AdTurds Bad Averts – Badverts –

25Aug/1130

Disgusting Haribo advert

Woah mama, what is this? Is it actually an advert? Or is it a stream of consciousness from a fevered ad exec, tongue lolling hideously from mouth, sweating and shivering in his soaked sheets, fretting about being unable to fulfil the Haribo creative brief?

It's like it was vomited forth from someone's subconscious. Someone only vaguely thinking about what a Haribo ad might look like.

"Umm, dancing family... eating sweets, chewy... er.... there's probably a dog in there somewhere..."

And the lyrics, if you can call them that? They're just a load of keywords from a creative brief arranged into some sort of vague structure aren't they? Even so there's a bit of an ooh-err missus feel to them:

"Oh so smooth; love them soft; squidgy squidgy baby!"

There are some fairly disturbing connotations right there. As for that terrible jingle, 'the happy world of Haribo', I'm unconvinced that I'd be overly happy living in the world of Haribo.

A world where everything looks and tastes a bit like rubber and no-one over the age of 25 has any teeth? No thanks.

Haribo seems to have acquired something of a reputation in recent years that makes even adults go a bit funny, like the way morons get excited about going to MacDonalds, as if it's the greatest bounty one could wish for in life.

I'm happy to do my bit to puncture that notion. Haribo sweets are fucking horrible. They're tasteless, they're sticky and chewy, like a bit of gooey snot you can't get off your fingers; they're the sweet equivalent of White Lightning.

If you buy Haribo and you're over the age of 10 you're an idiot. Just not as much of an idiot as these adverts seem to think.

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  • Barbara Ball, Bursar

    I had my period all over myself … felt like a squished jelly doughnut

  • Barbara Ball, Bursar

    I had my period all over myself … felt like a squished jelly doughnut

  • Doesitmatter?

    Omg this guy is right! Someone start the fucking Garbo holocaust. I get that you’re trying to be funny but insulting a brand of sweets is as funny as making fun of bounty paper towels (it’s not funny, quit trying to hard). I agree the advert sucks dick but calm your tits, all of you. I’m gonna go eat haribo and leave unaffected by your views on suitable consumer demographics.

    • Oh, do fuck off you disastrously tiresome and pointless waste of sputum. And learn how to string a fucking sentence together.

  • Doesitmatter?

    Omg this guy is right! Someone start the fucking Garbo holocaust. I get that you’re trying to be funny but insulting a brand of sweets is as funny as making fun of bounty paper towels (it’s not funny, quit trying to hard). I agree the advert sucks dick but calm your tits, all of you. I’m gonna go eat haribo and leave unaffected by your views on suitable consumer demographics.

    • Robin Brown

      Oh, do fuck off you disastrously tiresome and pointless waste of sputum. And learn how to string a fucking sentence together.

  • Hooboo

    What kind of idiot says “advert?” The point of abbreviations and slang is to make speaking / typing faster and easier. Considering that Advertise(ment) has long been shortened to “ad,” you are a freaking idiot.

    • I think you may be the most pathetic individual ever to comment on this site – and that’s saying something. I don’t even know where to begin formulating an answer to that. You’re a BE (that stands for ‘bell-end’).

  • Hooboo

    What kind of idiot says “advert?” The point of abbreviations and slang is to make speaking / typing faster and easier. Considering that Advertise(ment) has long been shortened to “ad,” you are a freaking idiot.

    • Robin Brown

      I think you may be the most pathetic individual ever to comment on this site – and that’s saying something. I don’t even know where to begin formulating an answer to that. You’re a BE (that stands for ‘bell-end’).

  • Paul Catlow

    Just as McDonalds are generally shite but do good chips – their ONLY product remotely worth eating – Haribo redeem themselves with their jelly babies. An oasis of excellence in a desert of crap.

    • Thomas Paul Jennings

      I also think their Funny Mix is actually good; for one thing you can actually chew them.

  • Paul Catlow

    Just as McDonalds are generally shite but do good chips – their ONLY product remotely worth eating – Haribo redeem themselves with their jelly babies. An oasis of excellence in a desert of crap.

    • I also think their Funny Mix is actually good; for one thing you can actually chew them.

  • Steve

    The bitch who says ‘I like them soft’ like fuck you do. Slut.

  • Steve

    The bitch who says ‘I like them soft’ like fuck you do. Slut.

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  • Th_Mssngr

    The one thing I hate the most about this advert is the little gap between the song they sing and the theme tune, the look on the dad’s face, laughing earnestly about the shitty song and dance he just did, like the complete shitcunt he is.

  • The one thing I hate the most about this advert is the little gap between the song they sing and the theme tune, the look on the dad’s face, laughing earnestly about the shitty song and dance he just did, like the complete shitcunt he is.

  • I just spewed. I’m – I love my Haribo as much as the next man – but this ad is just one squidgy bag of turd.

  • I just spewed. I’m – I love my Haribo as much as the next man – but this ad is just one squidgy bag of turd.

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  • Kenbank_93

    I don’t know if i perfer this or One Direction tbh

  • Kenbank_93

    I don’t know if i perfer this or One Direction tbh

  • Ellie D’Silva

    I’m 100% with you here! Noticed your blog after posting mine: http://wp.me/p1RjdN-8

  • I’m 100% with you here! Noticed your blog after posting mine: http://wp.me/p1RjdN-8

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  • Lenny j

    of course im gonna rush out now and buy all the haribo i can,then im gonna melt it down and tip all them annoying twats in the ad and there marketing team into it

  • Lenny j

    of course im gonna rush out now and buy all the haribo i can,then im gonna melt it down and tip all them annoying twats in the ad and there marketing team into it

  • Lenny j

    i love it! all that gelatine has obviously been manufactured using the mad cow batch and they’ve all turned into twats!but guess what kids and grown ups love it so-fuck off,is the moon also made of cheese?

  • Lenny j

    i love it! all that gelatine has obviously been manufactured using the mad cow batch and they’ve all turned into twats!but guess what kids and grown ups love it so-fuck off,is the moon also made of cheese?

  • Gailygumps

    An absolutely hideously cringeworthy advert… But Whoa betide you even think of the song after the millionth showing, you start singin it to yourself and then wanting to crumble into dust just with the thought that this otherwise crap, unimaginative advert has got to us all subconsciously… well played haribo, you evil geniouses!

  • Gailygumps

    An absolutely hideously cringeworthy advert… But Whoa betide you even think of the song after the millionth showing, you start singin it to yourself and then wanting to crumble into dust just with the thought that this otherwise crap, unimaginative advert has got to us all subconsciously… well played haribo, you evil geniouses!

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