Yahoo Anthem advert

There are two internets, that’s an important first principal.

The first you know about: you use it for pornography, email, Facebook, buying stuff, deleting spam and listlessly whiling away your precious life doing nothing in particular.

The second is a technicolour delight, crammed with people of all colours and creeds doing amazing things. They’re all so young, beautiful and thin. Somehow they relate to you, but it’s not clear how.

This second internet is ‘a place where time and space collide’ And ‘breed wonder and joy’. Wow!

Some day soon nerds will run out of things to do on the internet. We’ve got email, chat, shopping, news, video and free music at the moment. What else is there?

Barring smell-o-vision or virtual sex, I can’t believe anyone is really going to be that amazed by the internet ever again. So advertisers have to go further and further out on a limb to impress how incredibly bloody amazing it is that you can follow Ashton Kutcher’s Friendfeed.

The whole thing concludes with a new ‘Yahoo!’ yodel/jingle that’s probably supposed to sound like everyone on Earth’s singing it. ‘Yahoo – it’s you’ is the fatuous new motto.

So, there are two internets. The one that actually exists, and the one that exists in the minds of advertisers.