pepsi Max

Awful – Fusion Proglide, Cash For Gold, Head and Shoulders, Pepsi, Confused.com, Direct Line, Galaxy

Terrible – 118 118, Spotify, Aviva, Confused.com, Direct Line, Gillette Fusion Proglide

Fuck – Confused.com, BT

Cunt – BT, Confused.com, Gillette Fusion Proglide, Gio Compario, Halifax

Tits – Chetyl Baker and Cara Confused duking it out here

July 2011 AdTurds keywords

jacamo is for fat bastards – 31 examples
“wow it’s bracing”
confused.com advert ofsted complaints
gillette fusion proglide advert twat
racing spacing wow its bracing
are just for men commercials deliberately stupid
bank ad campaign: students are wankers
big titted confused.com advert
boots adverts make women look stupid
bum adverts
caneston thrush advert at dinner time
carey mulligan masturbating
cheryl baker sausage
confused.com advert music played at gitmo
cunt from gillette advert
delicious turd cock
every time i read newspaper the same toothpaste advert plays in background
fat lesbians fisting
is there a bigger cunt on tv than the twat in the gillette pro-glide ad
nanette newman so sexy
neville wanless and roger mellie
obnoxious pregnant women
oops-stars.com cheryl baker nipples
paul whitehouse what the fuck
penis loathing film
people shitting in chocolate cadburys world
sainsbury’s tomatoes are rubbish
stephen merchant should fuck off and die
stupid little twat from the morrisons advert
suck germaine greer
the people doing cadbury commercials are on some of that good shit
the redknapps on holiday
the sky cricket commentry team are annoying
ugly people in tesco
wanna see the womans tits in the lynx advert
what a horrible kid in the vision express ad
what car does emile heskey have – probably not a Fiat Stilo
what shoes does the man from barclays advert wear?
what the hell is that girl eating in the hsbc advert
whats the deal with that fucking gillette advert?
who is the punk neighbour on the we buy any car advert 2011?
why can’t they bloody bury that go compare advert it’s the most annoying advert on the television

April 2011 keywords – They’re us, that’s all

Screenshot 2015-09-15 15.34.13

Another month, another spreadsheet of fear, ignorance and hatred in another instalment of which AdTurds keywords have amused me this time around.

What can we glean from this month’s queries? Well, that people think Shane Richie is sporting a wig, or a hair transplant. That Paul Whitehouse is really dead – eh? – and that people think the actors who play the couple in the BT adverts are a couple in real life.

And who’s getting it in the neck? Well, banks and price comparison websites, predictably. But the ‘Here Come the Girls’ meme seems to be really upsetting people: 54 people searched for the term ‘”here come the girls” fuck off’.

Elsewhere, people seem to share my opinions on the Cadbury’s Creme Egg adverts; people seem to think Butlins is racist, Halifax seems to have a thriving MILF economy; the chaps from the Jacamo adverts are described in less than complimentary terms; and Cheryl Baker ‘would get cock’.

All told, just another tiny window into the lives of these strange, angry, horny people. But you know the worst thing about these weirdos, these losers, these freaks…?

“They’re us, that’s all, when there’s no more room in hell…”

April 2011 AdTurds keywords

“here come the girls” fuck off – 54 queries
paul whitehouse dead
why do halifax keep making those shit adverts
cadbury goo sex
rant about confused.com advert
that fucking halifax isa isa advert
bill steele tyne tees
butlins ethnic minorities
jacamo fat bastards
masturbating onto a digestive biscuit
what’s happened to ian wright tv career
why armpits make women look hot
“cillit bang” “clit bang”
“fucking” “wearing” “slippers”
118 118 adverts well annoying
advert bemused chopped in corner shop
advert for tit cream
am i the only one fucking sick of adverts??
anyone remember the piano music from cadburys advert 80s
are butlins racist
are the people off the bt advert actually married?
barclays advert justin lee collins squirrel
bouncing breasts on confused.com advert
cadbury creme egg looks like cum dripping down face after eating a girl out
cheryl baker would get cock
chris kamara idiot
cock comparison website
confused.com advert… she pulls a laptop out of her vag??
confused.com horrible brand
davina mccall vagina hair
diana ross fucking
does everest institute intentionally choose annoying people for their ads?
fuck lloyds ts
fuck off bt
fuck off nat west
fuck you tsb
gillette fusion challenge advert guy is an idiot
gooing all over your mouth
granny fucking in halifax uk
halifax advert i want it to die
i want to run a website that is similar to confused.com
is paul whitehouse dead?
is peter kay nice?
is ray parker jr. homosexual?
is that lionel richie in the walkers adverts?
jacamo for fat bastards
jj burnel talks about having sex with steve strange – funnily enough I read an interview where this discussion takes place recently
lionel richie walkers advert is he real?
mature fucking in halifax uk
music dating site queen advert
nat west helpful banking fuck off
paul merton smug
proud sponsor of mums arrogance
shane richie hair transplant
shane ritchie wig
the inside of a creme egg is like the devils sperm
the new kimberley advert is one of the three girls a man?
the racist walkers advert
three babes pissing on citroen
bum and bum together.com