Acuvue: Like a nagging housewife screaming in your face

I don’t love Ghost Whisperer before you megaLOL my ass off with comments. It’s a pile of crap. A big, steaming pile of crap … albeit with a very shiny cherry on top.

But Acuvue’s sponsorship of Living TV’s ‘first look’ slot means GW is ruined beyond redemption and I cannot forgive the contact lens pedlars for that.

You see, for the very seem reason I am forced to watch Ghost Whisperer (I’m a sad proto-middle-aged man with a wife and child) I can find a very good reason to enjoy it – Jennifer Love Hewitt. Or more precisely, JLH’s kit.

The star of this mindless girl show is a mistress of inappropriate dress. She heads to the store in a corset and knee-high boots. She manages her antiques store in a skirt so tight she can barely put one leg in front of the other.

She skips to the coffee house in a flouncy dress which flaps in the wind like a … you get the picture. Manna from heaven for a saddo like me, and just about enough to make the show bearable.

In one episode Jennifer is possessed by a pole-dancer. I shit you not.

So why in the name of Satan’s shit-pipe is this ambient ogle fest interrupted by sponsor’s ads from contact lense firm Acuvue? Their super-compressed audio blasts punctuate every commercial break – start and finish.

Bright and loud, they contrast with the show’s pseudo atmospheric vibe and feature themes such as ‘take the kids to school’ and ‘be plain in front of a mirror’.

I feel like my wife is leaning in to me on the couch and shouting ‘stop looking at her arse you fat tosspot’ to deliberately wake me from my state of quasi-arousal.

They might as well remind you to put the suitcase back in the loft, take the bins out and ask your mam if she can fucking babysit (again) next Saturday.

Leave me alone Acuvue. LEAVE ME ALONE.