May Keywords: “Fuck your adverts, you cunts!”

If you’re thinking “well, that headline’s a bit uncalled for” then you may be right.

But that’s how one AdTurds readers sees things, according to our latest trawl of Google Analytics data.

It kind of sums up the most active relationship most people have with adverts – they go onto the internet to seek them out, more often that not to complain about them, I suspect.

What else can we learn from this month’s keywords? Well, fuck all to be honest, though I’ve jotted fown a few thoughts below. But first, a few stats on frequently-used keywords:

Shit – 125: used most frequently in conjunction with Halifax
Annoying – 59: Halifax, Barclays and Direct Line
Worst – 42: Halifax
Hate – 43: Halifax, BT and Louise Redknapp
Fuck – 37: Natwest, Boots, Kia, Yahoo, Jacamo
Jizz – 10: Creme Eggs
Vagina – 10:

A resounding victory for Halifax again in most stakes (quite a few banks are getting it in the neck, can’t think why), though I’m not sure whether it’s better or worse to be associated with simply bad adverts as opposed to stuff like ‘jizz’ and ‘vagina’. Clearly the people behind Cadbury’s and feel otherwise.

May 2011 amusing keyword phrases

“here come the girls” fuck off – 31 instances
natwest helpful banking fuck off – 16 instances
keith ian and andy twats
“cheryl baker” boobs
“keith ian and andy” who the fuck is responsible?
absolut sclerosis of the liver tony kaye
adverts on bum
bears by naugthy turd company
big hairy audacious goals
cadburys adverts pretentious shite
cadburys jizzing
can we ban the halifax ads
companies that clean pigeon shit in halifax
confused .com advert complaints breasts
confused adverts laptop vagina bouncing tits with tits bouncing around
country price comparison prostitutes – there’s a niche eh,
cream egg advert like cum shot
cream egg up pussey
dale winton goldfish my gold
davina mccall poo
dear yahoo, fuck your adverts, you cunts!
germaine greer featured in suck
halifax ads do it again annoying the fuck out of us
halifax adverts hope they fucking die
has the man off the bt adverts died?
horrible jammie dodger monkeys
how deep is morgan freeman’s voice
i dont understand the cadbury creme egg advert
if women had dicks
is ray parker jr. gay?
jacamo is for fat bastards
jamie redknapp hate
jammie dodger advert horrible
jammie dodger annoying advert
jizzing all over the world
kfc advert we got family creepy
louise redknapp sounds so stupid
mandelson, arrogant little shit
meerkat advert that goes makes us brown makes us brown
memorable for the wrong reason (irritating advertisements in the uk advertising industry 2011)
natwest robbing fuckers
natwest shit awful banking
negative points about cadbury eyebrow
nick knight wrestling
pepsi max advert cunts
samsung galaxy is a fat brick turd
spunked levis
stupid bum shoes
that kid is gonna grow up fat in betty crocker advert
thrush and masturbation
tv advert were woman puts shit in her purse
unbearable facefuck
up your bingo advert makes no sense
video sex with loathing
we buy any car chavvy
what the fuck is going on with those stupid cadburys ads?
what would happen if you ate too many cadburys chocolate fingers?
what’s the annoying bullshit music behind the natwest adverts?
who is responsible for halifax adverts
who is the milf in aviva ad
why doesn’t 118118 just fuck off
women fucking man advert
wouldn’t you agree gary linaker
you wouldn’t steal a car fuck you i would
bt jane nipple slip

Something that interests me, at least, is the way that people are starting to write search engine queries in the same way they might ask another human, rather than the more recognised search engine interrogation containing keywords. What does this mean for advertisers, marketers and social media marketers? I’m fucked if I know.

Elsewhere we can see that is now most associated with bouncing animated breasts and cavernous magical vaginas. Nice bit of branding there, guys.

“dear yahoo, fuck your adverts, you cunts!” fascinates me – is someone at Yahoo intended to see this? Could SERPS data be used by companies to gauge public reaction to campaigns? Again, that’s a question for someone else to answer but it’s an interesting proposition.

People are still fascinated by the Morgan/Morethan Freeman adverts – is this going to be the first of a series of ads that borrow a celeb’s voice just for the borrowed interest? We’ll see.

“negative points about cadbury eyebrow” is another one that interest me – it reflects a trend among the keyword searches where people clearly want to be told why an advert is bad. Weird.

NatWest might find some of the results interesting – despite the customer charter the vast majority of searches are from people annoyed with NatWest for poor banking experiences or their nasty little charges.

I love the implicit criticism in stuff like ‘who is responsible for halifax adverts’. Halifax is probably the most hated brand by AdTurds keywords.

Anyway, plenty to chew on until next time. Keep foaming at the mouth, people.