Category: AdWorms

Some of these ads have been around a while; some are new. All are fucking annoying.

They all feature some sort of aural assault – something you hear again and again designed to get on you tits, stay there and give them a tweak every few hours. As irritating as a midge bite, a screaming child behind you on public transport or Piers Morgan talking to you for any length of time whatsoever.

Tell me which is your most hated.

MandM Direct advert

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Tassimo

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Wowcher

An oldie and a shitty. I’m going to let a search engine term speak for me on this one: I’ll wowcher you, you cunts”.

Lottery

I really hate the current trend of having ‘normal’ voices singing on adverts, no doubt in an effort to be more relatable to us lottery-ticket-buying scum. And what’s that lyric? It sounds like oo-wackadoo-what-a-day. If it is I will hunt down the person responsible and make them listen to it for ten hours.

Even worse, there’s actually a karaoke version in case you want to sing along to this utter toss: “I heard a story; somebody told me; the lotto’s changing’ this Saturday.” That’s the story? Jesus Christ get some better friends.

MacDonalds

I despise everything about MacDonalds. But perhaps most of all I hate that cheerful little whistle at the end of all their adverts. It kinda sums them right up. Sickly, sweet, artificial, shit-eating and thoroughly nauseating.

• Vote for your most hated advert of October

Earworms are those songs you can’t get our of your head. They can frequently be enjoyable – refreshing the memory back to a forgotten song; something that can take you back to a particular time and place.

More frequently, however, they’re pure annoyance. Creators of teenybop music, novelty tunes and, yes, adverts, have been aware of this for yonks – and this is something I’ve talked about at length. I’ve no intention of going into the amateur psychology of it again; instead I’m going to tell you which ones are getting on my tits due to their aural pollution.

Because if these people are going to deliberately infuriate us it’s the least we can do in return. Maybe it’s a futile gesture, but it will make me feel infinitesimally better.

Muller Rice Rice Baby advert

Try-hard wackiness incarnate.

Fiat 500L advert

Like a child screaming on a train for hours.

Flash tablet things

I want to do the voice artists a severe physical discourtesy.

Admiral Multicar advert

One of the worst songs in history gets even worse with the ‘non-singer singers’ meme.