October Keywords: Fuck off I’m not talking to rice Uncle Ben

uncle-benAnother month, another deluge of funny, weird, sexy and scary keywords that AdTurds readers have been typing into their search engines.

The one in the title – Fuck off I’m not talking to rice Uncle Ben – tickled me, but the following one also elicited a giggle too:

does the vw advert really say wouldn’t it be nice if we were rover?

It isn’t, of course, but the idea of it amused me. I doubt if any car manufacturer in the last 20 years would envy Rover, but the notion of VW putting subliminal messages into its ads, such peculiar ones at that, is an intriguing one.

Elsewhere the guy on the far left of the Halifax choir is upsetting readers – several readers have been upset by him. I’ve not seen him yet, but I imagine there’s already a Facebook page that exists simply to disparage him. He’ll probably be making an appearance on here soon, as I suspect I’m going to loathe Halifax’s new ads even more than the old ones in the long run.

Paul Whitehouse, Stephen Merchant, Cheryl Baker and Louise Rednknapp were in the firing line this month – I particularly liked ‘freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot’ though.

Brands-wise it’s all about Halifax, Barclays, Go Compare, Confused.com, Wonga, Haribo, Colmans, Gillette and Eurostar to name a few.

Already the shortlist for the worst adverts of 2011 article is forming. And what a shitty shortlist it’s shaping up to be.

AdTurds October 2011 keywords

oh the hatred i feel for the halifax adverts cannot be put into words – 11 separate instances. I find this hard to believe, but surely Google can’t be wrong? According to the Big G 11 different people typed this phrase into their search engine and navigated here

go compare “fuck off” – 9 separate instances

confused.com fat black woman – 8 separate instances

stephen merchant is a c*nt – 4 separate instances

anyone else hate that guy in the loreal commercial? – 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid – 3 separate instances

fuck off halifax you c*nts! – 3 separate instances

fathers made to look stupid – 3 separate instances, see more on the stupid dad meme

gillette fusion proglide challenge guy is a twat – 3 separate instances

stephen merchant what a fuckin wanker – 3 separate instances

colmans advert disgusting cow – 2 separate instances

fuck off i’m not talking to rice uncle ben

what is the new muller advert about? – not yoghurt, I don’t think

“patula” kid can fuck off

…… the confused.com woman keeps pulling stuff out her vadge! seriously.

advert where woman leaves her poop on the table – genuinely don’t know what this ad is – anyone?

adverts with bums

adverts with gordon brown

are the 2 girls in the maltesers ad with boyfriends asleep sisters?

are the haribo family a real family

bmw she’s a cunt commercial – sounds like a bold new ad strategy for BMW

bt advert – where is the bt womans baby? – good question

can i fuck danni minogue for cash?

chummy mums love fucking

colmans new advert gravy creepy
colmans gravy advert needs to fucking stop
colmans advert for beef gravy is horrible

confused.com advert aimed at homosexuals

creepy wonga adverts

do gay people object to the malteasers ad

does anyone else refuse to use go compare simply because they hate the adverts?

does anyone hate the fat fucker from the jacamo advert?

does the vw advert really say wouldn’t it be nice if we were rover?

freddie flintoff morrisons fucking idiot

gillette fusion commercial voice over fuck buddy

girl shitting herself outside the palace in halifax

guy on the far left of halifax ad
halifax advert choir bottom left man annoying
halifax advert stupid bloke in choir

halifax adverts make me sick
halifax choir cunts

horrible awful weird money supermarket tv ad gorilla terrible

i hate the new coffee advert don’t want to see people fucking on my tv

ive shagged cheryl baker

martine mccutcheons huge fat bum

mignon morceaux phileas fogg m&s – I remember these fried snacks fondly

muller advert what the fuck?

paul masson maaaaaa

pepsi twist lime urinating analysis – great ad

professional women has a poop accident in her panties

sky broadband is fucking shit crap bullshit stupid

tesco people who are ugly

throwing poo acid advert uk – I refuse to believe there’s such an advert

torture tory bing commercial – ditto

volkswagen advert hitler think blue

what advert had a wig attacking people – dunno but I want to see it

what the hell is happening in the new muller advert

who are the 3 men in the eurostar advert – advert win!
who are the tossers in eurostar advert
eurostar ad with jarvis cocker, who are the other two?

who does horrible wouldn’t it be nice cover on volkswagon advert

who is rod rammage?

who is that silly woman in the iceland ads?

who is the fat thing go compare

why cadbury caramel is better than cadbury crunchie

wispa death pussy images

September 2011 keywords: Can Paul Whitehouse tapdance?

paul whitehouse advert

For the record I doubt very much that Paul Whitehouse learned to tapdance for the sake of a five-second spot in a baffling insurance advert – but who knows eh?

