Kimberley, Mikado And Coconut Creams Advert

Kimberley, Mikado and Coconut Creams. Do you know what this means? If you do you appear to know about biscuits than I. I think these are some sort of famous biscuits that are getting a Katy-Perry-via-Gwen-Stefani reboot in some weird advert that’s trying to make biscuits sexual. I think.

I say “I think” because, really, I have no idea what’s going on here. I don’t know what Kimberley and Mikado and Coconut Creams are. I can have a guess at the latter, but the others? Are there really biscuits called Kimberleys?

And what’s with these three girls? Are they, somehow, embodying the the three kinds of biscuit in some way? That’s OK for Kimberley and Mikado – but does it mean that the third one is called Coconut Cream?

I’ve watched this advert enough times for it to drive me absolutely barking mad, and I expect I’ll be humming it on the way to work tomorrow, but I can’t make head nor tail of it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen these biscuits. I still don’t know that they look like. Will there be all three in the same pack or do I need to buy three different packs? Again, I can guess what coconut creams taste like – but what about the other two?

I simply can’t work any of it out from the ad – so the only way I’d know more is by Googling and, frankly, when we start Googling biscuit adverts we’re through the looking glass.

However, since I provide such a valuable public service I decided to do a spot of research. They appear to be three separate biscuits and, yes, there is a biscuit called the Kimberley. The Flipping Kimberley. Kim for short? What next? The Christopher? The Alan? The Margaret? Ridiculous.

And, yes, the three girls do somehow represent the biscuits. Dear God, they’re called Kim, Mika and Coco. The humanity.

The ad? A tiresome ‘me too’ effort that riffs off so many things it makes Laim Gallagher’s new band look cutting edge. Anything that uses the ‘dwarf=whacky’ meme is out of ideas before it even starts. Oh, and that Daily Mail quote about it being “an ‘insane’ viewing experience that is similar to taking acid” could only ever have been written by someone by someone who has never taken acid. Or even drunk a small glass of sherry, for crying out loud.

A middle class white man’s idea of daring and radical, for whom a bemusing juxtaposition is the most kerrayzee thing you can do with someone else’s money. Why not go the whole hog and bring out a Jacobs-themed porn film? Daring! Innovative! Challenging! Think I’m joking? It’s only a matter of time.

PS. The other things I’ve discovered about Mikados is that they look a bit rude.

And their adverts used to look like this…