Colgate Total toothpaste advert

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: Excuse me, is your toothpaste working?

Weird shopping centre lady: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: No, no. Don’t worry. I just want to prod about in your mouth with my tool.

Weird shopping centre lady: Well, in that case of course. I can’t think of any reason why that would be weird in public with a total stranger.

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: A-ha, as I thought. Your mouth is coated in…

Weird shopping centre lady: Oh my… Oh my God, how embarrassing. I don’t normally let him do that in my mouth…

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: Don’t worry – look at this screen. It’s bacteria!

Weird shopping centre lady: Oh, oh. Right. Bacteria. Yup.

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: You see, the toothpaste you normally use is shit. Colgate is best. Here, take this tube home tonight and put it in your bathroom. Make sure the tube is facing towards the shower. Oh, and do the toothpaste thing, obviously.

Close your eyes, open your mouth and stick your tongue out

The next day…

Weird shopping centre lady: Hi. I was here yesterday. The lady with the teeth.

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: Oh yeah, it’s you, the lady with the sperm in her mouth. Bacteria. I meant bacteria. Obviously. Sorry. Jesus, you actually came back?! How path… Um. Nice ass by the way.

Weird shopping centre lady: So. How does my mouth look now? I brushed with the Colgate.

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: Yeah, I know. Err, so as we can see on this screen there’s some blue stuff here and some, umm… green stuff here. Less bacteria. Whoops!

Weird shopping centre lady: Wait a minute. Was that my bathroom? Have you got a camera in my bathroom?

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: No! No, of course not. Don’t panic. Here, sit down in this small tent over here. You’re feeling calm. Very calm. Sleepy, almost…

Weird shopping centre lady: I am feeling sleepy, kind of woozy. I need a lie down.

Weird supermarket Colgate guy: Yes, lie down. Relax. Lie down and open your mouth for me. Show me your teeth…