We are complicit in an infantile group delusion that allows the likes of Vodaphone and George Lucas to patronise us with shit Star Wars-related tripe at every turn

It’s vaguely pathetic how Star Wars keeps getting trotted out as something that everyone of my generation is supposed to think is the most amazing thing ever like it’s a combination of oral sex, beach holidays to the Bahamas and pure unadulterated cocaine all rolled into one.

It was vaguely tolerable when everyone was 18 – everyone’s entitled to like stuff from their childhood, even if Star Wars is a massive pile of cack – but when Star Wars is the default meme of choice for a generation of people nearing their 40s… well, it’s just a bit sad to be honest.

Vodaphone is the latest company to shrug, stump up ten billion pounds and have a shit Star Wars theme in its advert, apparently in the belief that this deeply tiresome and childish franchise is a keycard to people’s wallets. 

In its latest advert Yoda is surprised by Vodaphone’s ability to transfer numbers from one phone to another. Because of this, Yoda surmises that Vodaphone must have the force. It’s utter shit.

Shit springs to mind in a different way upon watching this ad. It’s what I imagine George Lucas was depositing into a golden toilet, dressed Dude-style in an old dressing gown, when he lazily texted his permission for the latest ka-chinging knock-off of something he – presumably – once treasured so very fondly.

 

Vodaphone advert: A ‘touching story’

What a selfish little bitch!

Wait until tomorrow, when your Dad’s finally closed what’s obviously the most important deal of his entire fricking life, a life he’s probably devoted to bringing up his spoilt brat of a kid, lavishing undeserved attention and praise on you while you groom your fucking horse and get treated badly by blokes, because the weird relationship you have with your father has comprehensively fucked you up when it comes to the opposite sex.

And you, Dad, grow some fucking bollocks. I’m sure your special little girl has half a dozen clones she can discuss SATC, Glee and how shit men are with.

But mainly you, you snivelling little Daddy’s Girl. Of course he left you; you have some disturbing electra-complex relationship with your old man.

Welcome to a life of disappointment, ruined relationships and co-dependency issues, concluded by an unhappy marriage to a man 30 years your senior.

• Ways to improve this advert: He drives to her car, slaps her around the face, tells her to grow up and goes back to his meeting. I bet there’s not a person alive who believes that’s not a better ending