If Aviva’s intention with its series of unloved Paul Whitehouse adverts has been to encourage lots of bemused viewers trying to ascertain the twinkle-toed abilities of everyone’s favourite cockney comic then it’s certainly succeeded.

14 people typed the exact phrase ‘can Paul Whitehouse tapdance’ into their search engines and navigated to AdTurds last month – and there were plenty more besides. Perhaps a more valuable question may have been ‘what does Avivia do again?’ because, for the life of me, I can’t work it out from their ads.

What else caught my eye among the AdTurds Google Analytics keyword data this month? Well, ‘complain about gocompare advert psychological damage’ had a certain ring to it. Could we ever see an advertiser sued for just being incredibly bleeding annoying? I’d like to think so – the streets of Soho would be lined with flattened creatives by lunchtime.

BMW’s apparently-pulled Lund brothers advert has taken a hell of a lot of stick – I hope the Lunds thought their 12-month loans were worth it.

Elsewhere, someone appears to be of the opinion that the new Haribo advert – sample lyric: “Oh so smooth; love them soft; squidgy, squidy baby!” – is plagiarising John Lennon. This might, on the face of it, seem unlikely – at least to anyone who hasn’t heard Double Fantasy.

The Toyota ‘gadget master’ ad seems to be universally disliked. Despite the fact that I think it’s fairly odd – and very niche – I don’t mind it, and at least Toyota is trying to lower its target demographic from somewhere around the late-50s at last.

Elsewhere it’s the usual roll call of bewilderment, irritation and lust. Who’d have thought Cheryl Baker would have so many admiring fans? Has an advert every inspired such a gamut of negative emotions as the current Haribo effort? Why do so many people have it in for Louise Redknapp?

Tune in next month….

September 2011 keywords

jenson button head and shoulders awful – 23 instances
can paul whitehouse tap dance – 14 instances
gillette fusion proglide challenge guy is a twat – 13 instances
apple adverts patronising
bulmers advert plan b fuck off
compare the meerkat haters
latest haribo advert plagiarism john lennon – no idea on this one
lund brothers bmw twats
paddy power ginger twat
what the fuck is up with the haribo ad? – a heck of a good question
when are they going to get rid of that fat get on the go compare advert
“the jellied eel gazette”
advert where woman leaves her poop on the table
adverts for ants – do any exist?
adverts of haribo are retarted – the irony of this one amused me
anyone noticed confused.com advert is quite sexual?
big fat pussy cat do in a cadbury egg commercial
bmw advert brothers cunts
bmw what is a latte without milk – a very good question – the Lund brothers don’t seem to know
cambodia febreze
cannon and ball are fucking shit
complain about gocompare advert psychological damage
dishwashing ad where lady is looking at wine glass – there are some queries that stump even Google
doubleglazing cunts
gadget master- new toyota advert fucking sucks
gillette advert whooping volume – much too loud, though I’m unable to give a figure in decibels
ginger anger go compare ad
halifax adverts make me want to switch away from halifax – in a nutshell perhaps the whole point of this website
haribo advert very uncomfortable
has anybody got a meerkat from moneysupermarket?
have the breasts in the confused.com advert got larger? – we need to know
i don’t get the jenson button head and shoulders advert
i fucking hate the new toyota yaris advert
i fucking hate the new yaris toyota advert
i fucking hate the rap toyota yaris advert
is the uk maltesers advert offensive to gay people
is voyage prive french for stuck up cunt? – I have seen this advert and can only conclude it is, given its contents
jamie oliver advertising basic sausages
lorraine kelly interviews ad star howard brown – now that I know of the existence of this video I MUST see it
my brother freddie is an actor and a model fuck off
paul whitehouse dancing cunt – no manners but what a critic
shouty fucker on t mobile advert
toby carvery stomach cramps
tv adverts with jamie and louise redknapp. as thomas cook promotes family holidays, why does the ad give the impression that they are a couple without children? – why indeed?
who’s the lovely girl in the toolstation ad?
why do haribo adverts have germans speaking english
wonga advert is evil – wonga is evil