TUI Ain’t Nobody Advert


tui advert ain't nobody

Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? I mean no-one ever liked Thomson that much – holiday companies aren’t fundamentally loveable things – but this TUI advert heralds a rebrand gone so hideously and immediately wrong it’s not so much a shot in the foot but detonating a small thermonuclear device in your own face.

That name eh? TUI, a piece of meaningless pan-European blah that seems designed simply to irk people (compare with Opal Fruits / Starburst) and has no resonance with anyone in Britain – apart from the intense hatred it has instantaneously generated.

I’m not generally a fan of rebrands – instigated in neatly every case by some arsehole who wants to put his or her stamp on a company and demonstrate to their superiors that they can Get Things Done to the annoyance of virtually everyone. And for every success story such as Dave (previously a mishmash of meaningless alphanumericals) there’s a Consignia: a pointless Latin-ish retitling for no reason that seems hellbent on shedding any positive associations and replacing them with apathy or outright hostility.

Consignia was, of course, previously Royal Mail and spent a few years labouring under the quite hideous name before another expensive rebrand was probably commissioned so that someone could earn a million quid by suggesting a return to Royal Mail.

Little chance of a return to Thomson I expect as multinationals seem determined to believe members of the general public are completely unable to comprehend one company being owned by another. So we have to have a rebrand. And what an utter turd it is.

First of the very sound of TUI is just smug. And the whole thing of making an abbreviation into a noise just seems so pleased with itself. Not to mention the caps. In fact, I’m never going to cap up the brand ever again. It’s either tui or T.U.I. Also tui rhymes with pooey, gooey – nothing you’d want to be associated with, which is exactly what will happen when disgruntled customers start cropping up on your social media feeds.

As for the advert itself, dear Lord. Let me count the ways I hate it:

• A tui production. Fuck off.

• That humming. Fuck RIGHT off.

• That piano. You’re taking the fucking piss now.

• The winsome average-unthreatening-voice-with-little-vibrato-trill that always sounds like it’s going to break into a laugh so beloved of people who create adverts. It must be the smuggest noise ever invented and it’s more unwelcome in my home than Andrea Leadsom.

• Ain’t Nobody. Chaka Khan is amazing. The LL Cool J version is amazing. This stinks like shit.

• No we can’t get you there any quicker you fucking weirdo, you’re on an aeroplane.

• CGI dancing crabs. May be small beer to you but mass tourism is one of the greatest enemies of plant and animal life going right now. “Ain’t nobody – destroys ecosystems like you,” more like.

• The mass dance at the end like it’s a sodding musical. Just stop.

• We dot the Is, cross the Ts and put U in the middle. Right, you’re for it now…

• Discover my smile? I’ve become very well acquainted with my frown as a result of your horrible advert.

• How about another two weeks? Is that all you’ve got after that 90 seconds of ‘will this do’ boilerplate crap?

tui, there certainly ain’t nobody who can fuck up a rebrand like you. I’m going out a limb given there are several weeks to go but I’m fairly sure you’ve just sewn up 2017’s worst advert of the year gong. Some going for a company that’s about two weeks old.

Thomson Shatner Bohemian Interface

Thomson has form with taking great music and turning into something abysmal – a couple of years back it was molesting The Pixies. Now it’s William Shatner giving his own unique take on Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. The thing is though, it’s such a silly song in the first place I don’t see the harm.

Yet, again, it’s instructive that something so unusual can be re-engineered to sell you package holidays. As I’ve noted before, this sort of curation is a very particular skill and when it works – which I think it does here – the parts become greater than the whole. Though it is called ‘A film about a smile’ – which makes it automatically awful.

Shatner remains someone who’s passed into almost mythical status these days, via Star Trek, TJ Hooker, Boston Legal and his own willingness to send himself up. I interviewed Craig Charles a few years ago and we talked a little about Shatner, who he’d met while filming Space Cadets. He told me conspiratorially that Shatner – at the age of 68 – had been caught by the producers shagging his wife in the studio toilets. Charles thought it was hilarious.

It strikes me that whether you think he’s a legend, a pillock or has-been, the world will be poorer without him.

ETA: The Shat also features in this Visit California advert currently showing

Also ETA: This legendary video is perhaps the best example of Shatner’s unique acting – and singing – styles.